Friday, June 27, 2008

sooooo..... whats next?
hey, im not dead yet, im typing this up at 4am because i cant sleep, tired, very tired, but cant sleep nevertheless. ive been an insomaniac these days, im having a very hard time sleeping. my mom got married a while back, im not sure whether to be happy or sad or whatever the hell i should be feeling. its weird, the most life changing thing that has happened to me in about a couple months, and i could care less. well, im going to have to change schools now, which is a bitch. ive actually moved 7 times in my life, not including this time. every single time i move, its hard to adapt, but every time i move, i get more used to it and it gets easier. idk, i ussually just stand around like a flippin retard on the first day. the hardest thing of course is trying to find a lunch table to sit at.but ill cross that bridge when it comes. im actually exited about the change of schools in the manner that i can be whoever the hell i want. im usually a shy person but ive been trying to overcome that so maybe i should be the loud guy in the class? idk, ill go wherever life takes me. oh and im getting a ps3 with metal gear solid this sunday. ive been a fan so itll be pretty cool. these past two years, ive concluded that there is no god, and religion is for people who need the satisfaction of knowing that there is a higher power in the world. i guess you can call me an atheist, but lately ive been wondering, i want my life to have a purpose, id really like to believe in destiny, but the fact is, in the words of solid snake, " a strong man doesnt need to see the future, he makes his own." so im not sure what to believe in anymore. the song in the background, believe, by the bravery is exactly how im feeling right now. im not sure what to do next in life, so i guess im actually hoping for a higher power to tell me what to do, but the bitch of it is, there is no higher power, we ourselves forge our own life, and life isnt so easy that someone will just tell you what to do, we'll just have to take a chance =)

i guess what im trying to say is that, i need something to believe, and i need to something more to live for.
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