Tuesday, May 6, 2008

   home...sick
I haven't wanted to go home this badly in forever

I feel so lonely, isolated, and sick. I miss my room and bed and pets and friends and family and Antonio.

I miss my yard, my kitchen, my basement, familiarity and connections. I love Portland, but God knows there's no place like home.

I miss my non-meddling friends, even though everything's changed.

When I think of everything that has changed in the last year, everything I've lost, everything that's going to change and I'm going to lose in the coming year, and all that's slowly slipping away right now...I've gained things, too, but not, as I see it, as much as I've lost...

Growing up and all, but goodbye is so hard. I'm probably going to lose my cats within a year, my grandparents, and Antonio because sometimes I get so paranoid that he's cheating on me it's all I can think of.

If he's cheating, fuck it, fuck him, he's trash to me. But that's a horrible thing to say, especially about someone I care so much about. I won't be with someone who would/does cheat on me, who doesn't care about me, but for 3 years I've been with him.

And then, I'll be moving here in September. So, I'll have no home for real. I'll be somewhere in between. My mom is moving to Indiana in like a year and a half...

sorry. just had to vent...thank you!
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Monday, May 5, 2008

   so, it wasn't pink eye AFTER ALL
...it is Mono, the "kissing" disease...which is quite contagious and you don't get it from kissing...well, you can, but most people don't. God knows where I picked it up from.

But i feel pretty shitty. not only did i have to say bye to my mom today, I feel really ill, homesick, and tiiiiiired.

can't focus (my poor lab write up is suffering, what'd it ever do to anyone?)

I didn't really get to do too much with my mom, on account of me feeling sick and tired all the time. At least it isn't painful for me to swallow (no comments please) anymore.

I'll have some lovely pictures up for y'all probably at the end of the week. I'm afraid I've got 3 major tests one right after another this week, so I'm stressing...

kinda ._.

take care =Dthank you!
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Thursday, May 1, 2008

   why don't they have a lil face for pink eye?
cos I, like the weird corner-rabbit in the petstore, had gunk all around my eye. Worried it was pink eye conjunctivitis, and the doctor peoples said, "yeah, probably."

Fuck. I ain't nevah had the pink eye before.

it just comes with the virus, i guess. Antonio got me sick. totally worth it, I think, but still >:)

anyway i'm missing class, again, fuck, oh well...

don't mind me.

But my mommy is here -^^ I'm so happy to see her, after not seeing her in a long time.

And my froggie is a boy, after all. i thought it was female, and then yesterday, it just starts croaking at me.

I expected a croak to be more bullfroggy, but it's really a kind of light thump.

oh well. not that it matters. just that Ha-Nul is a he, not a she. But so far, Faulkner still appears to be female, which is good. Because rodents have nasty gigantic testicles I kinda hate to see.

ohhh cute gerbil <3thank you!
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Thursday, April 24, 2008

   cat videos


I love this video a little too much. I know the words by heart (almost)...my favorite parts are
"dogs are more nice to us but they don't fall off stuff as much," "they're the mascots of our lives," "yeah, i'm crazy...nobody likes me." "cats who think birds are their babies" "cats who like to be spanked," "and they dance dance dance," "if i was full of crap I don't think i'd write a song"

xD love that video!!!


this video, i don't care, BUT I LOVE!!! the song!!! it's the new NIN song, brand new =D i think it's awesome. I can relate to it very muchly, too...

Am I - Am I still tough enough?
Feels like I'm wearing down, down, down, down, down
Is my viciousness,
Losing ground, ground, ground, ground, ground?
Am I taking too much?
Did I cross the line, line, line?
I need my role in this
Very clearly defined

(Chorus)
I need your discipline,
I need your help
I need your discipline,
You know once I start I cannot help myself

And now it's starting up,
Feels like I'm losing touch
Nothing matters to me,
Nothing matters as much

I see you left a mark,
Up and down my skin, skin, skin
I don't know where I end,
And where you begin

(Chorus1)

I can not stop myself.
Once I start I can not stop myself.

(x7)And you knew,
That once I start I can not stop myself.

(Chorus2)
I need your discipline,
I need your help.
I need your discipline
Because once I start I cannot stop myself.

^_^

that's all, i'm boringthank you!
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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

   love fucking sucks
Antonio was here for 10 days and it was SOOOO much fun!!!!

I love him so much!!!

