Wednesday, September 8, 2004

   ka BOOM
I hate my dad. I HATE HIM! he's a JERK. today, he came to pick me up, and is like, "Did you check on your snake?"
I said "Nope" and he calls me a stupid lazy brat. >< then I told HIM, "the girl who took him home hasn't brought him back yet, anyway."
My dad's response? "I bet she's Asian. She took him home, skinned him, ate the meat, and made him into a purse. you KNOW those Asians eat anything."
I was like O.O you worthless shit bastard!!! but I replied calmly, tho angrily, "everybody eats weird stuff. the chinese think that eating cheese is incredibly disgusting!!! your precious Europeans eat horses. they smoke cigarettes for breakfast. rednecks eat sewer rats. it doesn't fuc-freaking matter if WE precieve what they eat as, it's normal for them, and at least it's food."
he goes "whatever" and I sit brooding until he says, "So, you and your little Mexican friend still doing that stupid animal shit?"

that pissed me off more. I respect the difference of opinion, but he should respect ME by saying neutral things. fuck! and then I said, "yeah we are. it's FUN."
he's like. O.O

and he acts like my mom is so lazy, look at his fucking fat ass! he doesn't do much shit. so, he works 7-8 hour days, INCLUDING lunch, and he cooks dinner and pulls a few weeds. so fucking WHAT? my mom works 14 hour or more nightshifts as a rn, sometimes dealing with completely incompetent people, or being so busy she gets puked all over, can't go to the restroom, can't eat, or drink, and she gets sick easily. she doesn't have time to cook, she works HARD. and besides, cooking isn't that big of a deal! it's easier to eat cereal, and you don't have to worry about hurting someone's feelings. at least she's not running off to Ukraine before she's 50, and leaving her only daughter to pay for her own EVERYTHING. honestly. he might as well make me get my own house, he makes me do fucking everything. he can go to hell.

sure I get pissed at my mom, and am almost always annoyed with her, but I know she loves me. she tries. he's full of shit.

not to mention, I had a sucky day. It felt like my friends were all so annoyed with me, like I'm such a dumbass, like I'm just an annoying little child. selfish. it felt like they just wanted to get rid of me. couldn't stand me. hated me. it sucked, but I pushed that feeling away and stayed happy. then these guys came and basically ridiculed me to death because I'm innocent. they're like, "you're dumb, you dumb fuck. I want more hours for this. what a stupid idea. bitch bitch bitch. you like crap. you're stupid. what happened to your BLONDE hair?(never ever ever had blonde hair) why do you wear black? don't get high! why do you cut yourself? YOu suicidal psychopath!"

YOU SHIT HEADS! why the fuck do you fucking have to bother me? fuck off, just leave me alone! I don't need you, or anybody else! Just myself! I don't need you to tell me I'm fucking wacked. to tell me I'm a fucking whore. to tell me I'm a dumbass with no fucking chance at life. I don't need you to tell me that I"m a freaking maniacally depressed lunatic! I already fucking know this! don't you fucking mess with me, I'll snap, and I'll scream, and I'll cry and cuss and kill and just bitch out and make you shut up if you don't. I want to be left alone except for those few people I like.

fuckers! plus, Amanda, that fucking whore ass bitch, she acts like she's so goddammed pretty and popular. what a fucking suck up. she thinks she's fucking punk because she wears a goddammed wristband. and listens to yellowcard. and greenday. and alternative crap that is barely passed off as rock.. shit. last year, I was really depressed, and I think it was fairly obvious. I was on the computer. she looks down at me(literally) and says in this ditzy stupid airhead wanna be punk voice, "don't you be sitting at MY computer."
I gave her a dirty look and kept working. she insists that I need to get off. I almmost tell her fuck off, but ignore her, she gives up. then I get called to the school shrink, and as I leave, I hear her say, "I TOLD her not to be on my computer." I came | | that close to turning around and screaming, "You fucking perfect goody goody BITCH with a wanna be attitude. I know you are too scared to smoke pot, to ditch class. you think you're so fucking tough for ditching study lab? GO TO HELL." She'd have gotten mad, and I was pissed enough to fight her. I'd have hit over the head with a chair. now that I think of it, I would have literally KILLED her(not meaning to, just in such a rage that i would) then I'd kill myself out of guilt. shit.

I get pissed thinking about it, but I really needed to vent.. do you think it's bad to have so much hatred for the world in my heart? i mean, I want to help the world, but there are so many people I hate. grrrrrrrrr. they can kiss bender's shiny metal ass.

damn, the list of people I hate:
1. Amanda
2. Amanda
3. Amanda
4. Amanda
5. Amanda
6. mi padre
7. kristal
8. Rafiel
9. Eliana
10. Luis
11. Dawn
12. Bush/
13. Almost everybody else.


here;s people I DO like/can stand(not from online)
1. NIGHT
2. miv(actually, they're tied, but I've known NIGHT longer)
3. Deisy
4. Heather
5. Jackie
6. Luis
7. Pepe
8. Jessica
9. Marissa
10. Juan
11. Jose
12. Esteban
13. there are a few othersthank you!
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