Friday, September 8, 2006

   how SWEET
"misfit0002: i love you more then i love life and love u more then i love hatting ppl"



that was a message from Antonio...aw, i feel SO freakin loved...he really loves hating people, after all...

speaking of hated people, my school, most of it anyway, must hate me because i'm the "big voice" of LONGER MATH AND LANGUAGE. they hate that, because they're lazy little morons, incapable of understanding how important that is until its too late. School should be fun, but the point of school is to learn, and it's hard to learn much in 45 minutes time.

it's the 6th graders, all their faults. >.> but i like a lot of them ^__^

actually, i do like a lot of people at my school.

but my mom is always bitching ALL THE FREAKIN time. if something falls on the floor, I "threw it there" or i "go out of my way to mess things up for her" etc. you surely know that drivel.

in case you didn't know this about me, i don't like to run away from things. If i have a problem with someone, I don't just leave, i stay and try to make it better, cos i've never seen things get better when you just leave. of course, everybody i KNOW leaves, but whatever.

but it's getting so bad that i just "can't take this shit anymore" of course i wouldn't kill myself, but i want to cut, i want to run away. I will not, but i just want her to understand how shitty my week has been, how stressed i have been. She blows me off on important stuff then gets mad that "i didn't tell her" but it's the end of the fucking world if i do the same.

anyway. she's just a bitch. She used to be so nice. i don't know what her problem is. but if she doesn't like her situation, she put herself here. she can just leave like she always does.

but on better news, i had my meeting about college with my counselor...I actually think it went really well. I'm going to forego the job hunt and start a scholarship hunt...full throttle. it sucks i'm white middle class, but at least i'm not rich. And i have disgustingly good grades...kind of. there's always that c there making me sad but whatever.

the colleges i'm looking at are, in order of importance to me,
*Portland State University
*University of Colorado, Boulder
*Colorado College
*Reed College
*University at Puget Sound
*Whitman
*Smith

but like i said, i don't know about out of state, what with that scholarship, and antonio and all...

anywho, i've gotta retake the ACT in october. It sucks, cos I got a really good score, but i chose to retake it because if I do just one point better, or 2 points better, or 4 points better, you get the idea, i will be in the 30's, which is a whole nother ballpark. SCHOLARSHIPS DAMMIT

unless someone sponsers me...do you know any rich, childless couples? **adoption**

anyway, I'm very busy tomorrow, what with the Open House and Press Release of my school...so if i don't get on, please forgive my absence!!!!!thank you!
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Thursday, September 7, 2006

   another fairly crappy day
but whatever. i did get an email from a dear friend/big brother!!! I was SOOO happy!!! you can't even picture it. I actually wrote a sincerely happy reply!!!!!

well, at school today, I was on for a couple minutes, and as I was looking at LordSesshomaru's page, which, as you may have guessed, has pictures of Sesshomaru!!! @>@ Bikkurriiiiiiiiiiiii DA YO!

LOL anyway, annoying girl who likes anime (part of the reason i don't very much anymore, in fact) but would not know about it unless i had showed it to her in middle school...where was I?

oh yes, annoying girl sees LS's page, and starts blabbing about Sesshomaru in really crappy, annoying, high pitched fangirl Japanese. I wanted to slap her.

In fact, i really wasn't listening, and her voice makes me want to go on a homicidal rampage, almost as bad as her blatant anime OBSESSION that is far beyond normal, healthy, or standable. have i mentioned how OUT OF THIS WORLD FUCKING ANNOYING SHE IS???????

but all I managed to say was, in japanese, "no, you're stupid. Sesshomaru is a weirdo."

and she shut the hell up...mostly cos she didn't understand what i said, but i digress...

kicked her ass -.- show off bitch.

what the hell is her problem??? SHE HATES THE SENIOR CLASS AND SHE'S A SENIOR!!!!!!!! plus, she's short with and rude to my best friend, so she can go suck a rooster.

pansy ass jerk. i feel sorry for her cos not a lot of people like her, but then i see her friends and her and how they are...they think they're in Anime...she thinks she's dating an anime character, SERIOUSLY. not even just pretend. and they act like they're the cool badass kids everyone wants to emulate when in fact very few people like them

well, at least Kristal (who goes by Krishna for no reason now) and that Flubbers girl (last name Lubbers, i call her flubbers) do. the big one who's quiet is cool.

