Tuesday, December 4, 2007

   i'm FUCKED

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) You have a very hard time focusing, and you find it difficult to stay on task without your mind wandering. You probably zone in and out of conversations and tend to miss out on directions because you cannot focus
Manic Depressive
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
Paranoia
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

i hate my brains and laundrythank you!
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Saturday, December 1, 2007

   again with the bitchin'
not gonna be around for a bit.

depressed.

stressed.

angry.

confused.

lonely.

tired.

stupid.

etc.

I have finals to study for, laundry to do (needs to be done), a room to clean, have to pack, need a haircut...crap.

on the plus side, i'm making friends...kinda. I'm just really down right now, i'm gonna go lay down and see if i can wake up ever... =/ sorry to be emo

sorry guys =(

take care o' yourselves, okay?thank you!
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Friday, November 30, 2007

   that's 2 classes down...
Ok ^_^ thanks for the comments from yesterday.

GOOD NEWS! I got another point on my Biology test for whatever reason, I'm not gonna complain. It may only be 30/50, but it's still ever so much better than a 29/50

so. even BETTER news is that I am officially finished with going to Honors. Forever. Fuck them from here on out. Well, except for my final paper, but if I fuck that up...I'll be very, incredibly miserable, and even more desperate to opt out of my fuckin' honors class.

Today also marked the last formal, regular day of Nihongo! ^o^ I really love that class. I also love Fuse-sensei, the first teacher of the evening. He's a really good teacher, very nice, very patient.

Plus, he asked this Korean girl and I if we are "Nihonjin" because we did well in an exercise...

But I hate being asked questions...I get nervous and freeze up and can't speak. I should tell my Japanese teachers that I can't speak in Eigo either >_< **bites tounge** take that you wiggly, stupid bastard!!!

ahem. anyway. Friday afternoon is my biology lab practical exam xD yay!!! I'm really nervous...

but I shouldn't be. If you don't count the quizes, I've done consistently about a B's worth. Maybe a 90% here, 70% here...and the quizes weren't all as bad as i've thought...out of the...8, i believe? I've gotten at LEAST a 9/10, a 10/10 (granted, this was the one she forgot to make and we ALL got 10's on...), and an 8/10...so we'll see!

my future is looking a million miles away, unless i have a baby. Which, by the way, my dear friend Deisy is due any day now!!! I had a dream it did so i woke up VERY confused... xD

yup! OH and by the way, the picture of me didn't show up because I forgot the "c" in the src... so here it is agains


;_; my finger is burned. from soap.

see, Derek, who comes over on a daily basis for tea and companionship, told me that if you pour milk in a cup, put a lightbulb in the milk, and heat it in the microwave, it lights up.

I was GONNA try it, but didn't want to waste milk or murder my microwave. So he told me about the one where you can make a bar of soap into a bunch of suds by nukin' it.

I tried it, it was interesting, but as I tried to take the soap off, it was HOT, and burned my poor finger :-<

oh welly well well

haha it's like 15 hours later from when i wrote this xD now i'm postingthank you!
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Thursday, November 29, 2007

   you're a bunch o' munchin' crunchy human!!!!
So. Today. I got up a little early, studied some more for my biology test...

studied during the LAST class of ESR 220. Studied before the test.

Thought I knew the stuff, really I did...but apparantly not better than my other tests that i only studied minimally for =(

29 out of 50...WHAT THE FUCK!!! ugh so frustrating, I thought I would at least get a freakin' 32 or so!!! I'm so sad...

oh well...I'll study extra super hard for the final i guess

xD Fry, from Futurama: "Bender...? Bender?! Have you seen my sombraro?!?!"

Oh! I got my "spirit" package for finals from my mom...Good GOD. It's full of JUNK food xP I wish it wasn't...I'm pretty good about not buying that stuff, but when it's there, it's like...FOOD easy frickin' FOOD!!

Although, it DID come with a bendy green smilie face man xD

It somewhat made my day that Superior vol. 5 is being translated more...^o^ It's getting to the good part soon!!!

Like, 1 or 2...well maybe 3...pages away from the good part ^_^ i'm a little confused about it, but READY, oh boy am I ready for the translations =D

ja.

**sighs** this is just awful! I wanna see Alice in Wonderland, following my obsession with the book of late

**Sasaya is sad...she is so ugly and dumb that Derek and Becky make fun of her**


can you see me?


Erin desu! ^_^thank you!
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Wednesday, November 28, 2007

   si se puede!!!
**ahem**

Sorry LS. Didn't mean to insult you with the goat thing...kinda forgot... x3 i stole the saying from becky's roommate.

(an example of my inability to speak. now it's invading my typing, because I talk out loud as I type...I MEANT to say, Becky's boyfriend...YO soy el roommate de Becky! her roommate is me!)

Hrm. so today was depressing.

My honors professor knows who i am finally. He also has nothing good to say about my paper; my final. he's right in saying I don't "get" some things; I try to write what he wants me to, and it's not what he wants. so who knows.

