Thursday, June 2, 2005

What do I want to say
This is weird I'm actually posting for once but I still have absolutley nothing to say at all. People were looking over my shoulder and I can see Sayanachan is on this site right now, maybe she actually has something to say. Here in my boredom I will leave you this short story that is my attempt at writing poorly. It actually is ok. Please just ignore when it says indent I had to do that for the orginal site it's on and I'm to lazy to fix it at this mometn.


{indent}"It looks to be a fine day" said the maple. To which the oak replied "Actually good chap, I believe it to be quite mediocre." OK, perhaps the oak wasn't really British and replying to the maple. There could, however, possibly be a predicament such as this. It is also just as likely there won't be. But you must be willing to accept that if you are to accept anything at all.

{indent}Look over yonder, standing there below the sweeping branches of a weeping willow is a group of people all chanting to the sky. You see they have a pattern going on. Every Thursday they gather under the massive tree and join in a circle. Once properly positioned they begin their anciant ritual. Stomp stomp, clap, stomp stomp, clap. Every once in a great while one of them will shout "Come to me Freddie" or "We are the Champions!" Although it does seem unlikely that they have based this whole cult like assembly on Queen. Of course it is just as likely that it is.

{indent}If ever a person garnered the courage to ask them they would get a reply along the lines of "Oh great almighty one we are under pressure. Help us to find that crazy little thing called love." or "Well my good fellow we all found out we quite like boiled eggs a few years back and while under the influence of the eggs we began doing this. We found it to be great fun and decided to continue doing it." However no one has heard these word because as of yet no one has bothered to ask.

{indent}Now also in this vicinity is another amazing thing. You see this particular park is home to the world famous frog barbershop quartet. I'm sure you've seen a singing, dancing frog before. Well those are all just imposters. If you ever went to this particular park you could hear the frogs renditions of "Hey Jude", "Like a Virgin" and the crowd favorite, "Louie Louie." Of course no one will ever get to hear them again. You see, sadly the bass frog just last Friday croaked. His obituary was in todays paper and his tribute concert is in two weeks. Hope to see you there.

{indent}Maybe this all seems absurd and unbelievable to you. Well Darrin Trello thinks the same thing. Which is difficult to believe because he is in the middle of it. Darin happens to be sitting over there on the old, rickety park bench. No, not the guy with the mullet. The young man with the shirt that reads, "If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares why is there a song about him?" Well more than Jimmy crack corn is puzzling Darin. His mind is a disaster area. Too many things going on at once. On minute Pythagorean triples are running through his mind and the next moment the Best of John Williams is blaring through his head. All the while My Little Pony is eating at his brain cells.

{indent}His problem right now is actually three-fold. Three mini dilemmas all in one small package, available only for a limited time. For you see he has only time to fix two things so one must remain a disaster zone. Behind door number one we have the fact that he didn't get his girlfriend a gift for her birthday which is tonight. Behind door number two we have a broken curtain in his room and boy does this guy really want his privacy. Lastly Darins' pet rock is dying. It has remained motionless for weeks.

{indent}Now this was quite the dilemma for Darin. So he did the only thing he could think of, ask for advice. Since his whole future resides on his choice the obvious first person to go to was the local fortune teller, Madame Trudeau.

{indent}Entering the dilapidated brick building didn't bother Darin one bit. Nor did the spider webs, bull dog or human skull being used as a paper weight to hold down the latest issues of People magazine. No, what bothered him was the outrageous price. $20 for just speaking to Madame Trudeau for ten minutes. According to Darins calculations that was like, $4 a minute. No one ever said Darin was going to be the next greatest thing in the math world.

"I see you walking through the door,
What troubles you, what are you here for?"

{indent}Now this surprised Darin. If she was supposed to be all knowing how could she not know what he was here for? "Well I..."

"You are as clear as plaster,
You've come from an area of disaster."

{indent}Now this tickled Darin pink; which of course, he didn't like because pink just isn't a suitable color for a guy, a poodle maybe but never an almost full grown man.

