Friday, May 26, 2006

White, White Walls (A strange story)
This is just a really strabge, angsty original story thingy I wrote yesterday. It's very unlike my usual works, but I really liked it. I may choose to work with it some more. ^____^ Uh... Please enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

White walls. White, white walls in a white, white room. Such pretty white walls; innocent and clean. So unlike myself.

White represents purity; it remains safe and untouched. The darkness cannot get it. I find it funny how they lock me up in a white, white room. After all, I am the darkness. At least, that’s what he told me; he told me I was impure, a dark being sent from hell as punishment for my parents’ sins.

I am my parents’ sin.

He told me I was corrupt, evil. I was everything bad in the world. I was war, I was murder, I was rape, I was hate, I was pain, I was death. My life was the reason why others died, why others suffered. My existence was a sin, a crime against nature and all that was good and holy.

Every night, he whispered in my ear, telling me how much of an abomination I was. He told me I was worthless, that I was unloved. He reveled in my tears as they poured down my cheeks in flowing, damp streaks. He told me my sadness and my tears brought him overwhelming joy, so I allowed him to have his happiness as I cried myself to sleep, my tears dampening my already-soaked pillow.

But even in my dreams I couldn’t escape from him.

Thoughts of sugarplums and fairies instantly vanished once he entered the scene, turning my sweetest of dreams into the most hellish of all nightmares. The sun and the sky disappeared and all my surroundings turned pitch black. When I asked him why he did this he merely told me that the darkness belonged in the darkness and only the darkness. The light was forbidden to me and I could do nothing more than covet it.

The darkness… It was too much for me, too overwhelming. I wanted to escape from it, but how would I ever escape from the darkness? How would I ever escape from myself?

But still I tried. He laughed at me, telling me that it was useless. I could never escape the darkness because I was the darkness and nothing would ever change that. What’s darkness is darkness. What’s light is light. The darkness can never become the light and the light can never become the darkness.

The dark cannot be the light. The guilty cannot be the innocent. The evil cannot be the good.

I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t stand that I was the reason there was so much darkness in the world. I couldn’t stand that my existence was such a burden on society. It was too much for my heart to take and I feared it would snap in two from all the pressure.

He laughed; a dark, mocking, cynical laugh. He told me I had no heart.

“Then what is this?” I had asked him, placing a hand on my chest and finding temporary peace and serenity in the rhythmic beats that pumped blood through my body. My dark, dark blood. “I have a pulse, I have a heartbeat. Surely I have a heart.”

He chuckled; perhaps he found my naivety amusing. He smirked as he looked down at me, his powerful form towering over my own. He moved my hand out of the way and put his own hand in its place. “That pulse, that beat comes not from your heart, but from the darkness. With every beat the darkness grows stronger. Soon it will be powerful enough to devour everything around it, even the light.” He nonchalantly stroked his fingers through my hair; whether he did it to comfort me or to mock me, I don’t know. “This is nothing like the fairy tales you grew up with; the darkness shall consume the light and it will be your entire fault. As long as you live so does the darkness.”

“Then… Then what would happen if I didn’t exist?”

“There would be no darkness.”

“What if I were to die?”

“…”

He paused; his dark, dark bangs covered his eyes, hiding his expression from me. Slowly, his lips curved into a devious smirk. His eyes, his blood red eyes, shined with a crazed light as he stared down at me.

“The darkness can never die.”

I thought he was lying. I should’ve known better; he had never lied to me before so he would have no reason to start now. Perhaps, since I was such an evil entity, I just couldn’t stand to hear the truth.

Never before had the thought of suicide crossed my mind, but now it seemed as if it were my only option. I had been taught that suicide was an evil thing, as evil an act as murder or any other sin, but it seemed an appropriate way to go. After all, what better way to destroy evil than with evil itself, by evil itself; myself. Besides, only a person could commit a sin and I wasn’t a person; I was the darkness.

He had been right. Just as I had reached the edge, just as I was only a step away from returning back to hell where I belonged, I was stopped. My parents pulled me away from the ledge; they held me comfortingly as they wept.

He laughed, pointing out that instead of destroying the darkness I only succeeded in creating more sadness and pain.

My parents told me they could help me, that I could be cured, but they didn’t understand. I couldn’t be cured; I had no disease. I was the darkness, simple as that. And I had already learned the hard way that there was no cure for the darkness.

They took me to a doctor, saying that by spilling out my heart and soul to some stranger that I would be healed. But I had no heart; I had no soul. That’s what he told me.