**nods** whatever the hell i just said.thank you!
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Wednesday, September 6, 2006

   what's with all the anger?
why yes, i have had a lot of stupid angry faces...

at least I'm not my poor Friend, Dulce!!! she's sick!! or allergies are eating her...

don't you hate it when people are like...austentatious, like me? XD

i'm such a bitch.

anyway, remember a while ago when i mentioned my opinion on Abortions? i was talking about a friend who has a kid, with a teacher and we started talking about abortions.

she said something about "a choice" and I replied,

"The choice comes BEFORE, whether you have sex, or not. Unless you DON'T have a choice, then that's different."

we always have a choice, and that's why I choose not to have sex. I don't want ANY kids until i'm out of college, with a job, and preferably married.

speaking of which, this is really starting to bug me. Depending on what scholarships i get, and where i get accepted to, I might go to college out of state

However, i don't think i'll be breaking up with antonio any time soon. I don't believe in long distance relationships, but i don't wanna break up over that. He said if i go to portland state, he'll move out with me, as long as i wait a year for him to graduate.

It's just...weird. I don't want to give up my education or my bf...but i don't think i want to get married or anything yet, either.

It's such a damn headache, i sort of don't know what to do.

damn, growing up sucks. I wanna be LITTLE for the rest of my life.

or else, I'll rob a bank...yeaaaaaah

haha....anyway, it's all going to be OK. maybe one big mistake or disappointment, or just plain boring. But i have learned that everything turns out OK as long as you don't give up (like me) I'm just kidding. Of course i'm not stupid enough to give up, not on myself, or my friends.

I just sound too optimistic to talk like that, and would totally ruin this image of goth-emo-whore...damn

anywho, bye bye!thank you!
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Tuesday, September 5, 2006

   fuck college
bleh, i feel so lethargic, i don't even want to go. it's going to be an uphill battle, and i don't even want to try, cos if it's hard, it's not worth doing.

no, i really don't mean that.

i'm just frustrated because i don't understand. Like my personal essay. what the hell? i wrote a bunch of bull because i had no idea what else to write about. I guess i will get it revised and i know i'll change it but still... @.@ drives me fucking insane.

and then, there's scholarships. It seems like the only time anything productive gets done is in my dreams. I dreamed that I got that full-ride scholarship to any instate college, i was SO fucking happy that i was in an uber bad mood when i woke up... :(

plus i dreamed i went back to japan too...

fuck... >< i just don't wanna TRY!

this is too much headaches

on the plus side, i can start my online classes tomorrow...i've only recieved my confimation email to day but as Antonio says, it's college. I just need that damn credit to graduate!!!!!! it's creative writing, too, which makes me really happy...^_^ it pissed me off that they waited till the night before -a holiday at that- to send the email giving me the address and everything

THEN i forgot my password almost, LOL

anyway, toodles!thank you!
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Saturday, September 2, 2006

   bleh...irritations and plans gone down
i didn't have school today...yay!

but i was gonna get my senior pictures taken...key word: gonna. which, incidentally, isn't really a word. But my point is, i DIDN'T get my senior pics taken because Anotnio spent the night, and kept me up

I told him i wanted to sleep a lot so i could look good in my pics...not all tired and stuff. well, i managed to get to sleep about 12...but Antonio got irrtated that i was asleep, and gave me a big fuckin hickey...BLACK...in the front of my neck, a little to the right.

PISSED THE HELL OUT OF ME. I woke up, cussing. then i spent till 4 am crying about it, so i wake up at 10 looking like crap, with my puffy eyes and black circles, and black spot.

he felt really bad, though. tried to make it ok. but oh well. it's been rescheduled for the 11th...I appreciate his love of me!!! he felt SO guilty, he was crying too


its all good!!! and today was my favorite type of weather!!!

