Wednesday, December 26, 2007

   I miss church...
okay. Scratch that. I don't miss CHURCH.

I miss going to church, and seeing my friends. I miss the carefree youth, the fighting for fun, and causing trouble. Honestly, I was a good girl. But not at that church. I was the "harlot" of the community. Kissing the boys since I was 4, teasing them because they were virgins, because I was a girl, and self-assured while self-destructing, pretty enough, the "cool" one, the independent, rebellious one. I wasn't really that sort of kid. but I was the bastard, the outcast, but I had friends.

I miss running with them, the boys. I miss babysitting. I miss the innocence. Everyone called me "such a pretty girl" and I hated it, so I started to wear all black and be scary (to them) but the pastor was good, she didn't judge me one way or another, she was good, I miss her. I really do.

Back there, I was different, radical. And yet, I never did any harm to anyone. The kids loved me, my friends loved me, my mom loved me even on the mornings we fought like we always fight, and God loved me, and Jesus loved me, they forgave me.

I'm no longer a part of that world, but I want to go back. I will, one day. This summer, or something. I have to. I want to see them. I want to see if they recognize me. I really do.

**sighs**thank you!
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Monday, December 24, 2007

   oh fuck
my mom is nothing like me. I get mad, and get over it fairly quickly. My mom holds a grudge a lot. a lot a lot.

Anyway. Saturday, my sister Tamara, Antonio, Dulce, Dave, Zak, and I all went to the Aquarium. It was extremely nice to see everyone ^__^ Kinda weird, too. College, man.

Tamara took pictures of me, and an incredibly embarrassing video of me trying to climb this lame ass coconut tree. haha. oh wells.

After that, my mom, Tamara, Antonio, and I went to the zoo to see the animals and zoo lights. The snow leopards, my favorite animals, were most entertaining. Natasha, the mama, was crying and pawing at the glass, while Robbie the baby was jumping everywhere and being utterly adorable. The tigers were HUGE. absolutely HUGE.

Also, I loved the Poison Dart Frogs. I love frogs in general, especially the cute colorful ones.

After we saw ZooLights, we went to the Goth Shop. Antonio bought me an Eraserhead T-shirt, and my mom got me a Skinny Puppy shirt and a Pixies CD.

Then, we went home and went to bed. Yay.

Did I tell you I saw Sweeney Todd? It was a GREAT MOVIE. Go see it. I dare you. (If you can stand the fact that it was a musical, that is)...

I was horrified. Absolutely. But still enjoyed it.

Well. Tomorrow is Christmas, so MERRY CHRISTMAS, if you celebrate it. If not, HAPPY HOLIDAYS.

^^thank you!
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Thursday, December 20, 2007

   what. the. deuce.
I guess everyone's pissed at me. I can understand why my mom is, though I don't like it. I don't know why Antonio is; he just IGNORED me all day and I can't figure out why.

Here's a hint, everyone. If you're the type of boyfriend/girlfriend who gets mad for whatever reason, NEVER (ever-ever-never) say, "Well, if you don't know, I'm not telling you."

I hate it when my mom says things like, "I fought for you your whole life." Yeah. Sure feels like it. Especially when your mother was there, telling me how terrible I am, how bad my dad is, that i'm a bastard who ruined my mother's life, and you agreed with her. Or when your whole family laughs at me, calls me fat, ostrisizes me entirely, and she laughs with them. Yeah. FUCKING right.

Moving on.

Not much to move on to. Damn.

I'm not even mad. Just sad, hurt, and confused as hell. Oh well.

=( sorry guys

OH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BIG NEWS!!!!!!!! Deisy had her BABY!!!!!!!! ^__^ ...last weekthank you!
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Tuesday, December 18, 2007

   what a LOVELY evening
To LordSesshomaru: SINCE YOU ASKED, ok, at Red Lobster, there was an old woman who could be Courtney Love...tomorrow. Well, she was in her 60's-70's, bent over, not really fat. Had long, straight white hair. Black circles of makeup around her eyes and her lips were traced with brown pencil.

BUT worst of all, she was wearing a LOW cut shirt that a 20 something might look good in. Her large, WHITE breast was only 10% covered, and as she walked, it was swaying merrily. Ah, Christmas.

anyway. thanks for making me remember that.

