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myOtaku.com: SailorBadGirl


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

@ Jacob: I know, and thank you. I know i should have ended it but I was so head over heels for him that I couldn't see how I'd be better off. Ye gods, STILL thinking about it? Hmm...

Oh, by the by, ever heard of Ironic Dragon? Just curious. Because this is driving me insane. o_o

@ Korey: Thank you, too.

Gods, you two have no idea how much this means to me. No, I started thinking about when Steven found out I was going out with Jared. He goes "Already?! I fucking knew it! You SLUT!" And punched the wall. This was about a month ago... or two. I don't remember. About two, yeah. Huh.

I'm glad I can admit it, too. It's better to let it out then keep it locked inside. However, the whole "slut" thing is still giving me problems. Every now and then, when I kiss jared or something, I hear it in my head. Now, this is a strong reaction I've had before. I had it while I was with Steven, but I get terrified and start hearing someone in my head telling me that, pretty much, physical pleasure is all I'll ever be good for. I don't know why, but sometimes I react like that, curling up in a ball and crying, terrified of anything more passionate or intimate than a kiss. Steven thought - and Jared does, too - that maybe something happened to me when I was really little. But I can't remember anything before kindergarten. And then these instances where I don't remember anything at all where I should from when I was younger.

Geez, I didn't want to dump this on you guys... but it makes me feel so much better to tell someone about it - then I don't have to deal on my own and I can admit that it's over and past and that it doesn't matter anymore. Thank you so much for listening.
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