Friday, December 24, 2004

Shrug.
Well, my friend, Brenda enspired me to write some poetry. So I tried, but they aren't very good.


Since I Met You
What am I? I feel so many changes in me
Since I met you, the pain from my past has seemed to disappear.
But I can't help but wonder, what I would be without you.
What would my life be like.
For better or Worse?
Before I felt so lost, so torn, so broken.
Then you came along.
Now I feel so happy, but why?
Why is it that my suddenly heart yearns to live.
When before it was so ready to die.
Since I met you, my outlook on everything has changed.
Everything seems more colorful
The shades of grey have disappeared.
But then I changed you.
And now it seems to me,
You are the sad one.
You see only the grey.
My heart aches so much.
And everynight I cry thinking of everything I've done
Who will be the strong.
Who will change.
Will our ending be happy,
Or will we fade.

Reality
Everything seems like a dream.
I no longer feel the pain.
The feeling used to seem so much more strong
And I wonder if I'm asleep.
If all these emotions and thoughts are just in my imagination
And these people, all these colors.
I hate this dream,
I don't wish for this reality
Everything feels so fake.
So untrue.
And I'm begging to be awakened.
These sleepy tears in my eyes are burning at my flesh.
Oh pinch me, bleed me, what ever you must do.
Just take me out of this dreamland.
I want to feel again
Because everything that seems like pain,
Everything that seems like happiness
Doesn't seem to be at all.
And I wonder,
Does reality truely exsist


Tell me what you think...Later Days.
~Nessa
PS. Yesterday was my first day of work, I'll tell you more about it later. Less than three.
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Tuesday, December 21, 2004

A Day in the Life
Well, the past few days have been rather bad. On Saturday, I got grounded for going to the mall without a chaperone. It's not my fault her mother didn't come. Honestly, I don't see why she should. I mean, I know for a fact that my father would never come to the mall with me and a group of my friends. It seems a little hypocritical to me.
But yeah, no phone for me now. Luckily, I can still get on the computer. ^,^
Anywho, Sunday was pretty..uhmm...well,Sunday made me really mad and now I have an extreme hate for my parents because of that day.
Yesterday went pretty well. I mean nothing really happened. It was like a usual day in my life. I need to get out more.
Well, thats everything to my knowledge. Later Days.
~Nessa

A Day in the Life by the Beatles
I read the news today oh, boy
About a lucky man who made the grade
And though the news was rather sad
Well I just had to laugh and
I saw the photograph

He blew his mind out in a car
He didn’t notice that the lights had changed
A crowd of people stood and stared
They’d seen his face before,
Nobody was really sure if he was from the house of lords.

I saw a film today oh, boy
The english army had just won the war
A crowd of people turned away
But I just had a look
Having read the book,
I’d love to turn you on...

Woke up, fell out of bed,
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup,
And looking up I noticed I was late.

Found my coat and grabbed my hat
Made the bus in seconds flat
Found my way upstairs and had a smoke,
Somebody spoke and I went into a dream

Ah

I read the news today oh boy
Four thousand holes in blackburn, lancashire
And though the holes were rather small
They had to count them all,
Now they know how many holes it takes to fill the albert hall.
I’d love to turn you on...
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Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Very High
Antisocial:	Moderate
Borderline:	Very High
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

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Saturday, December 18, 2004

Winter Break.
Well. I got through my finals pretty easily. They were pretty easy. I prolly failed them all, knowing me. >,<
Well, a few days back, Robert asked me out. And the fact that I 've wanted to go out with him since last year. I said yes. I really like him, but I still have that little problem with the fact I'm so afraid to touch someone. Kinda like I feel like they don't want me to. Pray for me and my damned nervousness. I'll get over it soon. But gosh darnit, I hate Winter Break. I hate Christmas.
_,_
It's all just a waste of money. I never use anything I get, it always ends up in the garbage. It's just a simple waste. And all the food. Ughh...makes me sick. Oh well its not my place.
Another thing I dislike about Winter Break is the fact there is no school. I like going to school, I hate being at home. Well, actually, I don't like school. Its just better than home. Well, gotta go clean.
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Thursday, December 16, 2004

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough by Don Henley and Patty Smyth
I don’t wanna lose you,
I don’t wanna use you
Just to have somebody by my side
And I don’t wanna hate you
I don’t wanna take you
But I don’t wanna be the one to cry
That don’t really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough

Now I could never change you
I don’t wanna blame you
Baby you don’t have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just wanna have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something’s gonna change

But there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough

And there’s no way home
When it’s late at night and you’re all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bed
There beside you where I used to lay

