Friday, July 28, 2006

   of course i'm not engaged
yes, yes, minna-sama!!! I agree!!! 17 is too young to get married...i'm not really!! XD jeez!!! AND I AM MOST OFFENDED BY xxdymondheartxx FOR QUESTIONING MY INTELLIGENCE

ANYWAY, yesterday sucked, basically/ i couldn't bring myself to wake up until 4 pm... :( i'm never gonna get back on track!!!

then antonio came over at like 11:30 pm, and we kind of fought a lot. i pissed him off. luckily, he's a forgiving person!!! i have so much to apologize for...

but yeah, he got sick from my cats, so i was up during the night babying him, poor thing. And then, he started talking about his old girlfriends, which i don't like.

then i started thinking about the shit that was my life, and i made the mistake of breaking down and crying and telling him what's been wrong with me forever. Maybe i'll tell you the whole story sometime, but it really hurt when he said the words that i feel the most outloud...and even worse when he turned his back on me and fell asleep!!! but i don't blame him. Who would want to deal with a crying, sobbing, drooling girl, dripping nose and all, at 4:30 am?

however, he did comfort me until i was quiet. if any good came of it all, i kind of realized how i really feel.

(In 7 words: Lonely, forgotten, passed-over(hyphen makes it 1 word), rejected, worthless, unworthy, inferior.

Mostly "lonely" and "inferior."
:( so i'm not in the best mood...especially since i had to take my cats to the vet and they drive me nuts, always "meow meow"

sigh... what was I thinking? I traded my happiness so that my friend could be happy, i gave up my hope and heart for his sake, and he doesn't even talk to me anymore...i miss my friend, dammit!!! >:O

cough cough gotta go, i'll be at your sites laterthank you!
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Thursday, July 27, 2006

   Julie...Engaged?!
xxDymondHeartxx got me thinking of this...because of "Harlequin"

here's some of the lyrics to:

PANIC! AT THE DISCO

"Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off"

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls,
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?


Today, as I was watching Divorce Court with Antonio, I got proposed to!!! o.o wow!

Here's how it happened...

Me: "Who the hell lets their 17 year old daughter get married, and then tries to break up the marriage?"

Antonio: "Hey, Julie! Let's get married!"

Me: "Eh?! uh...**thinks** okay!!! ^__^"

Antonio: "In December, okay?"

Me: "December? We'll both still be 17..."

Antonio: "Yeah, so? We can go on a road trip down to Las Vegas over winter break!"

Me: "Ok!!!"

Antonio: "But you pay for it, okay?"

Me: "ok."

Antonio: "and the rings."

Me: "Ok"

Antonio: "I'll buy the cake, and I'll be the wedding band!"

Me: LOL "yeah, i'll have my crappy ass video camera, and I can give it to the Elvis-priest to hold while we do the wedding dance and the cake and all"

Antonio: "No, I want a clown-priest"

Me: "Whatever"

_----------------------------_

haha. what an interesting wedding THAT will be... I'm pretty sure Antonio was kidding, although I'll think he's kidding and then he brings it up and expects it and cries if i deny it.

So we shall see. It wouldn't be the worst situation, married to Antonio. Although i can't say i want to be shackled away in the bonds of holy matrimony so young... ><
yuck.

LOL but my wedding video -whenever and if, ever, it gets made- is going to be a riot!!! (as in hilarious. I hope no riots break out at my wedding)

Anyway, on to more pressing matters, don't you just hate throwing up?? (today has been a stupid day)thank you!
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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

   Green hair, oh my, it's everywhere!
If you were not aware, i have green hair dye!!! But I won't have it for long, now, as I am using it!!! Apple green, and i hope it looks good... >< i like green, though.



there it is:



i was irritated that it took like an hour for my hair to bleach (i should have gone longer, but i was too annoyed to wait any more) and now i just wait for it to turn green...semi-permanently.

Anyway, today was no big deal, got up at 2, went to animal shelter, came home, dyed hair. blah. I'll put a picture up when i get one!

As you can see, my site has a new layout! It is Tokito, from Samurai Deeper Kyo! she is my favorite character in all of manga (or anime, or anything else! She rocks!)

