Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Because Korey did it... this was a couple months ago, but now you see - moi! And my lovable Jarebear.


Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

So I hast been sick. Blech. But I am getting better. I threw up twice in a six hour period and now am back to eating - not much, but I can still stomach a little food without feeling nuseated. The only down side now is that I am exhausted, so when I go back upstairs I will probably collapse and go to sleep. Merg.

Early Merry Christmas, my loves!

Kytten
Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, December 14, 2007

To elaborate on what happened... I'll jsut give you what I typed up per request of the newspaper. Maybe it'll make you feel better, maybe it won't.

They drilled us over and over again. Up until now, I don’t think any of the students – or even the teachers – really took it seriously. “This is a Code Red situation” came over the intercom Wednesday morning around nine AM, and none of us knew what was going on. The warning was issued during the transition between first block and advisement. Most students were still in the hallways. Teachers, confused and slightly panicked, pulled students into the rooms, completely unaware of what was going on. It took nearly half an hour before the first email was sent to teachers telling them what was happening. Most of the student body didn’t realize that it was real, not just a drill, until that first email reached the teachers. After that, my fear evaporated. Well, not completely. I was still reasonably frightened, but my brain continued to function, and my friend and I began looking around the room for items that could be used as weapons. We moved a shelf in front of the window. The room seemed nearly impenetrable, especially for me. At one point, we heard voices coming down the hallway. Everyone in the classroom became silent, my friend moved next to the door with the heaviest, longest object he could find: an umbrella. I sat against the opposite wall hidden between boxes and a shelf, preparing to pop a pair of scissors into blades at the last second. As the voices faded, I remember he walked over to me and said, “You may be the most lethal person in this room.” I felt insanely better. The duration of the period – roughly three hours – consisted of us trading places innumerable times, emails about missing and extra students flying back and forth, and the unmistakable whir of helicopter blades overhead. For the situation, the officials handled it very well. I was told later that there was a sniper on the roof, and I know for a fact that there was at least one policeman outside my classroom’s windows with a large gun for the majority of the waiting period. Even after they were sure they’d caught those responsible for the uproar, we remained on code yellow until fourth block, in which the teachers were required to keep their doors locked if nothing else. The school buzzed with relative excitement as the entire school did what teenagers are apt to do: we speculated. Rumors spread like wildfire, debating on what had really happened. The only facts that any of us could get right were that it was two white males, and that guns were involved. No one really seemed scared. We all knew that we were as protected as we were going to get. We all laughed – and laugh still – when we think of how it was only two students who had decided to go hunting in the wrong place at the wrong time. Still, I know I won’t look at a Code Red drill the same ever, ever again.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

http://www.11alive.com/news/article_news.aspx?storyid=107894

'Nuff said.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

To address my absence: school. No, really.

xD I always blame that, but it's true. EOCT's are on their way and I'm terrified. Not to mention the fact that I have been asked to write a regular column for the town newspaper. o_o Oh. My. God. *gasp*

To address previous comments:
Jacob: *blushes* Aww, thanks, love. *hugs* You're so sweet to me.
Korey: o_o Wow. Thanks, Kors. *glomps* You're FABULOUS, too! Teehee. No, I guess you could say I had... a soul-searching venture, but now I can sit here and look at the stuff that hurts me like what it is. Just stuff. Yeah, it hurts every now and then, but it's more the memory of hurt than the thing actually hurting me anymore.

So today is my mom's birthday. Happy Birthday! Haha, even though she can't see it. I'm so happy.

My mom was kind of upset, because we kinda all forgot even though we got her stuff... she told me "I always ask your dad for the same thing and he always forgets...a cake, a clean house, that's it."

I felt so horrible...Mom got in the tub to soak, so I recruited Lee (who didn't protest and knew what I was gonna ask before I did) and we cleaned the kitchen and the livingroom, wrapped presents, and make cake. All before she got out. The cake wasn't done, but she knew we were making some. She was so happy. What was best was the fact that even though I didn't get her anything, really - she picked out her book - she was so happy because I'd arranged it all on a moments notice. I almost cried I was so happy. Having her be proud of me when I did that work, knowing I deserved it. I'm one of those ppl who's heart literally sings when praised for a job well done.

