Friday, September 17, 2004

I'M FXXKIN MAD!!!
Been a long time!!! I didn't feel like blogging. Why? Lotta reasons... Sad...

First of all, remember the English exam, the one with the funny listening? Well, she failed me. Yes, I didn't fail - she failed me. Actually she failed the whole class - again. And I don't know what the hell to do! I've studied a lot, I knew all the answers, I was pretty happy when I finished the exam! What should I do? Go beg ehr & kiss her ass!? I ain't like that! I'm not gonna do that, no fucking way. I'll go talk to her, and if it doesn't work then I'll do the Kaoru (Dieu) Kaoru: katana + neck = my happiness. I think she didn't have enough with the other "accident" she had... But well the positive thign is that dad didn't get mad, he seemed to understand...

And the second reason: my so called friends. What's this time? Well, basically the same thing: lies. But this time it hurts me more than ever. Because I liked him... I was starting to like him... and he lied. He's hiding something - which I know already. He just can't pretend to hide that. It's somethign you can't hide. C'mon. If you're realizing you're "turning" bisexual... as much as you want you can't hide it from the one you said to be your one of your best friends. And I don't give a damn if he's bisexual or not! Couldn't care less (I think all my friends are... am I the only oen left? ^^) Teh thing is that, Yuki, Fran and Isilme know it already, and he didn't tell me. Come on, he just met Yuki and Fran 3 months ago and he told them!! I ain't saying they're not worth it, 'course they are, I love them, but... it's just... As if I was stupid or something 'cause Isilme told me he said (he= Neko) told her he was gonna tell me "gradually"... WTF!!?? What am I!? I'm pretty... nah, I ain't mad... I'm just... down. Depressed. Extremely sad. I feel so "nothing"...

This is a kinda depressing entry... well, not so depressing, I was worse yesterday. And Isilme managed so that we meet today and talk... I told her I didn't give a damn if she told him that I liked him... I was feeling cruel. Ya, pretty cruel and evil. She told him and when I saw Isilme yesterday she said that Neko hadn't slept and eaten at all. Can't say I felt sorry... I think it was about time that I acted selfishly and thought about myself. I'm suffering, so much... a tiny bit of suffering won't kill him. Oh and you know what? We're - the three of us - memebrs of a funny forum, Gaia, and he PMed me sayign this and that (that he felt sorry blah blah) and at the end he said "I love you"... Do you really think Ican believe that? Not now, sorry...

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