I think it's because Tokito-sama and i are so much alike. She was not top priority on her father's list, she rejects people's feelings and cares mostly about herself, she puts up a mean exterior but she's really just kind of lost, she likes to play games with people's minds, she laughs at misfortune, and she rules over "time" (if i could, i would chose that "element" for me)
but MOST importantly...she's a foulmouthed brat which is JUST like me ^__^

But my new avatar is Hotaru (or Keikoku) from SDK. He's also a lot like me, because he's an idiot, basically. He doesn't pay a lot of attention, he isn't really violent, he is easily distracted, he forgets a lot...that's like me, too

I like Akira a lot, too, but he isn't really like me. He's too polite. :)

anyway, I hope you like the new layout!!! And the pics at the top! the lil girl falling asleep reminds me of math class! and the pic of the SDK characters is so cute!!!

if you look at it, you can see a pink haired "girl" behind a towel and a horrified boy...it's funny cos the "girl" is really a man in drag... ^__^ imagine THAT at the beach!

(OH! And BTW, the music is by Asian Kung-Fu Generation, my favorite japanese band)thank you!
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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT, DAMMIT
my reason for everything. Maybe. Anyway, today was frustrating. I went to SLEEP at about 8:30 am and got up at about 12:30 pm, then managed to roll my whale body up and into the shower, when Antonio called! (he always calls when i'm in the shower. I think it's some perverted ESP) but I didn't answer...it's a strange sense of foreboding.

Then, I got dressed, and went downtown to visit my dear friend Zak! because his 18th birthday was last week and i haven't seen him in a while. He works downtown at the "glow" shop. We talked for about an hour and 30 minutes...pretty fun!!! I gave him japanese yummies and a gift card to Barnes And Noble...

then I came back, after a short stop at my dear friend NIGHT's house!!! She is so cute!!! ^__^ her hair is all blonde and turquoise!!! And yeah! I saw her sister-in-law and her big bro and nephew and mom and dad...they're HILARIOUS!!! Her nephew is about 5 months old and SO damn cute even though he doesn't like me and cries whenever i talk to him (:( and i like kids!) but yeah. Disappointment was, my film pictures from Japan didn't turn out so good, most of them. :( stupid crappy camera!

anyway!! ne? I came home about 9 pm...or so!!! got on the computer, and was SLEEPY! I was so happy that i could maybe be on a normal schedule again!!! I went to bed at 9:15 and was out by 9:30...and having a WONDERFUL! dream of Samurai Deeper Kyo (mainly Yuan's family to be exact!!!)

When...what should rumble my rest but I don't even know what! I was sleeping so soundly that it's a miracle I woke up. Honestly, I don't think i heard the damn phone (which rests about a foot away from me when i sleep)ringing...or, well, playing the song that is my ringtone (it's by panic! at the disco)

But as if by miracle, or at least reflex, i grabbed the phone, and answered it, "Moshi moshi?" on accident! (whoops) to Antonio's, "Hello? What?? Speak ENGLISH, dammit"

Since I was still half asleep, i was retarded! more than normal. But I managed a, "What's up?" and he said, "Can your mom come pick me up and drive me home? I got too much crap to carry all the way home...I'll pay her like $10"

turns out, he had gotten off work, gotten PAID, and gone shopping to buy a new amp...which turned into a new amp, cereal, a pillow, new boxers, new socks, a new MP3 player, gatorade, and a couple other bags of other crap i don't remember. He was at fuckin' WalMart, so that explains it. I don't think anyone can go in there and buy ONLY what they were looking for.

Lucky for him, my mom wasn't in the shower YET, although she was just starting the water when i asked her. She was happy to do it, i guess, even though it was like 10:30 at night.

We got there at about 10:45, and found Antonio with a whole cartfull of stuff...piled it into the backend of my mom's suburu outback (oh, btw, i was outta my pj's and into the clothes i'd worn that day) and then we ran back inside, because my mom and i both wanted a couple CD's and she wanted to look at school supplies. I was falling asleep and bitching at Antonio. oh well.

He also had made a few other purchases, like a stupid pipe that he complained i didn't even look at when he showed it to me, and a guitar tuner, and some other crap i forget what it was.