When I told the doctor about him, the doctor merely gave me strange looks. After a few sessions the doctor declared me mentally unstable; the doctor said that I was schizophrenic, that it was my own mind that had created him. I told the doctor the idea was ludicrous, but I was ignored. After all, who would listen to insanity; who would listen to darkness?

And so, because they could not stand the darkness, because they feared the darkness, they locked the darkness up. They imprisoned the darkness in a room filled with light because the only way to fight the darkness, the only way to suppress the darkness, was to surround it with the light.

So I sat and I stared at the white, white walls in the white, white room. I sat and I stared at the pretty white walls that were everything that I was not.

He came to me, frowning. “Why do you sit there? Why do you just sit here and take this? You are the darkness, you are evil, you are all that is bad in the world. Why won’t you fight back?”

I smiled. It wasn’t a true smile; who would expect anything true from the darkness? The darkness is full of deceit and lies.

“True, I am the darkness.”

“Then why won’t you destroy the light?”

“Because the light is too strong for me to destroy. The darkness may never die, it may never be destroyed, but the darkness could never snuff out the light. The light is stronger and it overpowers the darkness. The light holds a power that the darkness could never begin to understand.”

He snorted in distaste, glaring down at my pathetic form. “You may be the darkness but you remain as foolish and naïve as ever. You may admit that you are the darkness but you’ve yet to accept it. You still think of yourself as a person; you are not a person. You are nothing; you are everything; you are evil; you are darkness.”

I turned away from him in favor of staring at the white, white walls. I could do nothing but long for them, so close yet so far. The only thing keeping me from reaching out and touching its smooth surface was the jacket that restrained my arm’s movements. How ironic. No matter how close I am to the light I’ll never be able to reach it, to become it.

He continued his verbal assault. “Why do you try to deny your fate? Are you afraid? Afraid of the dark?”

“…Yes.”

“You shouldn’t be. The darkness and the light, though they are polar opposites, are very much the same. People enjoy the light because they can see where they are headed, but when they come to the darkness they are blinded. They stumble about in the darkness in fear, panicking when they hear the slightest sound just because they don’t know what it is. They don’t understand the darkness, they can’t see its true nature, and that is why they fear it.” I felt his slightly-calloused hands firmly grasp my chin, lifting it and forcing my eyes to meet with his own dark, bloody eyes of crimson. “Foolish child, you of all people should know better than to fear the darkness. You are the darkness.”

“And that is why I fear it.”

Silence. Beautiful, fleeting silence.

“…You fear yourself?”

“No. I fear what I might do. I fear what I may be capable of.”

His dark chuckle resonated through the room, sending chills down my spine due to the coldness behind the disturbing, throaty laughter. I just barely refrained from shivering, lest I give him the satisfaction.

“Don’t be afraid. Embrace the darkness; embrace your true self. You are corrupt, evil. You are everything bad in the world. You are war, you are murder, you are rape, you are hate, you are pain, you are death. You are the darkness. Only once you accept that will you be able to escape.”

“I mustn’t escape.”

“Why not?”

“I need to stay here. If I want to get better then I need to stay here.”

Another indignant snort from him. “Tell me, do you feel any better now than you did before you were taken here?”

“No, but-”

“Have I left you?”

“No.”

“Are you able to reach the light?”

I stared almost longingly at the white, white walls. “…No.”

Although I wasn’t looking at him, I knew he was smirking at me. He thought that he had won, that he had convinced me to embrace my darkness. And maybe a small part of me was. But as long as I had will power, as long as I still had a fighting spirit, I wouldn’t give in. If I accepted the darkness, my darkness, there would be no return. Assuming that I could control my destiny, that I could somehow stray from the path of darkness. The path that was made just for me. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was impossible.

Any path I took was a path of darkness.

I remember asking him, that if I was the darkness, what did that make him? He simply looked down at me with his usual smirk, purposely ignoring my question. Whether he did it to further irritate me or because he felt I wasn’t ready to know the answer, I wasn’t sure.

I sighed to myself, my gaze never leaving the wall. My eyes took on a glazed, far-away look as I continued to stare, temporarily turning my brain off. I had done enough thinking for the day. Right now, I just needed to rest my weary mind. Maybe things would start to look better later in the evening.

Besides, even the darkness needs to rest. That’s what the light of day is for.

