Thursday, June 15, 2006

Thinking
It's strange, last night one of my birds Sapphire who is 1 and about almost half years old was not in good condition... Let me talk to you about him:
He's a budggie (parakeet), with a baby blue stomach and white head, wings and tail. He has one mental problem though..., He's parnaoid and agoraphobic and I always thought there was also something more to his mentla condition. I loved him very much anyways. But as I was saying earlier, last night he seemed very ill... Somehow I knew he would probably die, and instead of crying and whinning on the injustice, I "prayed". No, I'm christian, I'm not a muslim, I'm not a buddist I'm not...(etc etc). I do somehow have a feeling that there is an energy or a force beond us that watch over us. SO for the first time in my life, I knelt down on my knees and asked for something. If you know me you would know this is something I NEVER do. Even when I want something really badly never get on my knees or submit to the person. But there I was asking whoever is out there, to either help him heal or to send a guardian for Sapphire's soul if They chose to take him away. In the morning he was gone. For some reason, I was at ease. I didn't cry, I didn,t yell or anything. May your mind be at ease where you are Sapphire...
After this I lied down on my bed, ready to go to school (but I was way ahead of time for once) and started pondering different things. Unfortunately, for some unkown reason I fell asleep (and woke up 2 minutes before the start of my exam session but that's an other story:P) While I was asleep I was thinking (somehow) it was a very strange feeling, but at least I pondered life and death for a while. I think that death is actually benefic, I mean without death there is no life, without life there is no death. I also refuse to belive that after life theres a total shut down, bang finish, the end. And then an other important question came in my mind. I think we all come to this world with a purpose. Even if you don't know that purpose right away, you always have one. I think I found my purpose but I feel that my lesson is finally learned I should maybe die. But then again, I might be wrong and I must lift my head towards the future, gazing ahead for the tough and soft times to come. I'm not sure that I'm ready, but I'll do my best...
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