Thursday, March 17, 2005

   YES!
I am done with CSAP till the day I die! NO MORE STANDARDIZED TESTING! unless it's ACTs and SATs but they can go fuck it up their ass.

anyway, hello long time no see! look at my new pixies! beautiful that I drew ne?

here's a rant:

WHY do people fuck around so young? my friend, who is very gay, (but he likes chicks too) said his summer between 6th and 7th grade held his first experience. and he got a girl pregnant~! so he's in 10th grade with a three year old daughter

what's up with middle schoolers acting like drunken college idiots? they should cherish their chastity not give it away like a cheap birthday present~

i don't see the big fuss about dating either. you get grief from someone who you're either gonna marry or break up with and either way it gives you a headache. sure you love 'em but then you get all nasty paranoid and anxious...

it sucks ass dating. I have done it a couple of times, never been kissed, and frankly, I DON"T GIVE A SHIT. i have friends kissing Cubans and Puerto Ricans and calling them "the Cuban" or "the Puerto Rican" it's like, couldn't you call him by his name, not the country of his birth? and if he's kissin and feelin up on you, you shouldn't be doing it in the first place!

PEOPLE! dating is so freaking...ugh. well, it's ok as long as you get your priorities in order: when you're 13, you're NOT going to marry your first lover. worry more about school than wether or not you're popular.

popular people, btw, SUCK. they're annoying. so freaking horny.

if you gotta do something something, then do it, I'm not gonna be all up in yo' face, but damned if I'm gonna let me become a whore like YOU!

(*a note: this is not directed at anyone here. it's directed at the majority of my school, who almost nobody is a virgin, and way too many girls are pregnant)thank you!
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Monday, March 14, 2005

   poem of the day
first of all, peeps are annoying. dude, no singing! no perky "hi how are you?"s! I know you don't care, and I don't care about you either...(not MyO people, I'm talking about classmates)

anyway, I dug this poem out of my backpack(you owe me, it STINKS in there) I doubt its worth, I wrote it randomly a long time ago and it makes no sense

HOLE

I was okay, I was good
Lived my life as well as I could
Smiled often, laughed a lot
Yet the sunshine was too hot
So when I found that hole
I climbed in, my body not my soul
Found it pleasantly cool
Even if it left me a lonely fool
It was dark and it was dirty
With my mind the dark turned flirty
Taking solice and salvation
Breaking, losing all elation
I fell into my own desparation
Thought I was stuck beneath creation
Until that hand it reached for mine
Without knowing, I found something divine
It saved me, loved me, then left me weak
Now its presence I still seekthank you!
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   hello
just a friendly hello before the bell rings...going to math next...CSAP (colorado student assessment p-something) our standardized test is this week...damn...but it's my last year at least...

hell, I wore my watch in the shower and there's the bellthank you!
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Sunday, March 13, 2005

   me ish sleepy
me ish sleepy, I should sleep. but I don't wanna, I hate it here, I'm edgy and nervous. I want to go home to my MOM's house...

anyway, i was outside and I found a rope with a noose tied into it on the ground beside the big tree and easily climbable swingset. I think my dad was trying to hang himself. I feel bad, but I don't think I can really do anything. I hope he doesn't kill himself, believe it or not.

well, here's a short poem to pass the time. It's NOT romantic:
PATIENCE

The angel sits in its corner
Waiting, wishing, praying it will find a home
Save its soul or go to hell
At least a place to rest its head

It makes a nest up in the sky
And waits for something to die
A playmate or enemy -both are fun-
The angel waits so far away
Trying to remember how to be good
The angel tries to fly away
-But finds its wings are dust-






thank you!
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Saturday, March 12, 2005

   another poem
I WANT YOU GUYS TO REVIEW THESE. ok? :)

as promised, it's a romance poem:
He Steals Me

Seeing, saying, "see ya later"
He secretly steals my heart away
My yearning earns me naught but nothing
And still I dream for his embrace
My soul flutters at his face
Smiling, happy, happy to see me?
No, just for my company, ah if only for more

I see him from a distance, and he sees back
But his sight is like the sea: it never comes back
So I'm left the only one longing
An outsider to myself while he's belonging
Resent him? No -I need him still-
He gives me hope I'll fall in love
Like I've already fallen

When we're together, doing dirty deeds
This torrid little love affair without love
He fucks me night by night and everyday
But there's no love -on his behalf-
Since I love him, I let him take me on a one way trip to hell
Because I love him -I become used-
It's so fun to be his whore
-While I long for him ever more-
He'll never love me like I love him
It's so lonely being his whore


~*GREY*~ Sad, deppressed and emotional. You see the
world in it's true colors and wonder if others
see it that way too or if they are all blinded
by power and corruption...