I felt my eyes flutter, my eyelids suddenly feeling ten times heavier than normal. My breathing started to slow and my eyes closed completely. I knew that if he still had something he wanted to say to me he would enter my dreams and turn them into that hellish nightmare, but that still wasn’t enough to keep me awake. Just as I was about to enter the realm of dreams, I heard his voice; though it was hazy due to my barely-conscious state, I could still hear every word.

“Fine. Continue to resist your darkness. Continue to live your life as an oblivious fool. Soon enough you will realize your place. You will understand that the darkness can never become the light.” And the moment the last word passed through his lips, I passed through to the land of slumber.

I’d never had more pleasant dreams before in my life.

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Saturday, May 20, 2006

   MORE OTAKU GOODNESS! xD
I'm bored and when I'm bored I like to do these Otaku thingys, so HA! FEART IT!

~Begin!~

KAIBA: *Looking at himself in the mirror* I'm so cool. And handsome. And sexy. And rich. And powerful. ALl the ladies want me! xD

MOKUBA: Seto, are you talking to yourself again?

KAIBA: Maybe... <.< >.>

MOKUBA: The doctor said that's not healthy... Seto, did you forget to take your pills again?

KAIBA: Yes, but only because the tacos told me that the pills are really mind-control devices sent to earth by the aliens from Uranus so that they can control my body and make me do lewd, sexual things in public!

MOKUBA: O_o -_-; *Twitches* Take your pills, Seto.

KAIBA: NEVER! I'm too sexy for mah pills! xD *Singing* Dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

MOKUBA: T___T Only Uncle Pegasus is allowed to talk to me that way!

KAIBA: Uncle Pegasus? O_o

PEGASUS: *Sticks his head in through the window* Did someone call my name?! O_O

KAIBA: -_-; What did I say about coming in my house, you fruity drunkard?!

PEGASUS: Oh Kaiba-boy, why must you always play hard to get?

KAIBA: Last time I checked, getting a restraining order is not playing "hard to get." Now go away, you're not supposed to be within fifty yards of me. You've already traumatized poor Mokuba! JUST LOOK AT HIM! Dx

MOKUBA: *Eating a Danish*

KAIBA: T___T The poor, poor boy. He never had a chance.

PEGASUS: Fine! I'll leave but I'll lock you in your own room FOREVER! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Closes the window, locks it, then runs off to the local pub just in time for happy hour*

KAIBA: NOOOOOOO! We're doomed, DOOMED! We'll die slow and painful deaths! I don't think the dark swirling abys that rests in my chest and used to be my heart will be able to take it! Mokuba, it looks like this ius the end! HOLD ME! Dx *Reaches his arms out towards Mokuba*

MOKUBA: *Has finished his Danish and is licking the crumbs off his fingers* Uh, what? Sorry, I wasn't listening. What did you say, Seto?

KAIBA: T______T Oh woe is me. I can already feel death approach me. The hunger pains are coming... MUST... RESIST... THE URGE TO DEVOUR HUMAN FLESH!

MOKUBA: *Takes a step back*

KAIBA: Need... FOOD! But what can I eat? *Searches his room for any edible substance* Ah-ha! *Grabs a tube of Crest toothpaste*

MOKUBA: Uh, Seto...

KAIBA: FOOD! *Starts eating the toothpaste, getting it smeared all over his face*

MOKUBA: Seto, we've only been in here for three minutes. Besides, we're no locked in. We can leave through the door.

KAIBA: *Too busy eating toothpaste to listen*

MOKUBA: *Mutters to himself* I should start crushing his pills in his food... *Leaves the room*

KAIBA: Mmm... Minty! ^_____^ *Burp*

~End!~

O_o Uhhh, yeah... This one wasn't even funny. It just scares me... *Shrugs shoulders* Oh well.


Look at what I made! xD Lol!
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Friday, May 19, 2006

   ...I'M BACK! xD
So, remember when I told you all about my crapped out compy? Well, after a couple days of dealing with the Tech Support (Which is a daring task, considering you can barely understand a word they say) And we got my computer up and running! ^____^ My dad ordered a disk that I could use to fix up my computer without having to delete all my old data (like my stories I have written on it.) Today I came home and my dad had alr4eady come here and fixed my computer. It's times like these that help me to realize how generous my father can be. ^_______^

Well, I have a lot of catching up to do... And a few pictures I need to scan and add, which I'll probably do tomorrow. *Sighs* I LOVE YOU, COMPY! *Hugs computer monitor*
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Friday, May 12, 2006

   Must... Resist... Urge To Kill...
Hey guys, guess what! My computer was on during a rainstorm and the power decided to go on and off over twelve times in less than thrity minutes and now it won't start up! I just keep getting this screen that says my computer has encountered a problem and automatically shuts itself down to protect itself.