Yeah. So we took him home while he explained his adventures of the day...he leads an interesting life. At his house, i helped take in the stuff he bought, and then he paid my mom, who didn't want it, so she gave it to me to spend on him.

By the time we got home, i was hungry, so i ate some salad, watched south Park, and listened to my CD. Also, i read some manga...

the moral of the story is, it's now 2 am, and i CAN'T SLEEP. Again. sigh...damn this insomnia!! Damn that Antonio for ruining my chance to get back on schedule!!!!!! lol oh well.

jaaa minna-sama!!!!! kyotsukete ne!!!!!! <3<3

ah!!! here are some pics from Japan!!!


thank you!
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Monday, July 24, 2006

   Insomnia strikes again...Damn
Go to hell, damn insomnia! Ever since i returned from Japan, my schedule for sleep has ranged from sleeping 22 hours straight (no food, no water, no potty, NOTHING) to not sleeping for 2 days, to sleeping normal, to sleeping 20 hours to not sleeping.

Last night...or, more like Saturday night, I could not fall asleep till 4 am sunday. (Friday night, i didn't sleep till 4 or 5 am Saturday.) Sunday, I woke up around 1 pm. I had a date with Antonio after that, so i had to be awake and I even dressed up (i'm such a slob, it took forever), wearing one of my "hooker outfits" although i don't think my mother is in the position to complain about them, since she bought me the damn skirts and the boots.

Anyway, and yeah, Sunday night, I got obsessed with Samurai Deeper Kyo and reading English translations of novels i already have in Japanese. So i have given up on a decent amount of sleep...maybe an hour? then, i'll force myself to sleep like a normal person.

Anyway-Anyway, a few things: A.) I am more happy with the end result of Samurai Deeper Kyo...I'd thought the "epilouge" was 12 years later...it's actually only 3, and prior to that, during their fight, there is less...ambiguity...to Kyo's "true feelings" for Yuya.

B.) More on my favorite SDK chara laters!!

Oh, but it was horrible. next time i wear my skimpy ass Goth clothes out, I should bring something to cover it with!!! Of course I realize it's my own fault, but REALLY! a LOT!!!!!! of people, uh, leered, at me today :( honking cars, shouts, whistles. All men are pigs if the girl's dressed like a slut. Jeez. But I felt better once i was with Antonio. (although, in my defense, the skirt was almost fingertip length and I had pantyhose and shorts on underneath)

But we were going to watch "Child's Play..." but i was bored!!! stupid frickin Chuckie...

Speaking of which!!! It reminds me of a "joke" photo by LordSesshomaru!!!!!! it's a "personal ad by Gaara of Naruto" and he says he looks like Chuckie!!!

Right now i think i must look like Gaara, being that i'm so damn tired...ok, soon i'll sleep. But I wanna look like Tokito!!!!!!! She's my favorite anime character of all!!!!! thank you!
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Friday, July 21, 2006

   welp, i survived Japan!
just a short message saying, I'm back! wait it doesn't say that at all!! what kind of a business is this??

nevermind. anyway, i haven't got much time, but i just thought i'd say hiya!!!! and i'll get some japan pics up soon, kay? :)

oh and Japan was super fun! you all must go there if you come across the oppourtunity!!! i myself will be going back there next summer, with my very best friend Tamara!!! unless i fuck up and get pregnant...but if that happens, i will wonder why, because i don't have sex. (I just like kids. yummy)

and why does everyone think i'm a slut? at least they don't think i'm canadian (just kidding), but for the real, everybody in Japan thought i was australia jin!!! >< oi! is it the "no worries" crap??

I have so many questions. what a moron, i truly am!!! but i have smexy goth boots, so i don't care.

love!thank you!
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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

   lust isn't love, but it's a lot more fun
**points to subject** the long version is: Lust may not be love, but it's a lot easier and a ton more fun

and, unfortunately, it's true. Lust is physical beauty, in a way. Skin deep, burning hotter for that touch, the prickly skin and dark shadowey eyes. With love, you have to worry incessently about someone else's happiness, and protecting them, and sacrificing.

You can't deny that it's EASIER to go out and hook up (all the way up, or not) with someone than go out to find someone you want to love for your whole life.

You have to admit that it feels better to get laid (whether you know it or not) than to get your heart broken into a thousand pieces.

