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myOtaku.com: rosewolf


Thursday, January 6, 2005


   Today is long
hello everyone! Well back in school and right now i'm just taking some time out from class to type in here. Alot has been gonig on lately with me. I've been working my a$$ off during winter vacation. But that means i have money. So i guess that is a good thing.

The worst thing right now in my life is that my bf jeremy can't live up here in NC, so we are going to try to see eachother every week when he drives up from SC. I live in NC and it is only a 2 hours drive. But that caused alot of drama. I'm scared in alot of ways but i guess that as long as i just keep focused and "glass half full" i'll be ok. Though yesterday, i was pretty mean to him. I do wish sometimes, i had my life like back in SC. running after guys and crap like that. Just really wish i could be with him more but he said he doesn't mind as long as he gets a chance. See, i dont' know if i love him yet but he knows he loves me. Well shouldn't i love him back? It is hard knowing your feeling swhen only speaking to the person (we went to HS together then i moved, he is college age and i still 17 so we talk on the computer alot). Well he knows that he loves me but me, i guess i can't do that. I also have been thinking about this whole bf thing. When you get older it starts to mean more. I am going to be 17 this monday and i just feel like i'm about to go insane from everything. Though i guess i dont' mind. i guess..I do like to keep busy but i know i'm gonna have alot of crap to do soon. I have to ask my 'rents about him coming up to see me every week, i think they are going to freak over it. I just feel closed in. ya know?
I hardly see my family anymore. Though sometimes i don't mind. We hardly talk, though we do have our times together. But with everything going on we dont' get together often. I care but then i just get scared that when i'm a parent that is how my life will be. When i look at my parents, i get scared b/c i don't want to have a relationship like they have. It is jsut different then i thought married couples where suppose to be like. But i guess i'm always questioning things, which sucks. let me tell you it sucks! So bye bye for now!

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