Sunday, February 11, 2007

   irritated as a wasp
...cos what's more irritable than a wasp? well, maybe a yellowjacket, a hornet, a bee, an ant, a mother bear, a cat...you get the picture. i'm irritated.

why? because of this morning. This crappy, crappy morning. First, my dad starves me (i can't NOT eat SOMETHING in the morning without having a bitch-fit all day) so i'll have a big appetite at the restaraunt.

Then, as we discuss my college and i mention that I want to go to portland, he scowls. Then, he says, "I don't want you to go to college so far away; i won't hardly get to see you."

I about snapped my water glass. Excuse me?! Not ONLY is it my choice where I go to college, espcecially considering he won't be paying for any of it, he's a complete, 200% hypocrite.

He went to college in Idaho. His family was in Georgia. Of course, he didn't get along with them, and he and i get along so "well." **rolls eyes** yeah, right.

But, worst of all, a few years ago, he was going to move to the fucking UKRAINE. okay. EUROPE. EASTERN EUROPE. That is about 10 times farter away from Denver than Portland. That's an OCEAN and then some away. In addition to the fact that I was 13 when he started talking about this. In addition to the fact that i was standing right there and 15 when he threatened to kill himself and my mother if he couldn't go move, and if she wouldn't stop pestering him for child support. In additon to the fact that he's missed over half of my birthdays. In addition to the fact that he's never paid for anything for me. In addtion to the fact that he RIDICULES every talent, hope, dream, thought, and ideal I have. In addition to the fact that he sometimes skips his time with me, without even a phone call.

Jeez. No wonder i can't WAIT to leave. Are you fucking kidding me, you dumb bastard?! I don't get along with either parent all that well, but, OH, did he piss me off today. I wanted to leave.

shit. what right does he have to tell me where to go to college, or what to study? It's not like i'm going to stay in colorado my whole life, anyway. I HATE it here. it's dry, it's ugly, it's lame...I like the northwest better.

it's my life, and HELL if i let him chose what I do with it. He's already ruined enough of it, including my social life, my trust towards men, and my sweetness. Yes, believe it or not, i used to be a sweet, sweet girl. I still try, but it's like he's infected me with this anger. He may be my father, but he really isn't my dad.

i wish i was a straight-up bastard and didn't even know him.thank you!
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