Monday, December 19, 2005

Last night
One would hardly call last evening a pleasurable event. The play itself was absolutely lovely. It was really funny and I would totally see it again. Unfortunately, it was the last performance. I'll have to find another play house performing the play.

It was the events preceeding the play and following it that leave much to be desired. The group itself was pretty big, more than ten people. The only persons under the age of 18 was myself, Squall-sama, the underclassman, and the underclcassman's younger sister, who, by the way, doesn't attend Balamb. But that's not important.

Anyways, before we went to go see the play, we all had dinner at a restraunt, and the subject of schools came up. I believe one of the adults asked if squall-sama and I attended Balamb garden with said underclassman. Then the subject of religion came up, and it was soon discovered I was the only non-catholic at the table. I'll be blunt, I'm atheist. I'll get into why another time.

Somewhere in there, I made a comment or two about how I was particularly intelligent and some of the other schools I've attended were too easy, and I just wasn't challenged enough. He then began asking me all these questions, pertaining to philosophy and the greek classics. I said I hadn't read any of the greek classics except for The Illiad and The Oddessy by Homer, when I was twelve, and that I was more interested in Oscar Wilde. Then up popped the debate about whether or not Wilde was tried at a gay person and whether that was right or wrong. I defended my point, not particularly well, though. I'm not very good at debates. Not very good at all.

Originally, I thought he was only talking to me because he saw my intellect. Because I seemed worthy talking to. And I thought I handled myself very well. Then Squall-sama told me he was actually picking on me because I wasn't Catholic. I wanted to cry right then and there!

Oh, wow. Picking on a 16 year old girl. Asking her questions about things she hasn't even read yet. Very good. You're so intelligent.

Once again, the last paragraph was chalk full of sarcasm. I'm more well read and more intelligent than many of the adults I know! I think about things most people don't even give thought to! I'm only 16 and I've read books most people don't bother to read unless they have a deep interest in literature! And of all the things he wanted to make a blow to my ego, just because I wasn't Catholic.

It makes me so sick. It makes me hurt. But I should know better than to expect anything different. I'm used to people trying to make me feel bad, but last night was just uncalled for. I held my own for what it was worth. It makes me so mad!! I hate him! I hate him! I hate him!!

Things just sort of got worse from there. The play was fine, but things started to go particularly bad during the intermission. I won't go into detail, Squall-sama probably wouldn't want me to tell everything, despite what he might say. But it all escalated, everything was at the breaking point, and everything hurt so much, I thought I could feel my soul and heart shattering...but we fixed it.. Squall-sama and I..we fixed it and made everything all better..

Well, not all better. We still need to heal.

"My heart is broke, but I have so glue, help me inhale, maybe mend it with you. We'll float around, hang out on clouds, then we'll come down..I have a hang over.."
~ Nirvana

I miss him. I haven't seen him today, so I can't wait until tomorrow. But I think things are getting better now..I hope they are.

More than I relate to Xena, more than I relate to Rinoa, more than I relate to anyone, I relate to the Opera Ghost. It sounds so corny and so horrible, but I really am the Phantom of the Opera..It's hard to explain why I orginally loved the musical and now the book and everything that has to do with it, but...I understand the character truly and deeply. I'm sure that a lot of people have said that, and I'm sure I won't be the last. But, I know what's it like to have amazing talent, to be shunned by absolutely everyone for one reason or another, to love someone, but to have that someone love someone else...

Hounded out by everyone
Led with hatred everywhere
No kind words from anyone
No commpassion anywhere..
~The Phantom of the Opera

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