Saturday, November 20, 2004

   wordsies
this are two letters I got from people at camp in my care bag:

"Julie, you are beautiful. You said that you are dead inside, but I don't believe you. Behind your straight face I can see the fire that burns inside you. when you smile and let down your guard, life pours out of you. God is using you - He has great things in store. Have faith andbe strong. ~ Rebecca"

that lady was a councelor who pissed me off before the letter. I like it, but it's also very...cheesy. like a movie or something. I don't trust the intention of her. she's too concieted.

this one, though:

"Julie- you are a very wise person and have a lot of good things to say so don't be afraid to say them. remember there is always hope. You always have hope so don't give up on that. Love, Thomas"

that guy was SOOOO nice. seriously, I don't think I've met anyone as nice as him. when we were doing the trust games (which I didn't do because I don't and didn't trust anyone there, but htey were fun) and our group was catching people who fell, I was paired up with the "weakest link" because I wasn't strong, but I was strong enough to do some of his work.

ANYWAY...

some big guy fell, and I was next to Thomas. Aaron and I got more weight than we expected, so we were like "WOAH" and I had to go way down not to drop the guy. I wasn't talking at that time, but I muttered, "ow." and Thomas is like, "are you ok? are you ok?" I nodded. heh. he was the ONLY nice guy there. I hope he comes next year, because seriously, everyone at camp was a jerk. well, about 3 girls were nice, and the one I knew was pretty nice. but the rest- UGH! and also

the director, Jeff, insists on calling himself 'preacher jeff' even though he's not our preacher. that guy was full of SHIT. I'd told my mom that some people said racist things about Mexicans, and my mom was trying to tell him ,a nd he said, "well, it's going to happen. we can't stop it. Anyway, at regan's funeral, they're going to say good stuff about him, I just know it." and then he listed all of regan's mistakes. It's like wtf? of course they're not going to say bad things about a dead person! that's bad luck, and they can't defend themselves/

that guy seriously pissed me off. my mom worked harder than just about everyone, because she was nurse and a cook. nobody listened to her about their medicine, or authority. they treated her like CRAP.

I found out at the end, though. and I was SOOO FUCKING mad, I was crying, but growling. people were like, "what's wrong with her?" uuUUuu. morons, I was mad enough that IT was coming out. (it is the scary, violent, malicious thing that comes out when I get really mad. rageful. it's scary) anyway, IT was coming out, and I was ready to fight anyone and everyone who was disrespectful to and made my mom CRY. i was so mad, I broke a metal chair. they shut me up in the cabin for a few minutes to calm me down, and I was screaming. they barely managed to stop me from cussing out the director and everyone else. I was using the F word everyother word. it was scary...

anyway, this is why you should not incur my wrath. and why i was pissed at camp. I'm volatile, just have enough control to stay fairly calm.

stupid people. but not you. unless you were there. then, I probably am still grudgefull against you.thank you!
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