I can't even get on my computer and work on my fanfictions! Hopefully my computer's memory didn't get fried or I'll have lost everything. (At least, everything that I don't already have posted on FanFiction.Net)

The only reason I'm on now is because I'm at my dad's house so I can use his computer for the weekend.

This also means I can't scan any new art because the only computer compatible with the scanner won't work. We're going to try to call and get help, but who knows how long that'll take.

T____T Why did my computer HAVE to be on?! WHY?! *Dies*

*Comes back to life* I really wanna stab something right now. >:(

Oh well. I'm sure eventually we'll be able to fix it, but I won't be able to be on the computer as often as I usually am, so please bear with me. T________T

This sucks. I love my internet buddies just as much as I love my real friends. I wanna be able to be in contact, DAMMIT! Dx

Ahem, sorry for all the ranting. I had to get that all off my chest before I killed someone. O_________O
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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

   Umm... Stuff? I dunno... O_O STOP STARING AT ME!
I haven't been on for a few days because Saturday afternoon I bought Kingdom Hearts Two. That game is my sex. xD I've already been to all the worlds (I think) and I'm at level 40.

Yes, I am addicted to video games. ...And video game hot boys are as sexy as anime hot boys. *Drools*

I made up a joke! ^_^ It's dirty... >;D

Q: What did the couple that was having sex on the train tracks say?

A: "I hope we come before the train does!"

Yes, my mind is always in the gutter and I love it! xD
I now must go back to my precious Sora... And Goofy. Lol.
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Friday, May 5, 2006

   I'm bored, so... OTAKU GOODNESS! xD
~Begin~

YUGI: *Sleeping on the couch and mumbling in his sleep* Zzzzz! Me gusta mucha los tacos de Taco Bell! Zzzzz!

YAMI: *Bursts into the living room from the kitchen* DEMONZ!

YUGI: *Wakes up* O_O Great balls of fire! What is it, Yami?!

YAMI: Aibou, I have discovered a power even stronger than the heart of the cards...

YUGI: O_o Huh?

YAMI: BEHOLD! *Holds up a toaster*

YUGI: Uh, Yami...

YAMI: Shhh! Just watch!

TOASTER: ...

YUGI: ...

YAMI: O_O

TOASTER: ...DING! *Pop-tart pops out*

YAMI: *Stares in awe* I've discovered the heart of the toaster! It's pop-tarts! All hail my great power and pharaohy-ness! xD

YUGI: -_-; Yami, sometimes I wonder about you...

YAMI: *Too impressed by his own awesomeness to care*

TEA: Pop-tarts are like friendship because they're fruity and warm and sweet and everyone likes them! xD YAY FRIENDSHIP! ...I mean, yay pop-tarts! *Shifty eyes*

YUGI: O_O Tea, how did you get in my house? All the doors were locked!

TEA: Your grandpa kept me tied up in the basement, but I chewed through the ropes! ^_____^ I like rope. It's tasty like friendship!

YAMI: Your friendship may be strong, but there's no way it can stand up against the awesome power of THE HEART OF THE CARDS! ...I mean, TOASTER! xD

TEA: *Eyes harden and suddenly becomes serious* Bring it on, bitch*

YAMI: Girlfriend, puh-leaze! It's already been brought to the table and served on a silver platter! *Snaps his fingers in a Z-formation*

YUGI: -_-; *Rubbing his temples* They're doing it again...

TEA: *Pulls a kitten out of her pocket and throws it in Yami's hair*

YAMI: *Uses the toaster to launch a burning hot pop-tart at Tea's face*

TEA: It burns! Burning is like friendship! ^___^ *Dies* xP

YAMI: Awww, the fluffiness! It's too friendly, TOO FRIENDLY! *Falls down and dies* xP

YUGI: *Glares at thin air* -_- *Sarcasm* Great. Thanks a lot, guys. I'm so glad you all decided to make a bloody pile of corpses in my house. Well, if you think I'm cleaning this up, you've got another thing coming. *Turns on the TV abd watches Dr Phil*

GRANDPA: *Enters the living room* Yugi, I'm home! *Sees the corpses* O___O What happened here?!

YUGI: *Keeps his eyes on the TV* Yami was playing in the kitchen again.