Today, we got around, made dinner, and had company!!! Since my mom is so busy around Christmas, we did our "Christmas" with me, Antonio, my momma, Tamara my sister, Dear (grandma of my sister), Tiny (father of my sister), Fotez my brother, Maria (girlfriend of Fotez), and Keanu my nephew. Also, Tiny's sister in law came. Desert Dog (Debbie)...

We had dinner, joked around. Keanu, HE'S SO FREAKING BIG!!!!!!!! MY BABY GREW!!!!!! And he TALKS!!!! he had great fun playing with my cat Pickle ^__^ it was SUPER CUTE (Keanu is 22 months old, by the way)

We got to presents, and AWWWWWWW My sister knows me!!!! For my birthday, she got me a necklace with an apple green heart on it. For Christmas, a black shirt with a skull, dagger earrings, a cross necklace, a new purse, and fluffy socks.

I got her a raver bracelet like she likes (studded, with random colors), a Hot Topic gift card, a notebook with stickers, and a haircare pack ^^

Also, Fotez and Maria got me a cool black and blue studded belt, and high socks

Keanu got a TON!!! of presents, and he was so happy and had so much fun with them all ^__^

ugh. But I get so sick SICK of Tiny always asking my mom out. rawr. In case you were confused, Tamara IS my sister, but not by blood. I was adopted into their family 12 years ago. I even used to live with them. They are more my family than my blood family, aside from my mom, so BLAH.

back to the subject.

My mom got me a whole lot of stuff for Christmas. I only told her to get me the new phone, but she got me a big stocking of stuff =(

I don't like her spending the money, but I gotta say, the woman knows her thrift stores and discount shops.

I got makeup, a new brush which i needed, loofas, foot scrubbers, nail clippers, candies, tea, an animal book, a soft new sweater, a new WARM hoodie which I needed, picture frames, stickers, and, best of all!!!!! a book on Kurt Cobain's "murder" =D, a Nirvana shirt, THREE books by my favorite author MISTER WILLIAM FAULKNER!!!!!!!!!! ^___^ (but I already have Absalom, Absalom! so I'm exchanging it)...she also got my the UNAUTHORIZED Nine Inch Nails biography and a Nine Inch Nails/Survivalism tee shirt, both of which I have and will exchange. ^__^ still, she knows me

but it makes me kinda sad...she doesn't have to spend all that money; I'd have been fine with just coming home for Winter Break...

I got my mom a blue tee shirt from Hot Topic with a penguin nurse (my mom is a nurse), and some Oregon smoked Salmon ^__^ she liked it.

Anyway. It was a good day. ^_^


Pickle waiting to be servedthank you!
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Monday, December 17, 2007

   TOO STRESSFUL!!!!!!!!
Today (Sunday), I saw that movie starring Will Smith, I am Legend. I have the unspeakable urge to call it "yo soy leyenda" and don't ask why.

Seeings how I haven't seen my dad since September...uh...12? he picked me up and we saw that movie. it was nice. really.

I DID like the movie, I PROMISE. I'm a super, huge (fat) post-apocalyptic/zombie/end-of-the-world/etc. genre fan. Seriously. It's my obsession. Stories where the world is ending or has ended catch my interest

If you care to know what the movie was about, look it up yourself; I don't feel like explaining. But I WILL say, it was extremely...stressful!!!!!! Not exactly scary, but tense, and suspenseful, and STRESSFUL!!!! I loved it.

haha. And I look like I belong in an end-of-the-world tale, what with the paleness of my skin, and general grunge-ness of my normal appearance.

Anyway. after that we went to Red Lobster and saw the most horrible sight I can't tell you about.

BY THE WAY, Friday I did wind up having to go to the doctor, I got a whole bunch of drugs, including an inhaler. I managed to breathe on Saturday, though Antonio was still sick.

I wrapped presents, we went to Walmart and IHOP, and waited around for a fucking taxi in the middle of the night when it was about 16 degrees Farenheit.

