Sunday, April 2, 2006

   FOURTIETH ENTRY
Things are somewhat interesting right now, Fangs and I just had pancakes and coffee and things are going ok for me right now because I have my girlfriend Caitlyn but the only downside right now is my mind keeps fucking with me and making me worry. I keep worrying that I am going to do something wrong or that she is going to realize that she is to good for me and that she will go for someone else. She gives me no reason to think these things but my mind makes me worry none the less. Anyway, whatever, that is just the way things go I guess.

Later
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Tuesday, March 28, 2006

THIRTY NINTH ENTRY
Slowly, but surely,
My sanity, I'm losing,
I'm looking, around me,
But darkness, is all I see.

Slowly, but surely,
My hope, I'm losing,
I'm trying, to hang on,
But the light, is all gone.

Slowly, but surely,
My strength, I'm losing,
I'm trying, to hide it,
But my mask, is breaking.

Slowly, but surely,
My mind, Is killing me,
I'm trying, to fight it,
But my mind, is winning.

Slowly, but surely,
I am, dying,
Please don't, cry for me,
For in death, I will be free.
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Monday, February 20, 2006

THIRTY EIGHTH ENTRY
I know that I haven't posted for a while but I just haven't felt like it. I am not going to say too much except for the fact that I am sleeping even less, it is getting harder, the pain is getting stronger and I am losing my grip more and more everyday. I realized a few things about myself recently and they were kindof unsettling, but as always I will be the one that never gives up. People look at me as someone who is strong and can take all of this and this is what I will strive to be. Afterall what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger and I can't die. Here is a song I wrote. Tell me what you think.

Type: Lyrics
Name: Life, Love, Lie

Verse 1
I no longer want to sleep,
Because she haunts me in my dreams,
Burning in my memory,
The thoughts of a love that cannot be,
Her eyes they stare deep into me,
Yet she doesn’t see what I’m feeling,
Even when they are gripping my soul,
Because I wear a mask of stone,
That I shall never let crack,
For fear that she will see,
The love I hide inside of me.

Chorus
I tear my soul apart,
I lie to my heart,
I put on an act,
And for strength I ask,
To hold back the tears,
That are coming to my eyes,
To push back the pain,
Before my life it takes,
For this is not the pain,
Of a love that is lost,
No this is the pain,
Of a love that was never,
Given the chance to be,
Because of the lie,
That we are forced to live.

Verse 2
They say there is nothing worse,
Then losing the one you love,
But I believe that there is one thing,
That can hurt more,
And that is seeing the one you love,
And in your heart knowing,
That it cannot be,
And yet still trying,
Just to make her happy,
No matter what it takes,
Even when the price,
Is having to let a part of you die.

Chorus
I tear my soul apart,
I lie to my heart,
I put on an act,
And for strength I ask,
To hold back the tears,
That are coming to my eyes,
To push back the pain,
Before my life it takes,
For this is not the pain,
Of a love that is lost,
No this is the pain,
Of a love that was never,
Given the chance to be,
Because of the lie,
That we are forced to live.

Outro
Oh a love,
That will never,
Have the chance,
To be,
Because of the lie,
That we must live.
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Sunday, December 11, 2005

THIRTY SEVENTH ENTRY
I feel like some of my friends are not being honest with me and I don't understand why. I figured that by now I had earned at least honesty from them. People are confusing. Whatever I am going to go write some music.
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Monday, November 28, 2005

THIRTY SIXTH ENTRY
I pray that one day they will see that I do what I do because I care.
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Friday, November 25, 2005

THIRTY FIFTH ENTRY
And so now I have been awakened from my dream,
To face the harshness of reality,
I will hold my head up high,
And when faced with darkness,
I will remember that I must merely close my eyes,
And I will see the light.
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Wednesday, November 23, 2005

   THIRTY FOURTH ENTRY
Sometimes I wish I could just be normal, But then I realize that I was never meant to be.

Well I am confused in general right now. Apparently some people think I have become a jerk and I dont really care but I do wonder why. I am wondering if certain things in my life right now are wrong and if certain things are going to soon come to an end even though I hope they don't. I really just dont know about some things anymore. I wrote another lyrics, that made me happy to get done. Lyrics are something I do for myself, I can express myself in them, they make me happy. Tomorow is early dismissal and if Ginter and I dont get int trouble from our parents we will probably end up hanging out and just taking some time to relax. Saturday I should be going to kairo's, if she isnt still sick. I really hope she feels better. Anyway I have to get some work done. Later.
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Saturday, November 19, 2005

   THIRTY THIRD ENTRY
I HAVE A GENIUS IDEA. I have been writing these songs with my band and we were originally going to have the trilogy of the damned which would be 3 songs that told a kind of story and then I decided that I could write a full story for it in lyrics. All the songs would connect and the lyrics would tell the story and there would be different characters singing at different times. I am really looking forward to writing the other lyrics and I have the story developing in my head and I think it will be so awesome if we can make it work. I am probably going to call it story of the damned or salvation of the damned. Anyway I must go cook dinner.

Have a good day.


Red: "Red is the color of fire and blood, so
it is associated with energy, war, danger,
strength, power, determination as well as
passion, desire, and love."


What is your anime theme color (pics!)
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Sunday, November 13, 2005

   THIRTY SECOND ENTRY
Well my weekend so far has been awesome. The best part was getting to spend 12 hours with Kairo (my girlfriend) on friday. I love being with her. She is so cute, and beautiful, and I love her personality. Just being around her and getting to hold her makes me happy and kissing her makes me forget everything else. That is what I love the most because when I kiss her I stop worrying about everything else, my mind stops tormenting me, all I think about is her and that is a great feeling. And I have decided that 12 hours goes by way to quick. Oh and Ice cubes are awesome. Anyway saturday I hung out with the band all day and we practiced, played video games, drove around, stuff like that and it was real fun. Today I will probably be practicing some more with the guys. Wish I could see Kairo instead, I really need to get my license so I can see her more hopefully. Anyway she still doesnt know about this site, maybe I will be nice and tell her about it lol. Maybe. Anyway I am going to get going.

Later.
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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

   THIRTY FIRST ENTRY
Well I have decided to update because I am here in detention doing computer work and I am bored. The damn code will not work and I worked so hard on it. I will get out of here at 5 and I am looking forward to that because I am hungry and tired. Kairo is amazing, I am so happy that she is my girlfriend even if she does say some hurtful things at times because I know she doesn't mean them, she is just really sarcastic and doesn't always realize what her words will do. But she is still cute, even when she tries to be mean :P. She doesnt know about this site so muahahaha she will never read this. She has so much synchro and because of it she will not be able to go to these plays with me, that sucks but I don't want her to miss out on her synchro because I know how important it is to her, she is on manitobas NATIONAL TEAM. I am quite proud that I can boast about her :P. Oh and I should be getting my full license soon. Anyway I am going to get back to work so have a good day.

Later.
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