What was awesome was we had made the big cake, but poured some batter into a small cake pan, a mini one, and she didn't know about that. So it got done right after they went downstairs to the office, and Lee and I put a candle in it and surprised her with it. She had this look of please shock on her face.

Brownie points for me. She told me "Come here, you" and hugged me really tightly, and whispered in my ear "Yours was the best present." I literally cried.

<3
Kytten
Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

@ Jacob: I know, and thank you. I know i should have ended it but I was so head over heels for him that I couldn't see how I'd be better off. Ye gods, STILL thinking about it? Hmm...

Oh, by the by, ever heard of Ironic Dragon? Just curious. Because this is driving me insane. o_o

@ Korey: Thank you, too.

Gods, you two have no idea how much this means to me. No, I started thinking about when Steven found out I was going out with Jared. He goes "Already?! I fucking knew it! You SLUT!" And punched the wall. This was about a month ago... or two. I don't remember. About two, yeah. Huh.

I'm glad I can admit it, too. It's better to let it out then keep it locked inside. However, the whole "slut" thing is still giving me problems. Every now and then, when I kiss jared or something, I hear it in my head. Now, this is a strong reaction I've had before. I had it while I was with Steven, but I get terrified and start hearing someone in my head telling me that, pretty much, physical pleasure is all I'll ever be good for. I don't know why, but sometimes I react like that, curling up in a ball and crying, terrified of anything more passionate or intimate than a kiss. Steven thought - and Jared does, too - that maybe something happened to me when I was really little. But I can't remember anything before kindergarten. And then these instances where I don't remember anything at all where I should from when I was younger.

Geez, I didn't want to dump this on you guys... but it makes me feel so much better to tell someone about it - then I don't have to deal on my own and I can admit that it's over and past and that it doesn't matter anymore. Thank you so much for listening.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Gods, I don't want to mess this up. I always though Steven was the best thing that happened to me... he made me so happy sometimes, it was insane. Jared... he has all the ups and none of the downs. Most importantly there is no temper to explode on me if I even say something wrong.

There's a lot I've been meaning to tell you guys about the relationship with Steven but I wasn't actually able to until now. I didn't have the courage, and it hurt me everytime I thought about it. I loved Steven with all my heart, so much it hurt me. But we were constantly fighting, yelling at each other for no reason at all...and when we weren't, it was a totally physical relationship. I think we lost the ability to talk to each other, really TALK, at six months, a year. Something like that.

One incident stands out strongly in my mind that will probably make you guys mad - especially since I didn't tell you already - but it was a long time ago. Steven had said something that made me mad and I told him I was. I warned him and said that I needed to cool down. He gave me this look, like "so what" and started laughing at me. NEVER laugh at a girl when she's PO'ed - she will take it out on you. I started shaking, telling him to stop laughing, which only made him laugh more. It was like he was doing it to wound my pride - which I have considerably too much of. I warned him one more time and he put his hands up going "what're you gonna do about it?" and laughed some more. So my temper broke and I slapped him.

Now, this did not show very good judgement on my part, but what he did after kind of swamped it. His face contorted with fury, and his hands came up to the sides of my head. He didn't just grab me, his hands SLAMMED into my head, and then he threw me against the floor. My head bounced a couple times and I remember passing out for like, two seconds. I was in so much shock that I just lay there shaking staring wideeyed at him, terror completely consuming me.

I know, I'm using fancy words, but this is no story.

He was looking at me in shock, staring at his hands, and then started saying "Baby I'm sorry" over and over. I wouldn't let him near me. I couldn't hug him for a week, much less let his hands near my head. Now, I've always been the kind of person where I will only let you touch my hair or head if I really freaking trust you - like, with my life. You know, like a dog does with the pads of their feet. It's a weak spot, and i know that ifsomeone catches my head with ill intentions I'm dead meat.