In some ways, i prefer lust over love, but it's like anything else American: i want it now, i want it here, fuck the future, fuck morality, and fuck everything else. If it takes time and effort, i don't want it.

But in the long haul, love is far better. it hurts a LOT more, and personally, i get more miserable IN love than OUT. But every human desires -needs- the sort of intimacy of love that lust cannot compare to.

Hardcore lust leads to loneliness, and i think it comes from a growing desire and need for human contact. If one cannot have love, have its inferior second cousin, Lust. The facade of caring, ya know?

With love, you can know something horrifying or idiotic about someone, and not even care. and vice versa. Love brings more good feelings in the heart, whereas lust brings good feelings in the body.

Don't misunderstand, you need lust to come with romantic love, because if you don't want to touch each other, that's nothing more than glorified friendship.

Sigh. Love is too complicated. but it's not that BULLSHIT "never having to say you're sorry" crap. Seriously!! what the hell is up with that?? I may know someone loves me, but if they do something, they sure as hell had better apologize, and i'll apologize, too, if i do something. >.>

sorry guys, this stems from DymondHeart's comment, and also from my own growing anxiety. I leave for Japan thursday, gone 3 weeks, and Antonio has a job, and we won't be in school together anymore, so we're sort of-kind of not going to see each other very much at all

NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT WORK TUESDAY NIGHTS (once i get a job) REMEMBER CREATIVE WRITING: 5-8:30 pm?

<3thank you!
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Sunday, June 18, 2006

   father's day!
yay fathers, the men who managed to donate the genetic material to bring us into this miserable existance...thank you!

(*sarcasm)

anyway, i shall tell you a thing or two:
LS: probably you won't read this anyway, but in case you do, I'm not saying all cops are bad, just the ones i've known. the good cops stay away from me, i guess

and sluts are just pathetic. wasting their potential to be "appealing" to something/someone who won't care about them...it's so sad.

oh yeah! anyway, back to Father's Day, it's my cousin TJ's first as a father!!! His son, T3 (i call him that) was born last week, on Tuesday!! yay! even though TJ is a closed-minded redneck, congrats to him, cos a baby is happy news either way.

and a lot of my friends are either pregnant or already have a kid. Mostly, they're in High school. some are out. but it's kind of sad, i think. a few of them aren't sluts, it just happened. but a few more, i hate to say, ARE.

and then there's Heather. she's 17, going to be a senior in high school, her BF graduated high school at age 20 this year, and they fight ALL the time. he's supposedly good looking, and she wants to keep him (desperately) but this is how he thinks he can save their relationship:

"Have a Kid"

is that not UTTERLY ridiculous?????

do any of your friends have kids? do you?thank you!
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Saturday, June 17, 2006

   things that suck.
yes. suck. One of the many common, brilliant one-word phrases in my vocabulary, along with fancy, cool, awesome, yup, LOL, crappy, punk, stupid, lame, boring, haha, and, of course, kick-ass. well, that's 2 words. but you get the idea

two things come to mind now:
COPS! and SLUTS

maybe you never knew, but i have never met a cop i liked. probably, there are some out there, but those i have had the misfortune to encounter have been bumbling, idiotic fools. And, ah! shall we forget, racist? i've only ever seen white cops, i think, anyway. Once, Antonio was going to his mom's car to get a soda on the way to school, and a cop saw him. the cop then arrested him at the bus stop 2 blocks away for "breaking into someone's car."

he said "but i live there" and they basically treated him like a criminal, when he'd only taken a frickin pop. So, they dragged him home -roughly- then knocked on his door, but of course his mom was dead-asleep cos she works all night. eventually, they knocked on her bedroom window enough to wake her up. She was pissed off for that when she opened the door, then even more to see Antonio with the cops.

she said "what'd he do now?" and they asked if he is her son, to which she replied yes. THEN the assholes were like "oh." unhandcuffed him, and left. not even any apologies!!!

i have a ton of stories on why cops suck, but that was first into my mind

second, on to SLUTS. I'm not talking about girls, only. Boys can be major sluts too, although i WILL admit, i do fall victim to believing the double standard TO A POINT

I mean, come on, NOBODY should be sleeping around or flirting or hooking up all the time with different strangers. maybe it's worse for a girl cos she's got more to lose, or should i say more to gain, such as a BABY that she doesn't even know the daddy's name.