I hate kissing his ass, especially since I really dislike him. He acts like I should be so frickin' amazed by his self-procclaimed intellect, but all I can see is his giant gaping asshole in front of me, blowing a lot of hot air.

Thanks for the comments. College is evil.

I do, in a few ways, want to quit. But in other ways I don't. I'm going to quit Honors, first and foremost.

And I'm probably not going to take Japanese so I'll have more time to get good grades in other important classes.

Finals are next week. WISH ME LUCK x( I need it terribly horribly bad.

I'm so excited for winter break, y'all =)

OH and my mommy sent me pictures of my dogs and my cat pickle. It made my day ^_^

Also, I decided that I'm going to ask for help from some older student on my honors paper.

Feh. =_=

So. Um.

Let's get busy. Let's get down tonight and make a baby. We'll start out slow to make it go, and when it does won't we have fun! On the rocky-shakey-rocky-shakey shakes and rock, back and forth, and up and down and all around and when we're done, I'll say goodnight. From there you should hold me tight and promise to love me forever until we meet the sun.

-yo!

(Don't ask, por que no se!!!)


my spoon's too bigthank you!
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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

   modified, to fit your crappy lifestyle
get the goat get the goat, happy goat!

i am nothing and i like it that way...
=/
inconsequential shithead.

I wanna quit school. i do i do i do.
sometimes i feel like i only came because it's what everyone expected of me. now here i am.

oh well. let's read some lyricals.

Rancid - Time Bomb Lyrics

If you wanna make the move
then you better come in
it's just the ability to reason
that wears so thin
living and dying and the stories that are true
secrets to a good life is knowing when you're through

black coat, white shoes, blackhat, cadillac
the boy's a time bomb

he's back in the hole where they got him living
like a rat but he's smarter than that nine lives
like a cat take him to the youth authority home
first thing you learn is that you got to make it
in this world alone

now he's gotten out he's gotten free he's gotta go
gotta car 21 years old he's runnin' from the
bar his pager's beepin' he's got in deep in
whatever he can move on in you know that kid's a creepin'

in tears come from the razor that's been tattooed below
his eye his mother cries she knows that he is strong enough
to die he's rollin' in the cadillac it's midnight sunroof is down
three shots rung out the herd's deal
the new king is crowned.

....

what the fuck why isn't youtube working??!?!

oh wellthank you!
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Sunday, November 25, 2007

   12 pages and a midterm weds.
Death to college. **shakes fist at it**

Anyway.

let's see! I talked to Antonio and his friends on the phone. Then Antonio (drunk) complained to me for a while, and made me feel TERRIBLE. I started shaking and freaking out...Luckily Christian, poor tired thing, talked to me while Antonio was being a jerk...

Becky was comforting me in the usual way that girlfriends do, saying "you're too good for him" or whatever. Nice thought, doens't help. And the next morning, he profusely apologized. It was so sweet ^o^

So Friday Jason came over, watched Shawshank Redemption. The funniest part was when I was laying down super depressed. He came over and layed on top of me, made me slightly uncomfortable/irritated. Then Becky runs over and lays on top of him xD then she tickles him and rolls off laughing.

He gets up, trips over my bass case and laundry, falls, and Bex and I are laughing so hard we cry xD!!!!!!!

The next day, Saturday, we laze around. I can't remember if Derek came over...yes, yes he did, I was just in a depression so I took a 2 hour shower. bad, yes, i know, but i take really long showers when i'm depressed.

Anyway. he made fun of me and made me more depressed. but I was still happy. Later that evening, Becky, Derek, Jason and I went to this AWESOME!!!!!!!! great place called "Roxies" (i think...?)

It's a cute little 24 hour place, that has TONS of transvestites all over the place. And cuss words everywhere. It was great. I would have popped a boner if I could have...because THEY PLAYED NINE INCH NAILS!!!!! **happiness**

We were getting our food, and all a sudden, I get REALLY quiet, with big eyes, and go "I know this...Sunspots, NINE INCH NAILS, With_teeth"

then I sang along and they stared.

After that we went to Voodoo Donuts and had tasty donuts. From there we went to Safeway, and from there we came back to our FILTHY dorm room. Well, not filthy, but extremely disorganized.

Anyway. They like to tease me for being dumb, and Jason was being pretty mean. I actually DID get upset, and ducked under my covers. It made me laugh to hit my head hard on the wall, but I still cried a little. It was pathetic. Like 2 tears. I hate crying. so I do my best not to. All I did was ruin my mascara.

Jason felt SO bad, and Derek said "Be nicer to her." LOL

After that I felt better, we watched The Host, great movie. Then Jason left and Derek and I watched stupid movies on the internet.

He's such a dork, I swear. Sometimes, I get the feeling he doesn't like me that much...He hangs out most when Becky's around. In which case I feel sorry for him because she's kinda taken.

Though, today after breakfast, he taught me to play Go. I am spectaculary terrible. As he so...meanly pointed out, "your powers of observation never fail to amaze me. Or lack thereof."

