Tuesday, November 6, 2007

FOURTY FIFTH ENTRY
Part of Down Where I Am by Demons & Wizards. It makes sense to me.

Down where I am,
There's no bitter end at all,
The bitterness is endless,
Keeps going on and on.
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Wednesday, September 19, 2007

FOURTY FOURTH ENTRY
Why do I torture myself like this? Why do I continue to think of a past that will never come to be again? Why do I look back on things that now only bring me pain? Why must my mind torture me in this way? I almost can't believe I was ever that happy, because true happiness is something I now rarely feel. I would not say I am depressed, I can go out and have a good time with friends, so I am not depressed. I am simply tortured. And as of late the pain has been coming back stronger again. For a while it was barely there and then suddenly it awoke again. I feel it like darkness in my soul. So many possibilities of what I could do to change this are flowing through my head, the main one is to stop caring about anyone. I am afraid that I am going to lose someone else that I care about and yet again it is because of the fact that I care about them and that is not what they want. I dont want to have that happen to me twice. Once was painful enough. I am tired of losing this fight.
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Sunday, April 1, 2007

FOURTY THIRD ENTRY
It is interesting how I always learn things I am not supposed to know without even trying.
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Sunday, December 24, 2006

FOURTY SECOND ENTRY
I know that I should be excited for tomorow is Christmas, but even Christmas does not bring to me the joy it used to. My thoughts are darkened for I wish so much that I could just wish her a merry christmas, and give her a hug. You never really know what you have till it's gone. How true. For a time, I had true happiness, and I didn't realize that, and because I was so blind I lost it. Perhaps I have lost it forever, I don't know. All I know is that I will not give up, because maybe someday I will have that happiness back. For now I must live with the memories of happiness past and hope that fate is with me.
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Monday, December 11, 2006

Fourty First Entry
It has been decided. I will tell her all I have to say. The next time I see her I will show her my heart at least one last time. After that it is up to her. I realize that if she chooses it to be, it will be the last time I see her. This thought pains me greatly but it is better to tell her so there is no shadow of hope. I will leave it all in her hands and then if she wishes me to, I will leave. I simply hope she will not truly ask me to leave forever.

Great Big Sea
How did we get from saying I love you...

It's a cold day for september,
was all I thought to say
When I saw you on the street the other day
Something's changed between us,
all the talk we made was small
What do you say to someone when they've heard you say it all?
It's an awkward conversation,
in a most peculiar way...

[Chorus x2]
How did we get from saying 'I love you'
to 'I'll see you around someday'

'It seems like only days ago',
We had so much to say
Did we take it all for granted,
Did it all gets thrown away
'It calls for rain this afternoon', she finally replied
Then there was such a stuttering silence,
that I felt my mouth go dry
We'll just talk about the weather,
cause there's not much else to say...

[Chorus x2]

Has all the ice been broken,
all our surfaces been scratched
Have all the words been spoken,
have we finally met our match?
Cause it's an awkward conversation,
In a most peculiar way.

[Chorus x3]
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