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• texhnolyze23
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• 1989-10-23
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Female
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• keep portland weird!
Member Since
• 2004-08-02
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• irresponsible semi-adult
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• Julie
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• graduating high school with honors, speak/write/read fair Japanese, travel
Anime Fan Since
• 5th grade~ish
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• となりのトトロ (Totoro), Howl's Moving Castle, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Perfect Blue, and Akira.
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• save the rainforest, of course
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• music, sleeping, reading, writing, drawing, walking, animals
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• i'm good with animals
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Tuesday, October 16, 2007
that's a cute picture
Please keep NaeNae in your prayers; she's got it rougher than anyone I know right now.
And it sucks (incredibly much so), too, because the same thing happened to my uncle.
I feel sorry for my mom, it fucked her up when my uncle died.
fucked my whole family up. But me. Why? because I'm not really a part of that family. Really. I'm not.
I'm a "bastard," according to my grandmother. At my uncle's funeral, the WHOLE family sat up in the front. My mom told me to sit in the back.
My cousins get spoiled fucking rotten by my grandparents, and i just get bitched at or patronized all the time. I get looked down on by my grandparents because I don't believe in church (CHURCH. i believe in God, and the same one as them, so I don't see what their problem is). And **gasp!** I try not to judge people or make myself superior to them, and **sigh** i'm the bad one.
in the family that is my parents...feh. what family? I have my dad, who i don't really get along with, and my mom, who I love, but don't get along with. And they hate each other.
I spend most of my time alone. I never see my sister or nephews or her brothers or anything. Because they're never there when i'm available.
I have Antonio, i guess. He must be mad at me, or something. He hurt my feelings tonight.
Don't get me wrong. I love these people. And I have forgiven them. But when bad shit happens, it makes me remember every tresspass upon me, and it tears me up. (like paper)
Fuck, i hate being a doormat. I am so nonconfrontational it's scary. Like when Antonio said he didn't care (about what i was upset about), i just said, "okay...sorry"
or else i just clam up and try not to speak. And i get mad, OH do i get mad. But i dunno why, but i don't hold grudges well
I don't start shit; I walk away. And it pisses me off when people either use that to take out their bad day on me in a mean way because I won't do shit about it, or when they come looking for me to start shit.
And don't tell me to "fight back." that's like telling a man to chop his penis off. it could happen, but highly unlikely.
Anyway, i just needed to vent to a listening ear. Sorry if I sounded bitchy or hypocritical or whiny. I didn't mean to; it's just been building up for a few days and if i don't vent, i combust.
^_^ don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Just need to busy myself.
It's NaeNae I worry about =(thank you!
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