Wednesday, April 11, 2007

how to (not) deal with depression
we were up to such tomfoolery so early in the morning <3 my sis and me (i love her)



I'm rabbit girl. super ugly looking especially there.

:(

anyway.

Today I did my presentation. It was a lot of fun, once I got the hang of NOT being nervous, and just sort of blanked everything out. i don't recall anything of it, really.

just fucking up on the FIRST PART of my Nihongo.

i just kind of slurred my "ohayou gozaimasu."

but gimme a break. this is what I said, (after that, flawlessly, though i took a restart after that slip up)
"ohayou gozaimasu! watashi no namae wa bainbridge julie desu! juunana sai desu. Koukou yonen-sei desu. Hima-no-toki de ongaku wo kikimasu. Suki na bando wa Nine Inch Nails desu. soshite, konsaato he ikimashita.

Mainichi Nihongo wo benkyoushiteimasu. Kyounen Nihon he ikimashita. Chotto taihen deshita demo samishii desu. Mama no Miyako wa oishii tabemono wo tsukaemashita. Ichiritsu-Funabashi koukou no tomadachi wa Keichin, Mizuho, Mika, to Yukiko. Karaoke wo shimashita. totemo tanoshikatta, demo Keichin to Mizuho wa honto jouzu deshita! Hazukashikatta ne!! Jaa, onegaishimasu!! Ganbatte ne!"

phew. it was a lot to say for all the more i really said.

but I can't believe it's over. I've looked forward to this for YEARS, since freshman year when i saw the seniors do theirs and I was like "OMG i can't wait."

now it's over. I've put every thought i've had into consideration for that presentation. it feels like such a finalization to high school

don't get me wrong; i'm glad its over. i just feel so...for some reason, adult. and sad to be saying goodbye to the people i love.

they all said some really nice things about me. I never knew i was in any bit humble, or gentle, or sweet, or motherly (as my Japanese teacher called me.)

i KIND of knew that i'm pretty individualistic. that came up a bit. i never thought of it as "the courage to accept myself and be happy being myself" because, as Linda said, "so many people are worrying about fitting in, and you just DON'T."

i was SO shy for that. people said so many nice things about me.

but i kind of hate to hear praise because it IS hard to hear, especially when you're vulnerable, and especially when it truly comes from the heart. usually, people say "i love you" or "you're good at ___" but, honestly, i don't trust it. it's like they're just kissing ass.

and then for mayte's presentation, i CRIED. like, a bit. i cried at mine a tiny bit, she cried a lot. i cried more at hers than mine, she less then. it was just weird seeing someone you've known for YEARS all grown up, and doing something only people older than you have. it was scary.

but she pulled through, both of us best friends did EXCELLENT, got 80/80. graduation, here we come!!!!!!!
thank you!
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