Friday, February 18, 2005

   NINE INCH NAILS LYRICS
God, I love this group...

oh and "closer" is like my whole fetish, if you know what I mean...domination baby

/NINE INCH NAILS LYRICS

"Closer"

you let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you
help me I broke apart my insides, help me I’ve got no soul to sell
help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god
you can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell
help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else
I want to fuck you like an animal
I want to feel you from the inside
I want to fuck you like an animal
my whole existence is flawed
you get me closer to god

through every forest, above the trees
within my stomach, scraped off my knees
I drink the honey inside your hive
you are the reason I stay alive/

/HURT

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that’s real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear my crown of s**t
On my liar’s chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stain of time
The feeling disappears
You are someone else
I am still right here
What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way/

/SOMETHING I CAN NEVER HAVE

I still recall the taste of my tears.
Echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
My favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
Scraping through my head ’till I don’t want to sleep anymore.

Come on tell me.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I’m down to just one thing.
And I’m starting to scare myself.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go way.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have

You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn’t do the things that I can do now.
This is slowly take me apart.
Grey would be the color if I had a heart.
I just want something I can never have.
In this place it seems like such a same.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it’s still the same
Everywhere I look you’re all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

Come on tell me.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go away.
I’m down to just one thing.
And I’m starting to scare myself.
Make this all go away.
You make this all go way.

I just want something.
I just want something I can never have
I just want something I can never have
Think I know what you meant.
That night on my bed.
Still picking at this scab
I wish you were dead.
You sweet and perry ellis.
Just stains on my sheets./

like the new song?
thank you!
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   nya~
minna...my dad called me last night saying thank you for the valentine's chocolates I mailed him, and he said he's given up on moving he just "misses me too much"

this shouldn't bother me, but you know how a little kid who did something bad and doesn't want to be in trouble says "sorry~!" and they obviously don't mean it? that's how my dad sounded. I worry that he'll do something bad...I decided to go somewhere with him at noon tomorrow....

**sigh** I decide I want to live so I can try, and then THIS shit happens...

sorry for the whining, but I couldn't even sleep because of it last night. I just had weird dreamsthank you!
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Thursday, February 17, 2005

   tee hee hee OW
I keep getting finger spasms, so if there's bad typing there's that.... :D lol....

anyway, NIGHT got me to like STIGMA it's beautiful.... **nods** go see it...

Speaking of "Stigma," I'm thinking that that is what our band's name is gonna be... I hope, because it's very good...

and I'm saving my money to buy a bass guitar.... <3 <3 <3 love love love

me ish listening to Techno now... :D

have some pics




BLEAH! AND GET BETTER NIGHT!!!

To DeeJay T:




enjoy~~!!!thank you!
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

   whoa dude
LMAO! the biggest dumbasses in school came into the classroom where we eat lunch today....

and Jackie was getting her hair done, and is staring at them. us girls are all talking to ourselves, and the guys are being stupid by themselves...

then Jackie yells "IS THAT A JOINT?!"

we all look up, and the morons gape at us....then we;re all arguing about sharing it (we really wouldn't smoke the weed) but lol

and then one guy said, "Hey, dude, don't mess with my mom's lighter...":

we don't do drugs and yet we're smoking crack.... T.T

and now we're taking pictures laterthank you!
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Monday, February 14, 2005

   Happy valentines day
yes yes happy valentines day. I'm in a bad fucking mood, I almost feel sorry for my psychiatrist. almost.... :D

anyway, there is no reason for me to be sane right now lala lalala lalala

don't you hate it when people yell at you and act like you're so fucking stupid? that's this girl in my gym class, telling me she's sick cuz she's sniffling. whatever, I could SMELL the marijuana on her...

also, I hate insincerity. it's hypocritical of me, because NO ONE ever knows what I'm feeling. seriously, when I;m mad, I don't say anything, when I'm sad I don't say anything. it's always be sad by myself, throw my own goddamn pity party and then go out with a smile. push down the animosity and forget it's there.

I can't be caught; I'm not going to ever show anyone my deepest thoughts.

but here are some thoughts!:

titles for NIGHT"S and mine band:

Defection (I LOVE THIS ONE)
All Holiday
Harvey
Harvest
The Dull Light of Mediorcrity
Lehrs
Saiyuki
Technogoth(hate that one)
Sugenki
Psyche

which one do you like the best? My favorite is "Defection" sounds so cool and original.... <3thank you!
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Friday, February 11, 2005

   valentine's day
here are my thoughts on this so called holiday:

what the hell were people thinking? there's no such thing as love. love is a lie, you think you love someone, and you think it's true and pure, but then that person can run off on you and you beat their ass.

or you can fall out of love. you might love someone so much, and then one day, you hate them. if it can be broken or lost, then it cannot exist.

and what's to celebrate? you should celebrate "love" if you have it everyday. make a random day special, not one that customs says is.

here's what the presents mean:

chocolate: I don't think you're too fat, so here's some kinky chocolates (next year you get a stuffed animal)

Stuffed animal: lose some weight tubby! (next year you get flowers)

flowers: I'm sorry, and these plants that will soon die are for you (next year you get jewelery)

Jewelery: you're too plain lookin, and plus, then you pretty much have to (next year get appliances)

Appliances: you're old (next year get massage)

massage: you're too stressed, and I get to be away from you (next year get gym membership for two)

Gym membership for two: you;re too fat, and I don't trust you to exersize when you're all hot and sexy alone (next year get chocolates)


anyway, i have no one to love for valentines day. I want what earthly stupid unreal love i can get, but i don't really care. it's not like i'd be affectionate. I'm only capable of loving from a distance. I can't really show my affections except to trivial things. and pets... <3

mou. anyway, off to my valentine's day of whoring around!thank you!
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Thursday, February 10, 2005

   pixies~!
I LOVE YOU! especially if you do my homework for me...just kidding...anyway, I'll get you some pix up here

MY SCHOOL:




me dun't feel like searchin no morethank you!
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   heh
ablah blah blah. that's all i have to say today :D

anyway i not so sick. and friends are sharing secrets be i dunt care.

i have virtually nothing to say, but Viva la SHIT XDthank you!
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Wednesday, February 9, 2005

   grrrrrrr
I'm in a somewhat bad mood. I hate having to get around, and my printer's on the fritz. **shakes it** bastard, work.

anyway, the thing with my dad should be OK. i doubt he would do anything to us. still mad at the law for letting as many people as they do get hurt because of the word "might" in a threat.

great, now the stupid cat is on my lap **shoves her off**thank you!
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Monday, February 7, 2005

   COUGH COUGH COUGH DAMMIT
ugh I AM SICK~ and sick is not fun, I have been coughing all weekend. *death*

anyway, ok, I won't be posting much because on friday, my dad said, "i'm too depressed and if it gets any worse, I might get a gun and blow my fucking brains out. I might just take you with me too"

he said it to my mom, and it's a death threat. so I can't go to his house anymore. and it's FUCKING stupid, because since he didn't say "I WILL kill you" they can't even get a freaking RESTRAINING ORDER.

i mean obviously it's a threat, but they're so fucking worried about protecting the shit head ACCUSED that they let how many victims wind up DEAD! fucking goddamn government

so anyway, I'm ok. just not gonna be around as muchthank you!
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