...I wanna see that movie Juno, with the pregnant teenage girl and Michael Cera, because I adore that kid. <3 he's so adorable; I LOVED Arrested Development. and he was great in that. Also, Superbad


this used to be on the eraserboard on my dorm door...it says, "ZOMBIES NEED LOVE TOO!" and "I'd bust a stitch for you" and "can I take a bite out of you?"


the Willamette River


Emo...but see??? GRUNGE-Y and DIRTY!!!!thank you!
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Friday, December 14, 2007

   all I can hear is the heater, and my own wheezing.
God. Colds suck. I can't even breathe. I want my mommy to wake up soon so she can maybe take me to the doctor. Or at least have a look at my windpipe, which feels really constricted.

So, let's see what's been up.

Tuesday, I went with my mom to the NEW The Children's Hospital, which is about 10 miles east of us. At 6:30 in the morning on a terribly snowy day. (**ack! can't breathe!~**)

I was gonna give blood while my mom was at a meeting, but I'd contracted a cold, so no go.

BUT, I was reading that book, The Road by Cormac McCarthy. it was EXCELLENT. But very, very sad. And quite scary, which is surprising because I'm usually not too easily scared by that kind of stuff.

But, I still highly reccommend it.

ANYWAY, after the hospital, where my mom paraded me around introducing me to every single coworker she met >_< ack. We went to eat at a Mexican restaraunt, and I HAD MENUDO!!!! **drools** IT WAS SO DAMN DELICIOUS!!!!!

then, we went to the Denver Rescue Mission to donate stuff. Then...Sam's, I think. And then Walmart. And then Target. and then, the mall!!! where we ate Tokyo Joe's, and it was good.

After that, we went home, I passed out, and for the next 2 days, I've done nothing but be sick and hang out with Antonio. T_T still can't breathe.

OH!!!!!! And in case you didn't know, I am a big Futurama fan. It's probably my favorite American cartoon. Seriously. So last night we watched the movie, and...and it was so beautiful **wipes a tear away** I really liked it!!!!

now, I hope you're all safe and sound and happy!thank you!
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Tuesday, December 11, 2007

   oh man this desk is a piece of poopy!!
So!!! I made it home safe and sound. My sister was there to pick me up at the airport; thank God, too, because it was COLD.

I haven't seen snow since it snowed last season in Denver. So, flying in, peeking out my window, I was amazed to see the fluffy white stuff everywhere. neat-o!

And I glomped Tamara to death when I saw her. major glompage, I tell you what! We hung out for a while, I met her pet rat, I almost got free Italian food curtosy of Fotez, the brother unit.

But I decided to go home and spend time with my pets. This is horrible to say...but I CRIED when I saw Pickle. I picked him up, hugged him, and then the waterworks xD

My dogs were happy to see me. My bunny bit me in way of greeting, and Miss Kitty growled at me.

THEN Antonio, Alan, and Alan's new girlfriend Brittany came over. Let me tell you, I like Brittany a lot better than Alan's last GF, at least so far. **knock on wood**

And then, my mommy got home from work and it was happy ^_^

but, unfortunately, she is dragging my sorry ass to that dump known as backwoods Goshen Indiana. Fuck, am I not looking forward to that (I don't like to see most of my family...they are racist, sexist, stupid, Bible-thumpin' jerks) BUT to make me enjoy it more (or something) my mom said Antonio could come with us.

That's going to be...interesting >_> lol hopefully no one pulls that racist bullshit on him. I'm not sorry; if they fucking do that, I will not stand for it. I'll turn my back on my own family, because FUCK them; they turned their backs on me enough times. It's bad enough when they call my sister a spic and she's not there and they've never met her. Antonio is more volatile than Tamara, so if they do that...conflict!!!

Anyway. I'm already missing Portland; it feels like I never left Denver and Portland was just a wonderful dream...**sighs**

Let me tell you about my last day there!!! So, I woke up, did laundry, and then Derek and Becky and I wanted to go to the Saturday market. It had already closed, so we decided to do something else.

That something else was, sit around talking about what to do! Eventually, it was decided that Derek and I would go get dinner, since Becky didn't want to spend money.