What Color of Mood are you?(ANIME PICS!!!)
brought to you by Quizilla

thank you!
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Friday, March 11, 2005

   poems!

i need to writes them somewhere....so here is as good a place as any...

first off is a love poem called: CAN'T STAND

Shaken, his legs are shaky and broken
Too injured to survive, he's lucky to be alive
Direction, close and with the past, he's naked in my eyes
He wants to leave the dying world
Though his soul is without salvation
He longs to become, someone better
Waits for him from sight
When the world falls away, they catch him
Falling apart, he relies on them
He is forgetting me
And now he can't stand on his own

~Julie~


tomorrow will be another, longer love poemthank you!
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   my favorite cd's/groups
I love Skinny Puppy, L'ame Immortelle, AFI, Persephone, NINE INCH NAILS!, Blutengel, Jimmy Eat World, Bad Religion, Anime soundtracks, Blink 182, Sublime, The Offspring, Current 93, DJ Sammy, Linkin Park, Tool, A Perfect Circle, and The Cure. But NIN, Skinny Puppy,AFI, and L'ame Immortelle are the best.

I have these cd's:















(tool Undertow)









there are more, I just know it. but I can't remember them, so this is all for nowthank you!
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   GOMEN NASAI
ok, I been whining a lot, and I'm sorry. But if you had a bad week on top of PMS you'd bitch too.

but if you don't know what it means to care about people who couldn't give a rat's ass about you, you're the luckiest person ever. I love so many people who don't care about me, and I really couldn't hurt someone I don't like. it's like unrequited love from everyone.

that much said, believe it or not, I'm generally happy. and if I'm not, I force myself to be. then I forget that I'm sad, and it all works out XD

lol, in all actuallity, I'm just PMSing, so please excuse my anger and rants. except the "damn you school" one. that's not whining, that's true.thank you!
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   damn you school
damn school....T.T why can't they let us leave class for FIVE FREAKIN MINUTES to take a potty stop?! Im dyin....and then there's the fact that they gave half of the bathrooms that were originally for students to teachers, (we used to have 2 student bathrooms on every floor) and the bathroom on one of those floors is almost always locked so we can't even get IN to do business.... >:(

and then there was teh NEW NICE library potties. so pretty....gave em to the teachers. it's ridiculous that teachers get over HALF of the bathrooms just because they think "we're dirty"

well, to that I must say: so deal; we do. you can get in whenever you want to anyway. you can say "hold on, ok I be back soon" and run. we have to wait between passing periods which barely give us enough time as it is, and wait behind a million other kids waiting to go potty. on top of no soap or toilet paper.

you know what?! I HAVE TO GO! AND I CANT!!! this is dehumanization right here.

i mean, yeah, a lot of kids grafiti and waste time in there, but not the majority of the school. they're punishing those of us who can't help it just to stop 5 whores who do.

to those of you who make us normal kids (read: kids who don't get cheap thrill off of defacing public property that's already crappy) look bad:

I HOPE YOU DIE!!! GRAFITI IS THE STUPIDEST THING ON EARTH! OHHH YOU WROTE "WEST SIDE!" ON A WALL, BIG FREAKING DEAL!!! NOW WHEN YOU ACTUALLY GO TO SCHOOL TO EDUCATE YOUR DUMBASS MIND, AND YOU GOTTA TAKE A PISS, YOU CAN'T!!!!

and then those morons complain about the bathroom conditions. DUH! if you'd TAKE CARE of your restrooms, they would BE NICE and even better, AVAILABLE. after you take a shit, PLEASE FLUSH. that's just nasty, no one wants to accidentally examine yesterday's lunch.


ok usually I'm not so angry but I gotta go......T>T


anyway, believe it or not I'm in a good mood....lol

I am just happy angry.... oh and my kitty is SO cute...he was sleepin on the covers with his head down and then weds. night, my doggie takato was under the covers....such cute babies


oh and people shouldn't use dergoetory terms. Like "n****r" or "wet-back" or "nip" or "cracker" or "camel jockey"

they're just stupid. YOU sound stupid when you say them. and if you're usin them, someone else is usin them against you. if you stop, eventually others will stop.

and I mean, it's one thing to use it as a bad thing. if you're just accustomed to calling people that, it's a bad habit, but if you don't mean something bad, it's not as bad. (except the n word. I get the urge to kill every time I hear it) just remember, every time you call somebody a name JUST BECAUSE OF THEIR RACE, you're hurting somebody, and you'll get it back in the end. so (well, I won't, yes I will. I want to say it)

also, happiness! I might go to costa rica this summer! it would be fun...I want to travel a lot. it'll look cool in my portfolio...:D

anyway, hello lunch!!!!!thank you!
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   I'm better so BLEAGH
I feel better now. I mean, life is still SHIT, and my dad (ok I'll rant about this) well my dad is a manic bastard.

he calls me on the phone weds. night CRYING about how he wants me to stay at his house again, because he's been taking care of me my whole life. i pitied him and said I'd spend friday night there.

what the fuck.

I called last night to say that I can't spend friday night there, but I will stay saturday night. he's like "whatever"

is that madness or what?

anyway, I'm happy I get stuff today! ok no I don't but I'm in a good moodthank you!
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