Even now, Jared will startpetting my head and my entire body will start shaking like crazy, and those few seconds it took for me to fall flash through my head again, the look on his face and the terror. It's been happening a lot lately.

But the thing is... Jared has never given me a reason to be afraid of him. He gets angry when people hurt me - emotionally or otherwise - but he usually restrains himself. He doesn't yell or anything. Gods, he makes me so happy it's like I'm on Cloud Nine. I mean, skip cloud seven. >.<

I don't know how to describe what he does to me. I get butterflies just by looking at him, his voice, the way he hugs me - the rest of the world ceases to exist. Maybe he's the one. Maybe I've finally got it right.

And know what's the coolest about it? Steven doesn't bother me anymore. Neither does John. Those stupid memories that come back to haunt me - they don't hurt anymore to look at. they're just facts, THINGS that happened. I'm so over it.

<3 Always
Skye
Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, November 2, 2007

S: He Said, She Said
A: Ashley Tisdale

I'd give you a rundown of what has happened since we all last talked, but that would take too long and I have to leave in a little bit. I will highlight the important parts, though.

I went to Jacksonville for a week, and was hit on by a 24 year old web page designer at my uncles LARP - which is, yes Jacob, a live action role play. It was Vampires: The Masquerade.

My mom, at six months pregnant, lost the baby. She went into induced labor yesterday and finished sometime around three this morning, and is doing fine - although my dad can't sleep at the hospital so is STILL up at five thirty.

I am currently dating two people at once, although its more like a triangle, since they are good friends and have me in common. :) I feel so loved. Yay! Katharine and Jared, I <3 you! Now the only question is to figure out how to tell my mom - I have no idea what kind of reaction I'm going to get. I'll let her get home first.

Tonight I'm going to work at Gaither Plantation - which is haunted - and that's from five till nine. Tomorrow I do the same, only it's from noon till seven and then at eight we start teh investigation. That runs till four Sunday morning, at which point I will crash and refuse to go anywhere. WHich makes me glad for Daylight Savings time b/c I will get an extra hour in there somewhere. Maybe I'll go back to Jared's and crash. I haven't figured it out yet.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, October 19, 2007

S: Beast and the Harlot
A: Avenged Sevenfold

I'm sorry for the way I've been lately; things in my past have just caught up with me and I'm finally letting down walls I wasn't even sure I had. Regardless of what my heart thinks it should protect, when Jared's around, those walls come down and I don't feel like I need to protect myself anymore. Then I see Steven coming down the hallway and they slam back up. It's really confusing, and it hurts a lot. I'm going to his house tonight (Jared's, not Steven's) so hopefully I can get some stuff off my chest, and I'll feel better.

On a slightly lighter note, we have a week off for Intersession this week, and I am going to Florida with my mom and brother while we still can. My aunt had her baby Thursday, who is 7 lbs. something (good for a premature), and is named Tad Malcolm, TicTad for short. ^_^ We'll be there from Saturday to next Thursday. This Saturday night I get to LARP for the first time in a Vampire: The Masquerade LARP! It makes me so happy.

The only bad thing is not talking to Jared for a week. So smurf.

I am tired now. I go, get school over with, ect. Love you all, you know that.

Zhai'helleva.
Comments (2) | Permalink

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Just to show how horrible I feel. This has been my mood the past week.

If you love them, let them know
If they hate you, let them go
Trapped inside, no one to hold
Longing to escape the cold

I hate this.
I hate the way I feel inside
everyday, it never changes.
I feel abandoned and pushed to the edge.
Like I'm the only one who isn't really IN
and at the same time not really OUT
But like I'll never be somebodies "special someone"
and at the same time I'm you're "best friend"
because I listen to your problems and
you never seem to wonder if maybe,
just maybe,
I'm longing for something more.
Maybe I'm just not good enough.
Maybe you just don't like me.
Or maybe I just don't exist to you.
I'm just some figment of your imagination that you created to console yourself when you hurt.
I guess I'm just not real.
So it shouldn't hurt, right?
But it does
more than you could understand.
And I'm sorry I love at all.
Comments (2) | Permalink