ANYWAY! I have a really big question for you guys, especially those who have applied to college...

WHAT SHOULD I WRITE ABOUT IN MY PERSONAL ESSAY (the essay i send in with my college application)

What are some good qualities in me to show?? gah...i was thinking a bit of my Japan trip...but i dunno...i don't know how to describe that!!! any suggestions/advice?

thanks!thank you!
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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

i got my nudey pen after all!
lunch de watashi to Dulce-chan wa Dulce-chan no papa no resutoran ni itta....hanbaagaa o tabetta...totemo oishikatta desuuuuuuu!!!!!!!! ^__^

soshite junk ya ni itta...nekked man pen o kaitta!!!!!!! hahahaha okashii ne....i see something unhorrible....

but it's mostly to horrify after all

and i saw pants that cost $220...insane!!

in other news, do you know about JonBennet Ramsey? she'd be just a little younger than me, and is/was from CO too, but she got murdered...sure you know

well, John Mark Karr, the guy who "killed" her will not be tried because the DNA doesn't match...take that, high pants liar!!! seriously, look at his pants



that should be illegal

speaking of which, even if he didn't murder that poor girl, he's still completely WACKO and should be locked up...

i mean...he married teenage girls...and had "relationships" with elementary schoolers...does that not strike you as criminal?

dumbfeckthank you!
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Monday, August 28, 2006

   haha
"she swore she was a cutter, with that kamikaze action, edge of a thrill, but she spoke lasting words!"

or something. it's some song by no address. they suck

anyway, school tomorrow. i have to buy a bunch of pizza because underclassmen are piggies. maybe.

lunch meetings. stupid newspaper!! But i heard i don't have school friday! yay me!

haha, today was crazy. in the 15 minutes i spent waiting for Antonio, 3 guys hit on me. The first was a little older than me, and kind of desperate. but he was ugly.

the second was this guy about my age, made a lewd comment which i ignored. the THIRD was some old gross crinkly old man ewwwwwwwwww

but then Antonio showed up and cussed at some other guy making rude thingies.

And we went to a store!! wow! he stole one of those Pens where the chick's clothes fall off when you turn the pen...i hate it!!! i was so mad and offended!!!! Especially when he said i should do that!! :( and when he said "if you don't like it, give me a naked picture of you" =.= hell no

I told him to steal me a pen with the naked guy but he refused, what a jerk...then some blonde girl called me a "slutty goth whore" so i almost beat her ass...>.> damn i wish i did

um, lesseee what else....I saw Zak!!! I was so happy!!! even though he didn't save me from being molestered, either :( stupid Antonio and his grabby hands

my mom was so giggly today, i don't get it. oh well.

and um....lesseeeeeeeeeeeeeee nothing else! bye bye!thank you!
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Sunday, August 27, 2006

   mm hmm
just a quick follow up on last time's topic:

-I didn't mean to insinuate that women who have abortions don't feel guilty: that's another reason to NOT have one. And Adoption can be so sad. So the best way to ensure that neither circumstance occurs, either don't have sex at all until you're at least old enough to take care of any...circumstances that may later occur, and definately don't be slutty about it. and if you DO have sex, use a LOT of protection. the pill AND condomns.

anyway, i feel pretty let down today. a lot of people i care about have broken promises to me. And i absolutely hate school. I want to drop out, but that would be REALLY stupid. and yet i'm depressed this year is still going to be my last.

on the bright side, at least i have a math class i can, so far, understand. don't you hope mr. Matsumoto will let me go ahead of my level, since i am faster than the others.

sigh. oh! but today i saw an old friend from my old school at the mall! she's awesome!

and then i hung out with some kids i never met before. It was like...2 girls and 4 boys. they were a few years younger than me, and kinda punk-goth-emo. and, of course, otaku (which, in my mind, is becoming a sort of geeky thing to be, if you're like the otaku i know at school)

but how we met up was, i was sitting at a chair, mighty skillfully eating my Tokyo Joe's with chopsticks as i read one of the new manga i bought. one girl came up to me and said "hey that looks good!"

