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• 1989-05-16
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myOtaku.com: Rinoa Heartilly07


Friday, May 16, 2008

At 6:42 AM I will be:
6,930 days old
or
166,560 hours old
or
9,993,600 minutes old
or
599,616,000 seconds old


But isn't time just a figment? SO what's it all matter? I mean, really? Why do we have time? Is it to make life easier? "Meet at blah blah blah at such and such" Better than saying "when the sun is half way between the top of the ksy and the horizon." ...

But why do people always want to check their watches? I'm guilty of that. I always have to know what time it is. Funny how much of our lives are governed by little numbers. We think about how we could spend our moments, instead of the way we're actually spending them. So much to do, "not enough time." haha. Do we want to know how long it is until we HAVE to do something else? Boredom.

tickticktick.

Hear that? The biological clock is ticking. Hurry! Go find love and have children. The culmination of a life worth while. The essence of being. You may not have enough time before you find REAL love (does real love exist? or does it go with out words? "This isn't love," I said. "It can't be." I want something so much deeper than love). Cling to the first thing that moves.

tickticktick.

Your biological clock has stopped ticking. No more children. Keep watching the clock.

tickticktick.

You won't be able to stop watching it. You always have to know how much longer you have left.

...So how much longer?

(finished at 8:28 pm, 15 May, 2008)

I feel sick. It's a nervous sick. I'm scared to feel what I want to right now. I should have stayed. I should have let you kiss me. I wanted to ask you to take off your backpack. I have problems. why do we do this? I can't do this. I feel sick. I feel sick. I feel sick. "I couldn't change though I wanted to." It would have felt so heavy. It would have been in the way. You didn't kiss me back. I'm too stubborn, but i've got nothing else to cling to.

I can't do this.

Is it so bad to want something perfect? I expect too much and nothing at all. I don't feel anything anymore and I want to. I won't let myself. I feel too much. I love you but I can't let you get close. Not anymore.

I'm too damaged.
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