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myOtaku.com: Rinoa Heartilly07


Friday, November 16, 2007

Perhaps an elaboration is required for yesterday's post. while I liked how it was cryptic and mysterious to all but those who know the most intimate details of my life, I thought it was a bit unfair not to share. Especially since I havne't posted anything decent in a very long time.

My grandfather passed away on Tuesday night, about 10-15 minutes after Squall and I left, from visiting him. I skivved off class that evening because he was receiving Last Rites and a few hours later he was gone. I didn't find out until wednesday though. When I went to visit and his bed was gone from the small living room and he wasn't there. I thought, that at first, maybe they moved him to another room, but no. I didn't want to cry, I didn't feel like it. I had done so much crying while my grandfather was just lying helpless in bed, that now that he was free from all that pain and suffering, I didn't feel terribly upset. Of course, much later, thinking about how much I'd miss him and how much my grandmother would miss him, I started crying. I miss him, but I'm glad he died. He's not in pain any more. I've always said that Death is a release. He is released.

I wanted to whisper to him "..Let go, it's all right, 'cause there's beauty in the break down..." but I didn't. I'm not sure if I regret it though. The last thing I said to him was that I'd see him the next day, but I guess I sort of knew as Squall drove me away that I never was going to see him again. I narrated it to myself, then I remember thinking that I shouldn't think things like that.

It's hard to believe that I'm not going to talk to him any more, about harry potter or japan. Or that I can't ask him to make me hashbrowns. No body could make them taste as good as when he made them for me. I miss him. "And already the world seems a bit less bright."
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