I said, "Huh? the manga or the food?"

and they said "both" so then we started talking, and then we hung around hot topic (where i bought black, footless tights, a NIN shirt, a cute shirt, a rainy shirt, and a shirt i forget what...heh heh. and a, um... B**beep**a. blue with skulls...i love skulls

we were at the pet store for a while, too. cute kittens!!!

but anyway, i feel like shit because there is no one in this world who truly cares. period.

not true, i know, i know it's not, but i just wanna go fucking....ok not "go fucking," go fucking...do something i probably shouldn't do, to verify this fear that nothing matters
thank you!
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Friday, August 25, 2006

   My thoughts on a couple controversial topic: Abortion
**points to subject**

if you aren't going to even hear out an opposing side, with an open mind, you don't have to read this. But if you disagree and you want to logically, calmly, and respectfully reply, i would love to debate!! or if you agree, that's great too!


Abortion

In my opinion, abortion is WRONG. And morning after pills/other contraceptive for "after the fact," is wrong. Maybe a morning after pill if you've been raped, but Abortion in any sense is wrong

I guess it's a feeling of "women's rights" vs. "life's right" and when you define life. Personally, I define life as beginning in the womb. But even if it didn't start till birth, if you have an abortion, you are taking away an innocent person's RIGHT to live. They may not be born yet, but this person could change the world, and if it were me, i'd never take that right away from someone.

Also, it's about personal responsibility. If you are raped, take a morning after pill (go to the doctor, then the cops), and rape is a case in which i can sort-of see abortion, because rape is a HORRIBLE thing to go through. I kind of would rather die.


Anyway, rape is one thing, but if you CHOOSE to have sex, and get pregnant (or get a girl preggo), it's my opinion that you should take responsibility for your actions. If you just kill someone who had no choice in the matter, that's like running away. If you really don't want the kid, fine, give it up for adoption. There are MILLIONS of people that want to have a kid, but can't. Don't take the kid's chance away because you don't want to deal with your own mess.

I think even high school/teen parents can take care of a kid. It's incredibly hard, but not impossible. I don't think one should consider their pregnancy what killed their future. It's harder, but it's not impossible.

Resentment of a child, too, is very wrong. The kid has NO choice in the matter. If it were up to him, he'd have been born at a later time, too. But he was born because YOU decided to have sex, so don't blame HIM for YOUR mistake.

My friend had a baby at the beginning of her senior year...it was hard for her, but she never regretted her son, and in fact, she is GLAD she had him, just regrets being young.

Her baby's daddy was a complete asshole. First, he wanted her to get an abortion. She said "NO WAY! This is my problem, my responsibility, I will not do that to this baby."

then he wanted her to give it up for adoption (later, she discovered, so he could adopt it with his OTHER gf, who told my friend because the OTHER gf thought it was wrong, too) but my friend really did want her child.

and she's a GOOD mom. Her son is the most darling little boy imaginable. he's SO happy~ ^__^

and as for teenage moms, that doesn't even...well, you know, my friend was about 5 months pregnant, and she had a miscarriage... :( she was scared, but she really was excited for her baby, and being responsible, and learning things, and saving money...but she lost it, and it broke her heart

So, if that baby is supposed to not be born, it won't. if it is, don't mess with it, and own up to your actions.

that's basically all it is. I feel very strongly on this, thoughthank you!
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Thursday, August 24, 2006

   Happier!
Thanks, guys!!! today WAS happier :) luckily!

haha! we had an assembly this morning, and on the powerpoint, there was that DAMN picture of me milking the cow.

Kedar even came up to me and asked, "Was that YOU milking the cow, Julie?" XD Mayte said "it sure was!" and he was like, "I knew it!"

that kid is ADORABLE! he even helped me set up my locker!

anywho. tomorrow i have an hour and a half free in the morning :( gya. technically, 2 hours.

as for whatever, I am not fighting with Antonio anymore!! we hung out today! he was even there when my mom got home (without me!) sleeping on my bed. LOL

I'm just so glad his hair isn't pink.

in other news, I miss Tamara. **cries**

so how you guys been??? up to anything fun?

What's your favorite kind of pudding?thank you!
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