Monday, November 24, 2003

The Offences of Ogres: chapter 2 Salvadors life
numbers in brackets are for foot notes.

8 hours later…
‘I’m home. Ow! My heads killing, I can’t remember what happened last night. Either I went to the village and had one to many badger intestine beers or I had a fight with that no good b******, Oswelled Ongeredden. Well I have crab slime on my clothes presume I was drunk. And I think I paid with some of my research again because I have a bill in my pocket.’
This man is Salvador Baracondarg, as you found in the first paragraph. If you have not read that paragraph I suggest you do. Salvador is an author who writes about Ogres. This also is briefly explained in the first paragraph. He has 3 sisters and several brothers named Bill. One sister is a famous dragon Knight, another is famous for inventing the magically driven tooth bush and the other became Queen of a neighbouring country. His brothers own an all you can kill then eat store which has become very popular in several (I mean, all) Kingdoms. He for some reason studies Ogres.
He isn’t short on money, the 4th most famous Alchemist (Nico Las Steal) invented a hat which spewed out the amount of coins the wearer wanted at that time. Salvador has the prototype which gives it’s owner 20 gold coins a day. This covers the bills, but he makes 30 gold coins from the Harofeld Ogre Research Society. (H.O.R.S)
Salvador is often mistaken for a wizard. He wears red, tatty, weather worn robe, and a pointy green hat and a short white beard. This is peculiar because he has brown hair and is to young to start growing white hair.
Life is pretty boring for studing creatures’ bent on destruction and war. They seem to live a normal life. In fact one week the most interesting thing was Ogdener Raisenclubber put out the clothes to dry on the line. They live like humans except more violence and less politics. Their way of life is far better than ours.
Salvador’s book; The Offences of Ogres; The Ultimate Guide to Ogres is still a work in process but it is predicted to sell 50,000 copies.(1) So this will make higher than his brothers at lest.
So Salvador still suffering over his hangover went to the bathroom and had a wash. Then he put his clothes in the wash tub and put on a set of dark blue robes with gold around the edges. He had received these clothes for all light night(2) for a Royal Banquet his sister, Quenenyan, had invited all the family too. So his twin sister, Pearly bought him new robes so he would look nice. If she saw them now she would collapse! They were torn, stained (with Ogre and his own blood, crab slime, badger intestine beer and other alcohol and chocolate from the cake he received for his birthday) and they were un-ironed.
Ogerwerd Manerwart takes care of him by doing his washing and cleaning. She isn’t really an Ogre; she was transformed into one and was shunned from society so Salvador brought her to Mt. Ogrekill were he introduced her to her now husband.
Then Salvador remembered something; it was the Grand Meeting of Harofeld Ogre researchers Society today. It was a 4-hour journey by foot and 2 hour journey by horse. It started in 10 minutes.
He quickly ran to the stables in town so he could hire a hoarse, even though he knew he wouldn’t make it. Though he had to try at least then he could just say he was late instead of he forgot. After purchasing the best horse he could get, (Shadow e-mail) he rode through Ogreopolis. Faster than an elf being told you can get free tree houses at Happy Hippie Tree House Emporium.

(1)This is because 50,000 Ogre Hunters/researchers wanted to get to know their prey/subject in detail to help them kill/study Ogres.

(2)This is a festival on the Mirror the sun stops for 24 hours at certain places once a year. This is celebrated because (everyone gets a day off work and) all night creatures, monsters and fiends die when they come to terrorise people. The date changes every year so they don’t know when not to come out.

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