But those 10 days honestly felt like 3. It wasn't enough; I'm gonna miss him so freaking much I started bawling this morning. And it doesn't help that we had a huge fight last night...

or, it was me being all emotional and hormonal and crap, having a mental breakdown.

but it's okay. it was fun. he said he had fun. he should be calling me once he gets back ^^

thursday my dad is gonna visit, and then next weds. my mom is ^^ busy girl, da ne?

picture time!!!


JaeHee, me, Emily at pirate store


Emily, me, TJ


Jae Hee, Azusa, Tomohiko, Emily. I took this one and it rocks my socks


Emily, Jae Hee, me, Azusa ^^



Jaehee, Emily, me


Jae Hee, Azusa, Emily, me in back =D


kawaii

aren't we cute?thank you!
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Thursday, April 10, 2008

   save the drama fo' yo' momma
so this girl on our floor, Megan, she's a fuckin' BITCH.

She'll be all nice to someone's face, and say HORRIBLE things about them behind their back. Like, in December, when Kelsi (Megan's next door) got her room flooded (probably by Megan and Megan's dumbass friends), Megan said, "Yeah, but she kind of deserved it."

WHAT!?!?! no one deserved that, not even Megan!!! 15 gallons of dirty water that took a long fucking time to dry. and she "deserved it" for telling on Corey, the fat drunk SOB who pisses everyone off?

Fucking. shit.

And then, this bitch Megan, yesterday was talking in her (and Kelsi's) mentor session about my (and Kelsi's) friend, TJ. TJ used to be Megan's friend, but not any more.

Megan was saying that all TJ does is hang out with Josh (someone on our floor) and smoke pot. "he's a total stoner" she said.

That's a bold fucking stupid lie!!! First of all, TJ doesn't even hang out with Josh! I don't even know if he KNOWS Josh!!! Second, TJ doesn't smoke pot -EVER. Third, TJ is the nicest guy ever, and anyone who would believe that is completely stupid and doesn't know TJ. TJ hangs out with me, Emily, and Kelsi the most -and we DON'T SMOKE. (well, Emily does, I guess, sometimes).

Kelsi told Megan, "You know I'm TJ's friend, right?"

and Megan replied, "Yeah, I don't give a shit."

o_o fucking bitch. it's gonna get back to TJ. He'll probably laugh it off, and he knows it ain't true, and that we know it isn't true. but it still pisses me off.

Yeah, and then, I'm wondering if she's said anything about me. Cos, she acts fakey with me, too. And, I hang out with TJ, Emily, and Kelsi a LOT. And, I WAS (before they moved) hanging out with Chris and Zac a LOT LOT LOT. So, she's probably starting a rumor that I'm a slut or something.

Fucking bitch.

>:(

Sorry, I had to rant. she pisses me off. 2 faced people, people who start drama, people who make up ridiculous rumors -they ALL piss me off. they're shit to me.

fuck.thank you!
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Tuesday, April 8, 2008

   watashi nemui ne~!
this weekend, some kids from the 7th floor and I (on friday) went to eat Indian food and gelato. it was pretty yummy, and a fun night. Amanda and I stayed up talking really late =D we scared ourselves talking about ghosts and her ouija board. and there were some cute Asians smoking on the fire escape xD


Saturday, I went to the Farmer's Market with Amanda, Nancy (7th floor RA), and TJ, which was fun ^^ after that, it was off to Powell's bookstore, where I stayed for over 2 hours and read all of "Go Ask Alice." Which is a fucked up book about a fucked up girl. It was interesting. Not the greatest book, but interesting. the writing kinda sucked. From there, TJ and I went to the music store (BEST place ever!), Taco Bell, and Fred Meyer, an ACTUAL NON SHITTY GROCCERY STORE!!! =O it was so nice seeing actual aisles of actual food; i hate safeway.

Then we came back and watched "Kill Bill" with Emily and her Japanese conversation partners, Azusa-san and Tomohiko-san, and Jae-hee (i think that's how you spell it) who is a Korean student and really nice. It was fun, but "Charlie" showed up and he's a weirdo. and damn annoying. Emily and I, who both study Japanese, get really irritated with a lot of wanna-be Japanese speakers. as Emily so wisely put it:

"They get into their anime, they decide they're going to study Japanese, they get into the class and realize it takes some actual effort to learn, decide they don't want to work for it, drop out, and then ACT like they're competent."

xD

but then, anyway, Sunday, Emily, TJ, and I went to Safeway. TJ was DRUNK. xD haha it was funny. and then, um, let's see...

