Wednesday, April 5, 2006

Disguested
For someone who likes to help others, they sure
in hell don't do a excellent job of it. Today
I have witnessed something so cruel and disgusting that made my respect for her drop way
down, to the point where I am totally disgusted
with her at this moment. Today in gym there was this girl in our class that was left out because not a lot of people like her that much. I felt guilty and sad because I once new what it was like to be left all alone in the world, to be excluded from everything, to be not accepted for who you are. Even today I am partially still like that, at least I am not alone anymore. I wanted her to join our creative dance group, but most of our members didnt exactly want her in it. So I crawled away from them to talk with that girl, and I understood why now she rejected our offer to come join us ((This is when we asked her and she said no)) She didn't want to join because she new that some of us didn't want her in the group and she didn't want anyone to be angry or anything towards that just because she needed to be in a group for this gym assignment. I perfectly understood what she ment. When I told my group what she said, there reactions were as if they didn't care. So I asked them, how would you like it if you were in her position right now? They all said: "We wouldn't know because we've never been left out or anything like her. We do feel sorry and stuff but it was her choice for not joining us and such.." Well if you felt so guilty, you wouldn't of talked about how bad of a dancer she would of been just because she is a BIG girl or treated her nothing more but just complete trash. If you felt so damn guilty, you would of sat there and thought about it, and actually tried to put your place in there shoes instead of only half assingly trying too. Just because you hate that person or dislike them does not mean you should exclude them because they are them selves. I may not sometimes like this girl my self, but I know what it is like to be left alone, and have no one care at all. My group just sat there and talked about what kind of dance we should do and such and made up lame ass exscuses how they seemingly cared but wouldn't even try to understand like they claim. They smiled and lied behind their teeth. I am no different sometimes, sometimes I do, do that to people. But then I always feel guilty, because of the reminder of what it is like to be left alone in the world, to be treated differently for who you are, to be rejected over and over. There selfish acts are not forviable, well maybe for one person in that group because I can't stay mad at her forever, but even right now I am really disappointed how this was treated. Her respect from me dropped from 98% to 63%, considering I never seen this side of her before. There are two types of acception in society. One is to be known as a lie, to kiss everyones ass and to only get in the group to be used over and over and to be treated like crap later on again. And then theres the other acception in society, to be friends with people who love and care for you, for who you are, no matter how much you can annoye them, to be accepted for you. She new that some of my members didnt want her in because they like her, but because she needed some where to be, thus why she rejected on the offer. She wanted to be accepted the right way, to be known as for her and to be liked for her. One person in my group which you all know I love very much, and she is a friend on the Otaku to all of you as well. I thought she helped everyone, but I guess it was only people she liked.. and left the people she hate in the dust. Here she is helping other people with problems far greater then you can imagine, well personally.. if you don't know what it is like to be an outsider in everyones eyes and to never be accepted for a long time, considering the whole reason why some people committe suicide is because of this, then you shouldn't bother helping them. Im sorry to say.. but you've torn a hole in my heart, and I feel so morally betrayed by you, it isn't even funny. You sat there and agreed with those people, who once talked about both of us behind our backs instead of sticking with me, who I have loved you always for who you were. And this action you just did.. really torn me apart inside. I thought I new you.. but now I am not sure. I feel so betrayed, so shocked, and disguested.. I don't know what to think about you anymore..im sorry if you might get angry from what I am feeling or anything.. but this is how I feel. I can't change your mind or decisons you make.. what is done is done. I am just shock to learn a evil that was inside of you, come out like a suprise attack on me. In time you are the only one I probably could forgive, because maybe you didn't mean for what you said and didn't realize as clearly. The others I wont forgive for sure.. but right now.. I feel so heartbroken, damaged, disgusted, betrayed, morally betrayed by you.. my only true friend in that class that in a way stabbed me in the back some how.. I hope that some day we can get over it.. but right now.. I can't even look to speak with you.. thats how hurt I am from you, Aeryc.
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