"You have a problem, maybe two
Give me details, I tell you what to do."

{indent}So Darin explained the problems that had stricken him down. All during this time the fortune teller merely nodded her head and clucked a few times. It appeared her true calling was that of a chicken impersonator. Of course chicken impersonators don't make much money so fortune teller was the logical next best thing.

"If you wish to do whats right,
To be able to see the light.
Listen to the chatter of a tree.
So you can pick one of three.
Then you'll choose whats correct
And more money I will collect."

{indent}Dismayed Darin left Madame Treadeu feeling very depressed. He had never understood poetry so the fortune tellers words went right over his head. So Darin decided to go to the one person he knew could give him comfort and clarity; meaning of course, the regions best drive-up pastor.

{indent}Of course this brought forth another dilemma for Darin, he couldn't drive. Of course this never occurred to him so it really wasn't as big of a problem as one might think. Instead Darin just strode right up to the drive through window. After just a little wait an announcement was heard over the little speaker box by the window. It informed Darin that the pastor would be out to take his order in a minute. Soon enough a plump little man with a shining head came up to the window and pulled back the sliding hatch.

{indent}"Son, how may I help you?"

{indent}Yet again Darin proceeded to tell of his situation. At first the pastor looked puzzled by the situation at hand but he soon appeared to have gained some sort of enlightenment.

{indent}"First my son I must know who you side with, Luke Skywalker or Darth Vader?"

{indent}"What, I don't understand."

{indent}"The light or dark side?"

{indent}"Oh, I get it now. That is really deep man. Am I like the light side following God's way or am I the dark side that enjoys sin."

{indent}"Sure, sounds good. But which one?"

{indent}"Darth Vader I guess. The Imperial March is awesome."

{indent}"Fine then. Second question, What exactly is your pet rocks symptoms?"

{indent}"Well I haven't heard his breathing. It must be really shallow."

{indent}"I see then. The two problems you must solve are the curtain and saving the pet rock. Only disaster will occur if you don't. The curtain will keep out the light and keep you in the dark side. Now give the rock a helmet like Darth Vader. That will solve it's respiratory problems. But I warn you, the rock will become a heavy breather."

{indent}"Cool, thanks"

{indent}"Now go my son and may the force be with you."

{indent}"And also with you."

{indent}After walking back to his house Darin realized he had another problem on his hands. Where was he going to get a helmet small enough for his pet rock? Thinking fast Darin thought of one last person who could hep him, his friend Josh. So Darin picked up the phone and called Josh. Almost immediately Josh picked up his phone.

{indent}"Josh, where can I get a helmet small enough for my pet rock?"

{indent}"Whoa, slow down man. You've go to try this. I just had the best boiled egg of my life. Now its just totally like, yeah."

{indent}"Thats great, but I need help now."

{indent}"Suddenly I know all the words to Bohemian Rhapsody. You know what would go great with boiled eggs, frog legs."

{indent}"Fine but back to me.."

{indent}"Darin, all I'll tell you is D.T."

{indent}Now this may seem like a very unhelpful thing to say to Darin. That just means you mind isn't trained to handle this kind of thing. It simply means, well that is... Alright I don't know either. But strangely enough at the exact same time Josh said D.T. the oak tree was given a ticket for not having the proper permit for growing. This proves the maple right. It was a fine day.

{indent}Now back to Darin. He had come up with a list of possible meaning for D.T. It was his initials and actually that was about as far as he had gotten. Suddenly and without warning strange noises came from the ceiling. With a flapping of wings and a quack a duck came flying out of the heating duct and fell on to a tape recorder. Then it merely waddled out of the room as though nothing was out of the ordinary.

{indent}Wait, maybe Darin was getting it. Duck, duct, tape. Duck brand duct tape! That was the answer. all his problems were solved. Darin would tape back up his curtains. Then he made a dozen duct tape roses for his girlfriend. You know the thing is he wasn't even that sad about the pet rock. After all if it can't be fixed with duct tape it is just not worth fixing at all
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