Thursday, September 13, 2007

I feel sad and at the same time, relieved. I didn't want to admit it to myself, and now that I have I feel horribly, but ... I'm happier this way. Honest to God, I'm happier. I know it hurts him, but what good am I to anyone, much less him, if I have no sanity?

I'm flirting with guys, hanging out with my friends more, and for the first time in my highschool career, I'm not dividing my attention: Steven 90%, school/family/life in general 10%. I have me time. I have chances to sit down, write, and do nothing. And I'm so happy.

And the best part? None of our friends are mad at me. In fact, most of them feel sorry for ME, as if he was the one who dumped me, not vice versa.

And I am SO HAPPY.

*falls over, snoozing.*
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Saturday, September 8, 2007

Wow, life sucks.
Today started out pretty good. I got up, and helped my brother pack. Then my mom and I took him out to his "drop off" point to go caving with our church. After, Mom and I went shopping and didn't get home till three. So my legs hurt like fury.

I've been online all afternoon and actually haven't had to do much. I finally felt good, and I realise it may be because I'm not dating Steven.

Speaking of him, he calls and we fight some more and then he tells me all this shit about how he should cut his throat and bleed on me. He starts ranting along that line and I hang up.

What in all the gods names did I ever think would make me capable of talking sense into him? Why did I imagine we could get along? This is driving me insane.

My mom told me about this email she got. Goes along these lines:

"There are three kinds of people. Those in your life for a reason: they have something to teach you, and when they have, they're on their way. Those in your life for a season: they might teach you something, but usually they're just there. And those in your life for a lifetime: self explanitory."

I'm beginning to think he's the first one.

*sighs*
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Friday, September 7, 2007

*takes a deep breath*
This may sound weird, or bad, or whatever, but here goes:

I am officially single.

Yes. Steven and I are not going out right now, and if he keeps trying to force me into a commited relationship when I'm not ready for one, he's going to drive me crazy. I could rant about it, but then I'd have to think about all of it. Long story short, I don't want to feel like a bad person all the time, and if he can't live without me, then he's not really living with me, and dragging me down at the same time. If he can take care of himself and quit trying to make me do things he wants me to by guilting me, I will probably go back. But not yet. And if he finds someone else, that he's happier with, good for him. I love him, I do, and want him to be happy, but the way we were, neither one of us was happy.

So yes, short/long rant over.

Arg, I'm so tired. I wanna take a nap, but we're gaming tonight and so I have to be ready for when everyone is here. *sighs* So I am vegging. Bwah.

<3 Arispa

P.S. That is the name I am going by right now. I know, strange. I used to go by Skye, but I love this new name. I'm related to someone with that name. I'm writing it on all my school papers now. :P
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Wednesday, September 5, 2007

My life is pretty much falling apart right now. I'm sorry for neglecting this site and all my other online duties. The real world beckons again, and this may be my only solace. I'm sorry, my loves.

Steph
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Monday, August 27, 2007

Whoo.
So it's almost six. In the morning. I'm a nutcase. No, wait, that's the school system. Bah. *falls over*

So my current obsession is "I Can Haz Cheezburger?" It's teh cuteness. My favorite picture right now is this kitten with the hugest blue eyes and a pirate hat and hook, and it says "Y u no take me srsly? I said WALK PLANK!"

...

Yesh. Teh Ultimate Cuteness.

Heh. Even my brother's thumb drive matches my outfit today. It's awesome.

Gods, I am going to be asleep by fourth block today... hehe. ^_^;

Commentary

Mouse: If I actually get a good nights sleep I tend to dream like I'm watching a movie. Unfortunately, I didn't actually sleep till three this morning. Then I woke back up at four. So no dreams. It sucked. And thanks. I'm teh shmex.
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Sunday, August 26, 2007

I Heart Procrastination
One word: Gaia. It's the most addicting thing in the world other than OB, which I still haven't managed to kick my habit for. (Although Micah would argue that WoW is way more addictive and I might agree.)

Anyway, this applys only because I have three major projects due this week, two on Tuesday, and I haven't finished even ONE of them. Because of Gaia. Although it might be because I keep going to sleep because of this stupid cold. Grr.

So I'm a big dreamer, right? No, not "I want to be a superstar" kind of dreams - sleep dreams. Last night I had this long, drawn out dream where, although the world was being taken over by aliens and certain ones of us were being taken away, the rest of us being mutated in some way (I got wings), all I could think about was "Find Chris." Now, who's Chris you ask? My closest friend in the whole world. Lately, we haven't been talking. Like, at all. Of course, it isn't his or my fault because we have NO classes together and never see each other. Still, if I'm dreaming about it, I must need to talk to him.

