Wednesday, March 8, 2006

Show Me What It Is Like
I've been feeling so empty lately. I don't even know where to begin. People always want me to understand or help them with their problems...Of course I love helping people with their problems. I have this bad habbit of always trying to make others happy, so I don't have to see them sad no more. I try and take away their pain and scars left on their souls, but create a deeper one beyond hell in mine. They say for me and say it to me: How is that you still want to help others when all you have ever been told was lies, and more. Why help thoughs who have knocked you down and watched you fall, even ones that watched you cry in the corner of darkness inside your self?
I don't know how I can. I'm falling, I'm falling deeper into this spiral of sadness. I had the boy I have had my heart set on for a long time tear it out and ate it infront of me, seemingly laughing at the pain I felt. He watched me fall, He watched me cry, he watched me scream for him. So why didnt you show me what it's like, to be the last one standing? Why did you lead me on like this? You know everything about me, and yet here you are watching me secretly with my knee's to my chest, my head in my lap as I sit in the water while that candle burns? How I sat alone in the dark and bled for you. Yet you still turn to come back, and say I am the one thats worth saving, since it was worth saving me, why did you let go? I can handle more pain then just this. But because I truely felt for him, he was my weakness as well my strength. He was my weakness to my heart, but strength to know what part of my soul he has shattered still manages to hang on. Thats why I stick around and help, even though I sometimes get hurt more then I should be. I've had more then just this probelm happen. Fights, self inflicted damages, and more. So let me take your pain, let me fill my self up with more sadness. I will be the one that will always stand by your side and help you walk along the path beneath the surface. I may confuse what is real, I may not be able to find my self again, walls will always be closing in, but it doesnt mean I can't unvail my black wings and fly away once again, until you make me fall from the heavens into the black sea. That is why I chose to walk this path. You want me to show you what it is like? I can't show someone, if I don't even see things clearly anymore. My world has turned black and white. The only color I see is red, for that it is anger, hatered, love, sadness, lust, and theses wounds that will not heal. "Fear Is How I Fall."
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