-_- so mean. He's mean in a really offhand, you might miss it kind of way. so serious, too.

in some ways it's true. But in others, it makes me feel bad, because nobody here really knows me. I think i can be smart, sometimes. or smart in different ways.

It does NOT help that I'm really...I dunno, I can't talk. I say "r" instead of "l" sometimes. I stumble over words, I mispronounce and jumble them, and I say weird fucked up things, or I let my mind get ahead of me.

Example:
We were walking, I was saying something about making somebody grow balls.
Derek says, "how can you make someone grow balls"
and I MEANT to say, "I can't make them grow balls, but I can at least make them shut their legs"...but I really said, "I can'make them grow legs"

=_=

another example, not of jarring words, but of confusion:
Derek: You sure like penises, don't you
Julie: sometimes
Derek: do they think of you as an asshole?
Julie: you are what you eat...wait.

I can't even begin to explain how poorly I often speak. it's dreadful **depressed**

I'm also terribly uncoordinated. **trips**

oh wellz.

OH! and Mayte might get me a '95 NIN shirt ^_^thank you!
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Friday, November 23, 2007

   happy fuckin' thanksgiving...
It wasn't a bad day, and I'm grateful for all I have...but right now I'm drowning under a wave of depression.

I can't tell you exactly why I'm so down; I don't know. But after Bex and I ate...we got back...

and it was like...an extra ton of weight was added to me. my heart is so heavy. And I don't know exactly why. It's frustrating and infuriating.

Maybe it's money, or black sunday, or christmas, or thanksgiving, or finals, or loneliness, I dunno.

But I AM really really really really really worried about my sister, Tamara. She's sick. Again. Last year, she was sick for about 4 months straight, and wound up having her gallbladder removed.

She's traumatized by it. Plus, her parents are being fucking assholes. Always fighting with each other, so inconsistant, the only thing constant is her grandma. Even I'm not there to cheer her up or fight back for her.

so, she might be in the ER tomorrow =( Again. I hate her being sick, i want her to be better. I hate it. She's my sister, i would do anything for her to feel better and stay better. and I'm not even there for her.

And Antonio. He's fucking depressed. and I'm worried about him, very muchly. but in some ways, also irritated, because he takes stuff out on me, and brings me down with him. he makes me feel really fucking guilty for coming here. and i love it here.

I dunno. Just depressed.

Although!!! HAPPINESS~~ My mom called me after she had dinner, and xD my nephew Nunu!!! (Keanu) wanted to talk to me!!!

so he was on the phone chatting to me. He's not even 2 yet, i have no idea what he was saying, but I caught, "I love you, bye bye!" xD!!!!!! **squeezes him** It was the highlight of my day!!! SO INCREDIBLY ADORABLE, you don't even know.

and then my nephew Austin was talking to me on the phone!!! He's 7, and super adorable. He's such a great kid, I can't even begin to tell you. Well behaved (well, for a 7 year old), smart, nice, he's such a great kid. I love him so much!!! He talked to me. But my phone was retarded and I thought he was his stepmom xD I felt bad...I want to talk to him some more!!!!

then, Maria (stepmom) talked to me xD she's funny...

and then I talked to Dear, TAB's awesomely awesome grandma!!! ^___^ she's such a nice lady.

and then I talked to my mommy again. By the way, you should be proud of me. I broke the news to her that I have a pierced lip now xD she didn't take it too rough.

xD OMFG i'm so excited to go home. and my cat pickle, of all my pets, is the only one who really misses me =(

anyway. except for that last bit, I cheered myself up a bit =3

hope you had a great thanksgiving, or at least a fulfilling one. ^_^thank you!
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Thursday, November 22, 2007

   wow y'all are MEAN!!!
Lordsesshomaru and NaeNae!!!! damn!!! You totally double teamed me!!!

=O

Excuse me for not having the best grammar after having been up for hotondo 24 hours!!! rawr!!

Plus, while grammar is important, I don't always use it. In my writing, I try to use good grammar. Or at least decent. And I very rarely use most slang.

However, in my normal speech, I'm not so articulate. sometimes I stutter, sometimes I can't pronounce "l" so I sound like a fucking Japanese tourist, I say "um" a lot...there's other stuff.

but I'm fucking tired right now xD TIRED!!!

But I got a bass case!!! woot!!!

I miss my sister, and my pets. 2 and a half weeks til i go home! woot!!!!!!

So. last night, my friend Derrek and I were watching MXC aka Most Extreme Elimination Challenge, aka Takeshi's Castle, aka ïLë…!¤¿¤±¤·³Ç (F¨±un! Takeshi J¨­). totemo tanoshikatta yo!!! xD

lmao!

oh my head is in pain.

goodnight!!!thank you!
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Wednesday, November 21, 2007

   college isn't so bad
Contrary to popular belief, I DO enjoy college.

Just...you know. stress.

UGH! tired.

and my room looks like huricane julie hit...

**gags** dammit. I had too much chicken tenders, now I've got heartburn. fuck.

this is gonna be random. i'm tired. and still not gonna go to bed soon.

well soonish.

now i gots to do my homework.

**dies**thank you!
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