So, finally, it gets dark on the first day after the invasion, and some wierd thing has just happened between me and some old guy and sunflowers - yes, sunflower Battle o.0 - and I fall to the ground, crushing one wing and just lying looking up at the stars. I hear someone say my name and I turn my head. Chris was standing right next to me. He picks me up, telling me who all got taken by the aliens, including my boyfriend and other best friend Nikki, and I kept crying "Then why didn't they take me?" The last part of the dream I remember is Chris cradling me, my wings dragging limp on the ground, and him telling me I'll see Steven again.

Weird.

Commentary
Mouse: Llama! You take care of YOURSELF, Mr. Paintball.
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Saturday, August 25, 2007

   Did you ever see a llama kiss a llama on the llama...
...llama llama's taste like llama's llama llama duck.

Heck friggin' yes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbPDKHXWlLQ&mode=related&search=#

I effing love this song.

Sorry for never replying to anything. Like, ever. I'm practically dead due to school but I'm beginning to balance it all out again. No sleep till break. Heh.

Steven and I have had some rough spots and we're debating taking a break for about a month to see if we can work some things through and maybe develope a friendly relationship with each other so we can tell each other things without... well, wigging out.

MY MOMMY GOT HER ULTRASOUND!!! OMFG!! We don't know if it's a boy or girl yet, we should be able to tell in 5-6 weeks. I'm gonna be a big sis all over again and my little brother will finally not be the youngest. ^_^ It's great.

I am very frustrated at the moment with my friends Aamoni and Preston. Some really stupid shit is going on and I feel like all I am is playing messenger between them. I don't really feel like I belong in that friendship with them. I mean, they meana lot to me, but... do I to them? I don't know. It sucks.

Anyway, I should run. TTYL, peeps.

<3 The Squiggly One

Oh, and I'm sexy.
My awesome new hair
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007

So I stayed awake. It is now only one in the afternoon. Wow, surprising how long the day is when you get up before noon. x_X

I've washed dishes, done laundry, vacuumed, cleaned my room, and now I'm about to go finish my summer assignment for junior year. I'm more than a tad frazzled, but if I get on my mom's good side, maybe she'll use some of her money.

I also have an announcement, and I keep forgetting to tell people: My mom is pregnant. Two months, at least. >.< I'm 16, with a 13 year old brother, and I'm going to have another one?! It feels really weird to me. They're going to be an uncle/aunt before they're ten!! It's still cool, though, and I'm excited. Except for the whole crying at night thing. Cause I have two more years of highschool left - although by the time it's born it'll be one and a little bit. I'm gonna need all the sleep I can get.

So I went to my boyfriends house yesterday and we got into a couple fights. There was no yelling, mostly just rediculous hysterical crying - yes he cries, got a problem with that? - and then we just collapsed. He stopped crying and made a joke and that set ME off so I started crying. I was laughing at the same time just hugging him and kissing his face. We broke down laughing on the floor and just stayed there and watched TV. It made me realise something. We try so hard not to hurt each other's feelings that we end up bottling so much up and hurting each other worse than if we'd just spoken our minds to begin with.

Commentary

Brittany: Hehe, feel lucky. During the school year, students have to be in first block by 7:20 am. My bus gets here at 6:30. So I get up around five.
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Meh, so today I gottsded up at seven even though I got home at midnight. Yes. And this time I successfully stayed awake, despite my desperate attempts to do otherwise. >.< Then I spilled coffee on my keyboard. It sucks.

(Will Update more later)

Commentary
Korey: >.< Except I'm not sure she's letting me spend her money - I made the mistake of mentioning that I have money so she may not let me. Oh well, I'll go to Fish or Goodwill or something and get more than I would at Wally World...
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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Song: Potential Break Up Song
Artist: Aly & Aj

We got a sun shower today. It’s my favorite kind of rain, because everything stays green and gorgeous, and then afterward there’s a rainbow!

I miss my boyfriend. I haven’t seen him since… Saturday, I believe, and today his friend came over so I don’t know if I’ll be able to go over there. I guess I’ll be okay, though. This week I’m supposed to finish cleaning my room, and have a mother-daughter shopping date, which I’m actually looking forward to. ^_^

I finally finished the book I was reading: American Gods by Neil Gaiman. I love his works! He’s such a fantastic author, so in touch with human emotion. It’s pretty cool.

Commentary

J-chan: I slept pretty well, except that I forgot to put my book down until I finished it and as a result didn’t sleep till 2 am. >.<
Korey: I <3 you too! Meh, I know. I don’t have insomnia, I just was stressed out. School’s back in two weeks.

Zhai’helleva.
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