Well, Derek and I wandered around a bit; he showed me some interesting graffiti, and some karate/kung-fu stuff, and i scraped and bruised my knee trying to emulate it. When we got to the Japanese place, it turned out that jerk only had like $3.50 on him and went to not make me feel lonely!!! >:(

SO! I said, NO we are getting you something that will satisfy you. We wound up eating at the crappy Mexican place 2 blocks behind the dorm -_-

then...we went back to my room, hung out, and later I went to the groccery store. THEN, Derek and I went to Voodoo Donuts to get souvenirs for everyone. We saw Rampaging Santas, the guys who dress up as Santa, drink alcohol with weed in it, and flock from bar to strip club all night.

Then, we gave a homeless guy a donut, and came back. Becky went to sleep, I said good-bye to Derek, and got ready for my trip =(

Now I'm home and it's weird.thank you!
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Friday, December 7, 2007

   The story. of the drunken expedition.
So last night, Kory, Miles, Shaleese, Payton, Ben, some dude, and the twins were getting drunk...next door

Derek was in mine and Becky's, as usual, and all I hear (I'm at my computer by the bookcase) is THUNK

He goes over to check, sees them shit faced, we go over and talk to them.

The twins are super nice.

Anyway. later, Derek goes over and tucks Ben in to go to sleep, while I...cleaned >_< yuck. Then, Derek comes back.

we're like, "Let's go for a walk!~" so we go for a walk. With the DRUNK ASS Miles and Payton.

We're walking to 7-11 yay! and I was texting Antonio, not paying attention to where I was going, and I crashed into a pole. Like, "WHAM."

I assure you, I was NOT drunk. ^O^ also, I meow A LOT.

And after the late-night voodoo expedition the other night, when I meowed a lot, we came back inside and Miles asked, "did anyone hear that weird cat? I could swear I've been hearing it all night." Shaleese asked too

Becky burst out laughing, straight faced fuckin' Derek was normal looking, and I was trying not to laugh. maybe he still doesn't know?

Uhm let's see...

oooh maybe I shouldn't tell you this but what the hell do you care ^^ it's SUPER fuckin' adorable!!!!!! Derek has the MOST OBVIOUS crush on Sarah ^_^

it's so frickin' adorable; he's like a little kid. Derek is normally this straight-faced, witty kinda guy, but with Sarah, he's all a sudden Mr. Social Butterfly. Everyone on the floor knows he has the crush. I hope they go out; they're suited for each other. Or maybe I'm biased in Derek's favor...? either way, it's really cute

I got my lip ring changed today. I'm gonna get my hair cut tomorrow. And then I will dye it purple. yay!!!

now, if you'll excuse me, I am off to take a nap.

OH!!!! oh em gee!!! I have to tell you!!! i got a 50/80 on my biology final. FIGURES first time I get a 50 on a bio test it's out of 80 =P

Anyway. that makes my percentage...62.5% for the final test. I have study ADD, too, NaeNae. I'll be reading, and then my mind wanders and I'm thinking about the ceiling, or where to buy a vaccuum cleaner, or highlighting in rainbows for no reason. or re-reading the same page. or jumping around. or just finding some excuse in general not too look at my book.

SIGH. next term starts a new page in my book. you guys have to put the beat down on methank you!
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Thursday, December 6, 2007

   i am dead in the head
still studying...but I have terrible study habits...

my hon paper was terrible, but i'm mostly past the point of caring...

ugh. college.

**curls up and dies**

in happier news, last final is thursday.

going home sunday.

tamara (sister) ruined the surprise by telling me that i'm getting a ride home from the airport. LOL oh well ^^thank you!
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Wednesday, December 5, 2007

   fuck you if this is you
okay. So I was perfectly cheerful today, despite losing my ID earlier, and freaking out during my finals. and having very little sleep.

Anyway. So.

Some dumb jerk got a 15 gallon garbage can, filled it with water, and leaned it on Kelsi's door. They knock and run away, she opens the door. Water FLOODS her room, she screams, everyone runs out to see what happened.

Whoever did it is a mystery, but I was pissed. I helped her clean as much as possible up, helped by putting some towels in the laundry. cos it was filthy fuckin' water. sick.

Anyway. as you can see, I have changed my layout. I hope you like it ^^

Take notice of the nice image thing.

I'm too tired to tell any nice stories right now.

sorry guys!!! =(

tired. tired tired tired.thank you!
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