Not really in high school or younger, but having sex IS ok, i believe, even out of wedlock. not a lot or casually, but with one person in a seriously committed relationship is acceptable. and if you're in high school, don't be too quick to give it away. use all the protection you can get your paws on, and be in a relationship for at least like a year.

anyway, onto sluts. I hate it when girls DRESS with everything and a half hanging out. it's disgusting, only perverts want to see that. and it's just like...what the hell. how is that even fashionable?

but i hate it, too, when people are super flirts. it's annoying. especially this one slutty little whore who USED to talk to my bf (i don't think they do anymore... o.o he said he got rid of all but 4 people, i dunno if she's on there)

she'd leave messages on myspace like "love you lots hunni bunni ~~hugz n kissez~~" natuarlly, this pissed me off big time. What kind of SLUTTY ASS WHORE talks like that, especially to people they've never even met, who have girlfriends, who don't even give a shit about you?? >< she's so...ugh. flirtatious!! she thinks she's the shit, and yeah, she's pretty, but ANYBODY can put up a pretty picture and flirt online and act cool. could be a COMPLETE loser in real life. especially if she's so "hot and popular" but no one wants to date her.

lol, it's like my friend Matt-nii used to say: "i don't get how these people can be ghetto-fab, slutty, ridiculing, drug abusing, mean, irresponsible jerks, and STILL be considered the 'good Christian' "

**nods** he's a smart guy, Matt-niithank you!
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Friday, June 16, 2006

   woot. -.-
yeah...

um! okay, so today, Antonio and I went to the mall. the FAR AWAY mall on the other side of Denver. in Aurora. the Aurora mall. it's actually a fairly decent place. clean, at least, has a pet store, chick-fil-a, hot topic, an arcade, and ebgames.

we had a lovely time, yes yes. I wanted this one kitten who looked like my cat did when he was a baby, but she was evil <3 so cute. i would look at her and she'd hiss.

Anywhoo...we walked around, and our first stop had been EBgames where I'd JOKINGLY offered to buy him a HelloKitty game for gamecube (still not sure if he has one) and he wanted to take me up on that offer, but i didn't have enough, so i bought him Metal Gear Soldier 3: Snake Eater (or something, i don't like video games) we were making fun of each other, fake "GASP!"ing and stuff, when the store clerk asked us if we were okay. yes yes, we bought the game, but neither of us had the ID to prove that we're over 17. so he asked for Antonio's bday, no problem.

Also, i never knew that Chik-fil-A gives 1 free refil o.o amazering!

then we went to GameStop for no reason, but the clerk guy was saying "yeah, my last gf got revenge on me by shooting my PS2 and games all full of holes"

...

LOL. i wanted to fucking shoot my brains out on the bus. It's about a 75 minute ride from the mall to the stop near my house >< and for the first, i dunno, 30 minutes or so, there were these IDIOT MORON RETARD girls in the back, 4 or 5 of them

they were, i don't know, 14 or 15, and from Cherry Creek, which, if you don't know is where these primarily rich, preppy, white kids live. Nothing wrong with being white, but they're like the fucking OC minus the bad-assness. it's so lame.

these girls were hispanic, but they had the same valley-girl tone, high pitched voice, and same "Oh mah GAWD! i love those shoes, they are lyke so adorable!" (i swear they said that)

and Antonio and I were sitting near the front, looking at everyone be annoyed by those girls. They were also talking to some guy back there, and he was all actin all cool with them. He even said, "y'all know i'm going to ask for your phone numbers, right?" and those little...IDIOTS!...gave him their numbers. (when i finally looked back there, i saw that the guy was NO younger than 20, probably more like 25. o.O)

and yeah it was pretty funny when they were yelling "Oh mah Gawd! where are we?" one of them got off and Antonio muttered "hopefully she gets murdered"

that's when i saw the guy and i was like "well, it may happen yet!"

yeah. fucking MORONS! ><


ANYWAY!!! I leave for Japan on June 22, 2006. 1 week and counting!thank you!
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