Friday, February 16, 2007

   where's the smilie with the x over his mouth, like =X
anyway, today was a bad day. I could not catch a break. My friends weren't really bitchy, but Antonio and my mom were. My mom, of course, is a complete hypocrite, and I will not bitch about her now because i am deciding to keep stuff to myself, no matter how pissed I am.

I swear...and swore. bleh. Now i can't wait for college. My head is pounding, and I'm hungry, but i refuse to eat cos i'll just throw up. besides, who wants to hang around a woman who screams at you everytime you open your mouth to say ANYTHING.

Right now, i kind of don't give a SHIT what happens, as long as I get out of here ASAP. I really want to go to Portland State. Of course, Antonio was bad-mouthing Oregon, but I don't like Colorado, so it doesn't matter what he says. My mom doesn't care where i go, except that she's paying for it. My dad wants me to stay close.

I guess my friends understand. I'll be sad to leave them. My friends are quite literally my life. I would have killed myself if not for my friends to shake me and say "if you do it, i will too." and I won't let them. nope.

Plus, the lovely Nine Inch Nails and Trent Reznor calmed me. I listened to their music, watched Trent Reznor interviews (I found myself feeling the same way he was saying), and calmed down a lot.

this is the lyrics to their new song, My Violent Heart. I can't wait XD


MY VIOLENT HEART

you and I, we may look the same,
but we are very far apart
there's bullet holes where my compassion used to be
and there is violence in my heart

into fire you can send us,
from the fire we return.
you can label us a consequence
of how much you have to learn.

you can try, but you'll never understand
this is something you will never understand
can you hear it now
hear it coming now
can you hear it now

on hands and knees, we crawl
you cannot stop us all
our bones, our skin
we will not let you win

you have set something in motion
much greater than you've ever known
standing there in all your grand naiveté
about to reap what you have sown

time will feed upon your weaknesses
soon you'll lose the will to care
when you return to the place that you call home
we will be there, we will be there


I love this place.

stupid scars, my arm looks like a fishthank you!
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

   Apples and Oranges
You can compare them. I like oranges much better than apples. unless they're green.

Valentine's Day. bane of my existance. Not entirely. But Mardi Gras rocks.

Both get you fat, but Mardi Gras gets you drunk and possibly in adult situations with a stranger. plus, you get to show off your boobs.

Random person says: "What boobs?!"

And I say shut up.

Our Newspaper got finished. And passed out. I WAS SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!! It's crap, we put the wrong year on there, and everything is messed up, but damn. it's done again!!!!!!

hrm...lessee. I'm wearing a red turtleneck to signify my relationship status. Personally, I hate tight turtlenecks and red, and not wearing black, but whatever.

if only i'd had condoms to give away with valentines.

Stupid waste of money valentine's day.thank you!
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

   i like punk
...Very much. But, really, only older punk. and not thaaat punk. well, i dunno if Social Distortion is punk, but they kick ass. Also, i love the Red Hot Chili Peppers...they are so good. not punk. but good.

real punk is good punk. i really don't like new punk. like green day. or my chemical romance. Or FALLOUT BOY!!!!!!!!! what the FUCK is that???

several weeks ago, i had an arguement with my friend Dino...i said, "I hate at punk concerts how these little kids are wearing fucking fallout boy teeshirts"

and Dino, being Dino, got pissed and said, "Well you can't judge them based on how they dress!!! that's so fucked up. look at me i'm prep but i like rap and metal and pop."

he kept saying that shit, and, as i very vocally tried to get my opinion in, to shut him up, with many "NO NO NO"s (haha nose), i was thinking "dammit, duh. just lemme talk."

my POINT WAS that FALLOUT BOY is NOT in any way possible, plausible, or presentable PUNK. Hell no. when i finally mentioned that, dino says, "Oh. well, yeah of course they aren't punk, they're Punk-pop."

i still think that's pushing it. and i mean, come on. Fallout boy sucks. no offense if you like them. they're just blatantly generic. they look the same, they act like assholes, and their music is NOTHING new.

in fact, the band Panic! At the Disco sounds just like them, and is newer and younger, but they're much better. Their lyrics are deeper, and their style is more distinctive. they're still poseur-goth-punk, but they are like circus. I don't LIKE them, but i like them. not fallout boy. sons of hounds.

:P bleh, i'm so musically opinionated :)

the other night, as i was walking with Antonio from walmart, this tall, fat dude goes "damn hoe" i dunno if it was to me, or what but i was like "hey!" in my head. i didn't say it outloud because he was bigger than Antonio and I put together. I mean, Antonio's gotten his ass handed to him by 7 west-siders at once, and I'm short and stubby, and pretty tough (though whiny)

NINE INCH NAILS ON RADIO!!!

but I don't need my ass beat by some huge guy who looks like my ex 2 exes ago. sheesh.

I miss old school AFI.


"If it meant that you would be happy

I'd give it all away

Everything that made me ME, I'd give it all away

So that you could be YOU

And never anyone else



Your face has haunted me and taunted me and now I see

Just how far this feeling goes

Deeper and deeper, beneath the skin

Until, like dogs, we die in the dirt





Never loved but always loving

We give ourselves away

And, today, it came to this

If it meant losing you, losing everyone I know

If it meant hurting you, killing you

Don't think that I wouldn't

If it meant losing you and everyone

I'd do it anyway





This runs deeper, darker than ever before

And they are still there

The urge still pulses, pounds

I feel it in my flesh, so desperate, this assimlation

Can't you understand? Don't you feel it too?





I love you for fucking ever

I love myself more

I love you for fucking ever

And it all ends here.

"thank you!
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Monday, February 12, 2007

   Dammit day
today sucks. I've been sweating bullets, worried about Newspaper, which is having some SERIOUS production issues. >< at least the people are better this time :)

i was about to laugh my balls off, then, because this freshman girl just said, "PHYSICS IS A LOT EASIER THAN CHEMISTRY."

-.- obviously, she's never had a REAL class of either. Chemistry is just matching numbers. Physics is just plain hard.thank you!
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