Friday, November 23, 2007

   happy fuckin' thanksgiving...
It wasn't a bad day, and I'm grateful for all I have...but right now I'm drowning under a wave of depression.

I can't tell you exactly why I'm so down; I don't know. But after Bex and I ate...we got back...

and it was like...an extra ton of weight was added to me. my heart is so heavy. And I don't know exactly why. It's frustrating and infuriating.

Maybe it's money, or black sunday, or christmas, or thanksgiving, or finals, or loneliness, I dunno.

But I AM really really really really really worried about my sister, Tamara. She's sick. Again. Last year, she was sick for about 4 months straight, and wound up having her gallbladder removed.

She's traumatized by it. Plus, her parents are being fucking assholes. Always fighting with each other, so inconsistant, the only thing constant is her grandma. Even I'm not there to cheer her up or fight back for her.

so, she might be in the ER tomorrow =( Again. I hate her being sick, i want her to be better. I hate it. She's my sister, i would do anything for her to feel better and stay better. and I'm not even there for her.

And Antonio. He's fucking depressed. and I'm worried about him, very muchly. but in some ways, also irritated, because he takes stuff out on me, and brings me down with him. he makes me feel really fucking guilty for coming here. and i love it here.

I dunno. Just depressed.

Although!!! HAPPINESS~~ My mom called me after she had dinner, and xD my nephew Nunu!!! (Keanu) wanted to talk to me!!!

so he was on the phone chatting to me. He's not even 2 yet, i have no idea what he was saying, but I caught, "I love you, bye bye!" xD!!!!!! **squeezes him** It was the highlight of my day!!! SO INCREDIBLY ADORABLE, you don't even know.

and then my nephew Austin was talking to me on the phone!!! He's 7, and super adorable. He's such a great kid, I can't even begin to tell you. Well behaved (well, for a 7 year old), smart, nice, he's such a great kid. I love him so much!!! He talked to me. But my phone was retarded and I thought he was his stepmom xD I felt bad...I want to talk to him some more!!!!

then, Maria (stepmom) talked to me xD she's funny...

and then I talked to Dear, TAB's awesomely awesome grandma!!! ^___^ she's such a nice lady.

and then I talked to my mommy again. By the way, you should be proud of me. I broke the news to her that I have a pierced lip now xD she didn't take it too rough.

xD OMFG i'm so excited to go home. and my cat pickle, of all my pets, is the only one who really misses me =(

anyway. except for that last bit, I cheered myself up a bit =3

hope you had a great thanksgiving, or at least a fulfilling one. ^_^thank you!
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