Sunday, February 11, 2007

   The Uncatchable Catch and Anego
Bah, too many people I know are getting engaged or married or falling for someone, and it's starting to drive me crazy. This would be the curse of being a single college senior on the campus of a Christian university. On the one part, I'm sad because I can't seem to find a guy that catches my attention. Some of my closest friends are happy with someone, why can't I be happy with someone?

But then I think back to the opportunities that I've had this year to date someone or have a boyfriend and I question if that's what I really want. There have been a couple guys that I came very close to entering a dating relationship with, but I bowed out before anything went too far. Why, you may ask? I'm not sure I can answer that myself. I guess the thought of getting into a relationship seemed restraining and suffocating. And then I look around the guys around me, and honestly, none of them seem to be what I want. Yes, there are a lot of great guys here, but none of them seem to be great for me.

At first, that saddened me. I wondered if there was something wrong with me. But then I realized that it wasn't a bad thing, and there wasn't anything wrong with me. It's just that, at this point in my life, I'm not suppose to be with anyone. And it's okay. Being single is not a bad thing.

I've been watching a drama lately, called "Anego". I admit, I only began watching it because a friend of mine had mentioned it to me and said that Jin from KAT-TUN was in it. Ever the Jin fan, my roommate and I decided to watch it. While I do thoroughly enjoy watching Jin, I have to admit that he isn't the reason why I really like the series now. I find myself relating to the protagonist, Noda (or Anego, as Jin calls her). She is a 32-year-old working woman who is still single while from everywhere around her is the pressure to get married and settle down. And at first it seems that she wants to settle down, to the extent that she goes on a blind date and almosts gets engaged to a man who she knows she can never be in love with. Slowly, it seems (I haven't finished the series yet, thus why I say it seems) she is starting come to terms with the fact that it's okay to be a single woman living on her own and working. It gives her a type of indepence she couldn't have otherwise.

I find myself coming to this conclusion myself, though, at a bit of a younger age than Anego. Gradually, all this outside pressure to start thinking about settling down after graduation doesn't really bother me so much anymore. There is so much that I want to accomplish and experience. I'm eager to get out there on my own.

It doesn't bother me anymore to think 10 years ahead and face the possibility that I might not be married by then. Granted, no one really knows what will happen in the future. But I'm not afraid to face the possibility that I might not marry. My friends like to tell me that I'm talking crazy and that yes, I will get married someday. And I'm not saying that I never want to get married, I'm just saying that if I don't get married, it's okay. I'm content with being single.

Yes, there will be times when I'll find myself lonely, but it's okay, because there are times in life when all we really need is to be alone.

And someday I'll find someone who is a good fit for me. Someone I can be goofy with and who will share my passions. Someone who won't think I'm weird for liking anime and cosplaying :). Someone who makes my pulse rush and a smile to come to face at the mere thought of him. Yea, maybe someday we'll find each other. But for now, I'm content with dreaming about him. I'm happy being single.
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