And there’s a danger in loving somebody too much
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart they can’t touch.
There’s a reason why people don’t stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain’t enough.
Baby sometimes love just ain’t enough.
This is one of my favorite songs by Don Henley. Don Henley is a really good songwriter, one of my favorite. I hope you enjoy it. Oh yes, and check my earlier post, if you haven't already.
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Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Today was a day..like any other.
Well, today I followed my usual routine, wait forever for my brother to get out of the shower (8 people and 1 shower doesn't work out too well), missed the bus. Went to band. Band was pretty cool. Me and Brenda talked on the stairs, then some asshole called Justin, came along and started staring at Brenda. And I could feel his eyes looking at her so I wanted to move. So we went to the top but it was too high. It made me nervous and we went to go sit in a corner. Then Don, got out his guitar and Brenda asked to borrow it. And played with it a little. And told me to play. I did, but I was nervous so I made alotta mistakes. I felt bad, because it seemed like Don wanted to play for us. I really wanted to listen to him play as well. I love his voice. Anywho, Brenda gave me a gift for Christmas. It was a journal, it's really pretty I like it but I hate to write on the paper. It's just so pretty. As soon as I get paid, Imma get her a Trenchcoat. Maybe. I'm still deciding. Because that in itself will be 1/3 of my paycheck. Oh yeah, speaking of which. I got a job at a kennel, to play with cats and dogs. $7 an hour, pretty good. Especially since I'm just playing, and I'm only 14. Supposedly too young to get a job. Hee hee. Oh yes, then after band I went to IPC. Ooo..I hate that class. The room has a bad feeling in it that makes me all sad inside. I wonder if Tamera and Robert are still going out. I really like Robert and I wanna ask him out. But...you know.
Anywho, after that I missed the bus again. So we all had to wait for about half an hour for the bus to come back. And that bitch just came back to tell us someone had our stuff and that she wasn't gonna take us home. I was like this is your fucking job. Your supposed to take me home if you don't what good are you. Man...I really want her to get fired. Oh well...right now, I'm just trying to get some homework done. >.< Darn homework. Finals are a bitch.
Oh well...Later Days.
Much luff,`Nessa
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Thursday, December 2, 2004

I'm not paranoid.

What Anime Emoticon Are You?
Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.
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Remember..
when I said I'd scan some stuff when I got my scanner working well...here it is.

^A picture of a fairy I did when I got bored.

^ My Journal, I made this one readable for my friends, as soon as I can. I'll get one that I didn't make readable, my normal handwriting. >.<
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Less than Three
Well, I suppose I should fill you in on the past few days. Hmm...well yesterday there was a bomb threat at my school. It was fun. Everyone was evacuated from the building and we all went outside for a sort while and everyone was fighting over getting in my friends car and being warm. I got in eventually, and we listened to music. Then, we all had to get on buses and go to the middle school. Such wonderful memories. But yeah..there me and my friends had book definition orgys and ran around in circles and threw around a ball. It was fun. Especially since we were in our socks. Yep..when we were running around I fell and spinned around on my butt. It was funny. I had fun. I <3 fire drills and bomb threats even though they should be taken seriously, but we have one like every year, so yeah. We're pretty used to it and fact fact that no one will ever make our school go BOOM!
Okay, then today, yeah a boring day it was. Quiz in World Geography, Boring Graphic Arts, Boring Spanish. Math was okay, alls we did was book work so naturally I went and talked to Rachel, Robert, and April. Boring IPC. Oooo...in English class I hafta learn how to play a game from the Elizabethan Era. It's called Primera. I think it'll be fun. I <3 card games. Then, after we had play practice. Ooo..I love play practice its so funny. We're doing the Nightmare Before Christmas. In the Oogie Boogie and Jack duel scene they wear thinking of having Jack punch Oogie in the crotch, and have Oogie say his line.."My BUGS! MY BUGS!" It was funny. Then after we all got to go outside and stand in the cold. Chris, my brother, Daniel, April, and me. I love spending time with my perverted friends. I wish Rachel and Trish could've stayed alittle longer though. It was fun today. Chris trying to tickle me, or grope me. He says he'll stop when I stop flinching. Like that'll ever happen. As a paranoid person, I flinch alot. Chris trying to rape my brother. Chris and Daniel spinning around. Daniel talking like a gay person. Hee hee...that was funny. He talks gay well. Daniel almost breaking. My brother running around. April and Angel talking about poo..Whether it is cold or warm...what a wonderous subject. Then, my parents came and I went home. In which, I ate something, Ooo..ramen and soda. I'm such a healthy person. >.<
Well...thats all I've to say.
Later Days.
~Mamimi
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Friday, November 26, 2004

You are the Goddess of Chaos. You love to have fun
and are slightly crazy. You love good music,
vibrant colors, and feel good movies. People
who are boring and like everyone else piss you
off, at first people are really freaked out by
you, but then they will start to like you. You
are really fun to hang out with, but when it's
time to be serious you really need to tone it
down a bit. You have crazy emotions and no one
knows what you will feel from one moment to the
next, especially when you're in love. All you
need in the way of a guy is one who can keep up
with you. Just keep having fun but remember to
tone it down when you need too, keep being
yourself.


What are you goddess of?
brought to you by Quizilla

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