GRANDPA: Oh, that explains a lot. But why's Tea dead too? O_o

YUGI: Why was Tea tied up in the basement?

GRANDPA: *Shifty eyes* Touché. I won't ask any more questions if you won't.

YUGI: Mum's the word.

GRANDPA: Good. *Sits down on the couch next to Yugi* Oh boy, I love Dr Phil! ^_______^

YAMI+TEA: *Still dead* xP

~End~

Ahem... Uh, don't ask... -_-;;; xD
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Wednesday, May 3, 2006

   Tired, Sick, Excited, And just plain Confuzzled
I hate allergies so much. My nose is all runny, my throat feels like crap and all I wanna do is fal asleep in the middle of a 4-way intersection. It should be illegal to feel so trrible during the summer. Stupid nature and it's stupid pollen. -_-

Oh, a couple days ago I got the part in a play I wanted. It's just a play our Drama class is doing, so everyone got a part, but I'm still excited. Our class is doing two one-act plays.

In one of the plays I'm just "Stranger 2" but that's fine with me. There are two strangers and their searching for things they lost. The first stranger lost her reputation and second one lost their temper. xD I'm happy because I get to go all psycho on the male lead's arse. xD

In the second one-act play I get to be Florence. She's a mother that's upset that her daughter has pursued a career in acting and tries to do whatever she can to get her back home. I love her because she's so sneaky... underhanded... And she's super manipulative. Hmm, I wonder why I was picked for THAT role? xD LOL! Hee hee, I'm evil and proud of it! And Florence is one of the major roles! YAY! ^_____^

And now, I really want a pop-tart. Mmm... Artificial cherry flaoring and red-dye number 40... *Drools*


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Wednesday, April 26, 2006

   More super duper poetry news goodness! xD
Remember a while ago when I said I was getting my poem "Remembering Sakura" published? Well, more good news!

A while ago (probably two weeks ago or more) I got something in the mail from poetry.com saying that they wanted me to register for this poet's contest thing in Las Vegas, but I didn't say anything before because my mom already told me I can't do it since it costs a LOT of money, which I understand completely. I was a little dissapointed, but I respect my mother's decision.

Now for the good news! ^____^ Today in the mail I got another thing from poetry.com They asked for my permission to have one of 33 poets to have my poem to be professionally recorded for a new CD poetry collection, "The Sound of Poetry" which reminds me of "The Sound of Music." I'm not gonna by the CD cuz it costs over fifty bucks, but I'm gonna give them permission to use my poem. ^___^ I also got the Editor's choice Award or something like that...

You know, I never really ever thought my poetry was good, but poetry.com has lately given me a nice ego boost, even if it DOES just seem like they want my money. Lol. xD

Oh, and if you haven't read my poem yet and are interested then it should be somewhere in my archives.

Peace out. ^_~
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Tuesday, April 25, 2006

   I'm the moaning-champion!
Wow... Today was just... fun. xD

This morning wasn't so great because my friends Evan, Russel and Jeff kept harrassing me and at one point they all gained up to try and hug me. For any normal person this wouldn't be so bad, but I can barely stand it when my gal pals hug me. Heck, even my mother can't hug me without my permission or else I'll freak out. Their hands were everywhere! O_O It's hard to hit away six arms that keep trying to grope you.

Things got better at lunch though. One of my friends, Katie started telling me about a poem she was writing and as soon as she said "Moaning" my mind went into the gutter and I started making orgasm noises in the cafeteria. xD The funny thing was that all my friends said I actually sounded like I was having an orgasm so now they think that I know how it sounds from experience. Lol. xD Then my friend Caitlin and I had a moaning contest and I won. And all the guys that sit at the table across from ours were looking at us. xD They want us and our sexy moany-ness.

And that was basically my day... -_-; I really need to get a life, don't I?
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Friday, April 21, 2006

PICTURES... Again... *Grumbles*
Here's a pic of me that I messed around with in MS Paint. Just so you know, it's a pic from 7th grade... That's why I don't got no boobies. And the image was resized so you can't see my face. xD



Here's a pic I made yesterday. I was bored... And I was hungry for spleens... xD



Here's a pic I did of a close-up of Kurama's face from Yuyu Hakusho. Thise little blobby things are rose petals. -_-;



Here's a real crappy chibi I did of Ryou from YuGiOh.



This pic is just one giant acid trip. xD



Here's one of my OC's...



Hopefully, this time the pics will show. -_-; If they don't... I'm going to shoot something... Like Tristan.
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