Kelsi, Emily, TJ, Azusa-san, Tomohiko-san, and Jae-Hee, and I all played Apples to Apples, which can be really fun.

oh. And Antonio will be here on Saturday!!! I'm so excited!!!!!

xD!!!!!!!!!!!! AGH!!!!!!!!!!!! **fangirl scream** Today, my new NIN album/CDs are shipping!!! Ghosts!!! It's the all instrumental, highly visual/visual inspired album~~~~~~~ I love Trent Reznor <3 how can he be almost 43 already? =(

OHHH LOL yesterday, Derek, Laura and Corinna (twins), and I were watching Tonari no Totoro (My Neighbor Totoro), and CAT BUS HAS BALLS!!!!! LMAO!!!!!!!!!! then, we spent a lot of time watching tv-shopping-networks making fun of them


Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


CatBus. greatest thing EVER


cute cat.thank you!
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Friday, April 4, 2008

   Goodbye, little friend...
Yesterday morning, my pet rabbit Spookie died. At least it wasn't a long, drawn out, painful death: he went quietly in his sleep. In a way, it didn't surprise me. He was really old for a bunny, almost nine years old.

But, still. It made me pretty sad. I really love Spookie. I got him as a 10th birthday present way back in 5th grade. And it made me really sad to think that I didn't get to say goodbye, that I didn't spend as much time with him as I wish I had, that I didn't take better care of him.

It also sucks that April 2 is the day my dog Harry (i grew up with that dog) died in 2000. And in 2002, Pops (grandfather-figure) died.

But, anyway, poor little Spookie. My mom at least had the respect to take him to the vet's to be cremated. When the guinea pig and other rabbit died, we just threw them away (LOL). we only had them a few months, though, so I guess...yeah.

it's going to be weird going home and not having a bunny to take care of, to talk to and feed treats to. But, Spookie always had a little crush on my cat Lain (who died in May last year), so now he can be with her ^^

sigh.





















my bunny <333

August 12, 1999 - April 3, 2008

...

and, in totally opposite news, today is (my sister) Tamara's birthday!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, you!!!!thank you!
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Thursday, April 3, 2008

   onaka ga peko peko nda!!!
>_>

I should go get dinner.

But that would entail wearing pants. I hate wearing pants. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I get a roommate again xD I've gotten in the habit of, when my room is just me, taking my clothes off.

Oh dear.

Antonio is gonna be here April 12. I'm excited.

But, then, more importantly, tomorrow is...MY SISTER'S BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TAMARA!!!!!!!! I <3 you to the extreme!!!!

i made her these






^^ I love her.thank you!
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Wednesday, April 2, 2008

   growing brains
^^

Today, my friend from high school, a Mr. Dave Aguado -kun, called me. LOL I was in the shower, so it was like **shifty eyes** talk.

we had a good time reminiscing about high school. We were really good friends; he's a great person. I can't believe it's already been almost a year since we graduated! Everyone's on a different path, now. We're all so far apart and changing so much.

I knew it was inevitable that we would lose contact, my friends and I. My classmates. Very few people stay in contact with even half of the people they went to high school with. And, I've grown a bit, too. So, I'm okay.

It just makes me a little nostalgic, you know? I'm getting to the point where all those horrible memories from high school are fading, and I can remember all the good stuff more prominently, more fondly. Even the bad things are like silly annecdotes. They don't matter. Things that once tore me apart and drove me crazy and made me so upset, even now I can look back and laugh.

Middle school, I remember even now, was a bad time. I have very few fond memories of that hellhole. But, the thing is, I'm beginning to forget the bad. Which scares me; I have a thing for remembering. I like to. I've always been a forgiving person -it's EXTREMELY rare for me to hold a grudge. But forgetting is entirely different.

But you know what? I'm happy, so who cares! I'm a little sad that everything is so far away and so long ago and seems so good now, but I'm happy that I am able to realize how good it was. I guess it's like they say, "You can't see the forest for the trees."

^_^ I hope that, when and if I'm old, I can look back on my entire life with such fondness. I want to have happy memories and forge strong relationships my whole life through. I also want to help people and nature live in harmony. And I want kids =D maybe one or two biological children, but also adoption, since I want a lot of kids but I think the world is way too overpopulated.

I hope the future goes well for all of us ^^thank you!
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