Saturday, July 14, 2007

   oh.
sorry, I'm irritated right now... ><

Not necessarily annoyed -well, a little bit- but mostly restless.

Antonio's mad at me. Because I came to my dad's like always. He says I always blow him off -and I usually do. It's not like I want to, but as I've mentioned before, my parents OWN me. He got pissed when I said I was coming here.

I begged my mom not to make me, but she took me. I fucking hate this arrangement. I can't do anything with my friends or anyone when THEY'RE free. And it's fucking up my relationships.

Plus, my mom is such a damn bitch, when I tell her what I think, she just ignores me, or insults me, or yells at me.

Anyway. I'm just TIRED right now. Because a LOT of shit has happened.

First, thursday, I went to Belmar, got a haircut -it's like a fluffy Miyavi hairdo- and hung out with my sister a little.

Then, I hanged out with Antonio and his friends. They're pretty cool; they tease me a lot less than Leila.

But fuck. Antonio and I missed out on the WHOLE concert we paid $15 to get into and couldn't get refunds. Well, we DID see Lower Class Brats at the very end, and it was fun, but...

before that, one of his friends brought 2 girls he was dating to the same concert. Leila was drunk, and fucked up from it all. I don't really like her, but I'm not a bitch, and I don't abandon people when they're like that.

I spent all fucking night taking care of her -I don't blame her- and she was SICK. like, puking Bacardi everywhere.

Antonio and I were the only ones who bothered taking care of her, and finally we sent her home in a taxi. I was the one who paid.

But anyway. Now that he's mad at me, I'm really scared :( PISSED too. I've no confidence, and I'm really fucking worried that Antonio's gonna go out and fuck some other girl or something -something FUCKED UP- to get back at me.

FUCK. I hate this. I hate my dad. And I can't just tell him FUCK YOU LEAVE ME THE SHIT ALONE because last time I did that (but politer), he tried to kill himself.

FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK. FUCK.

And I'm really scared of that shit Antonio did last time he was super pissed at me -calling me in the middle of the night, shit faced, blaming me, cussing at me, telling me how much better every other girlfriend was, depressed, that sort of shit- and he tried to dump me, too.

But...I dunno. I fucking hate this. FUCK. This is why I do my best to avoid conflict. Shows how damn much good it does me, though. I'm always fucking fighting with somebody.

I want him to call me, but I don't cos I'm scared. fuck.thank you!
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