Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Silence in Sequence - Breathing In

Comments (1)
« Home

In this corrupted world, people really are designed to let you down. I guess that although I know this, I just can't accept it. I'm going to be one of the most foolish, hopeless people to ever walk the planet. When I say that I've been hurt, I've been scared, and I've been alone, I'm not asking for pity. I'm telling you the truth. Instead of treading the path of obscurity and solitude, I'm trying to be forgiving and embracing. What is it that I refuse to do things the way I know to be...safest? I'm really lost...and I don't really know what to do about it. I've been lost in thought all day, replaying the past in my mind, over and over again. Someone, please tell me why I refuse to let go of my past! I can't let it bother me...I won't... *Sigh* I don't understand. I'm really conflicted in love and trust. I'm dealing, and it's not as bad as it used to be. I have realized one thing, however; as of late, I'm really, really stressing out. Not just for my own well-being, but for others as well. The security and stability of my future. Whether or not I'll live long enough to have a future at all. My best friend is in night school, afraid he won't be able to walk at graduation. Home isn't exactly what I want it to be lately. Rifts and revelations in friendships. Questioning so many things in my life. Afraid of letting the people that I love down. And my random "love conflicts" at school. I do know that I love my girlfriend, no matter what our issues are. We'll endure anything, and we'll do it together. And I know that I love my best friends T.S., Terrance, Michael, all of them. I'll be here to support them as well, and they'll support me. *Sigh* I'm holding my fucking breath right now, and that's fine. I guess I've always felt that the greater the tension is, the greater the relief will be - if the tension doesn't kill you. And death has been a very prominent thought in my moments of introspection. No clue why. Maybe I'm just wondering how things would operate without me around. Would people have less secrets to keep? Easier to do the things behind my back that would be more difficult, were I still alive? Or just how much better off people here would be without me around. In any case, don't worry about me and my issues. I'm not gonna go off and kill myself or anything, so don't freak. I'll just stay here and stay lost in thoughts until something better comes out of it. And don't bother worrying about me. It's pointless. Laters.