Saturday, September 17, 2005

   Dedicated Story
Hello people! Let's see what can I write about. Oh yes let me tell you a story. Where should I begin......Feelings are funny things. One minute your feeling something then the next your feeling something totally different. Funny how our emotions affect everything we do. It's like they control us. You can't live with them and you can't live without them. I guess I'm writing this to help people understand their feelings a little better. This came to me in a dream so here goes........A couple of years ago we broke up because of a stupid reason. I blame myself for his suffering and pain. Truth be told I still loved him when we broke up. He kept begging me for a second chance, yet I said no because I did not want to get hurt. He was miserable for such a long time. I still loved him deeply, yet I forced it out my mind and heart (or tried at least). I guess that's why I treated him so wrong, to make myself forget, to make him move on and forget. (Yet he didn't) I moved on and kept hidind my feelings. I had a new boyfriend, yet he wasn't anything compared to him. My feelings never changed, no matter how much I did. I put through so much suffering back then, and I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am. I'm crying inside and I always seem to mask my feelings with something else. As time continued to flow things began to change. I noticed my feelings for him resurfacing, and I was in so much pain and agony. I cried every so often but wouldn't let anyone see my pain. I guess it was the fact that he was moving that really tore at me from the inside. Everyday was like torture as I watched him with them. I guess it was jealousy or remorse. Oh well, I know I deserve it. It's the exact same thing I did to him. Now I know the pain he felt. Now I know how he suffered internally and externally. It's a shame I had not met Lloyd by then. Lloyd had left a large impact on my life. He taught me many things and why we act so. He's the person who got me interested in philosophy. He is the reason why I help people at all costs. Unfortunately I didn't know this till it was to late. I always made sure to keep him close and follow Lloyd's teachings. That's why I could never show him any hate even when he said he'd get over me, fore I could never get over him, no matter how much I tried. When I realized my love for him had returned I didn't know how to explain my feelings to the one I had hurt. Had he forgotten me or did he feel the same way. When I found out he liked someone else, I felt as if my world died and I with it. I wasn't but sad even though I didn't show it. I told him how I had feelings for him, yet I don't know how he felt or how he reacted. I embraced him that same day and for the first time I felt right. As I held him I could feel his warmth pouring into my body. I didn't want to let. I didn't want to say good-bye to this happiness inside me. As my face brushed against his cheek, I wanted to kiss him and fall back into my fantasy world. I held back my feelings, and in the end I didn't kiss him. I can still here him as I embraced him. If he ever goes out with another girl he likes I'd be happy for him. As long as he's happy, I'm happy. It's a shame how I let such a good guy and wonderful thing just slip by because of my stupidity. I had my chance, and I blew it. If I could do things over I would, just to be with him. Just to be with the person I love, yet I could never tell anyone, him, or even myself. If he gives me a second chance, I'll take even though I don't deserve it. I just hope he's happy...........this is dedicated to a special person who always has problems such as these. I hope you read this story which I dreamed and come to an understanding. I always here to help so don't be afraid to ask. Well till next time. See ya!:)
P.S. I really hope this helps more than one person.
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