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• texhnolyze23
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Birthday
• 1989-10-23
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Female
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• keep portland weird!
Member Since
• 2004-08-02
Occupation
• irresponsible semi-adult
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• Julie
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• graduating high school with honors, speak/write/read fair Japanese, travel
Anime Fan Since
• 5th grade~ish
Favorite Anime
• となりのトトロ (Totoro), Howl's Moving Castle, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, Perfect Blue, and Akira.
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• save the rainforest, of course
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• music, sleeping, reading, writing, drawing, walking, animals
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• i'm good with animals
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Monday, June 6, 2005
what time will it be?
you already had your bunny pic!! ah! you want another one?! jerks, no, I don't mean that
it's cute, isn't it?
anyway, I was just wondering what time I will go to bed! it's 1:30 am on the nose here, and I am not sleepy! hrm...taking bets? yeah? ha ha! no, I am not that kind of girl. but today I have to give poor Tamara her CD back. and I'm hearing the Love Hina theme in my head. is this a good sign? ah ha. yes. yes it is.
maybe I'm worse off than I thought?
hey, have you ever felt like this? this is me just about every minute of my freaking life, since my grandma called me a bastard a couple of years ago.
anyway:
**ahem**
"I wish I was never born, I hate myself. I hate myself! I HATE MYSELF! I can't say I want to die because since I am alive, I have to try, I guess, butI WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN!
see, I'm not suppossed to be here. I'm an 'accident,' even my own mother has said so often enough. it's not that she doesn't love me, I know she does. But she could at least wipe that smile off her face when she looks at me an says 'accident' like it was MY fault.
it's not my fault, it's really not. but I wish I'd never been born. I'm just a bastard child. I wasn't suppossed to happen. but I did. like a disaster, all because I'm the family bastard. the only one, and they treat me like a fucking leper for it. I'm the bastard child, I wish I'd never been born, I should NOT have been born, I hate myself, I wish I hadn't been born, I wish I hadn't been born, I wish I wasn't a bastard, I wish I never existed, I hate myself I hate myself I hate myself.
bastard, bastard, bastard, bastard!!! that's what she called me! i was already crying and she called me a bastard! i heard her! how can she blame me?! i wasn't suppossed to have been born, but it's not like I had a choice. want to blame someone, blame my parents. they're the ones who couldn't control themselves, why do I get blamed for being the fucking goddammed bastard? bastard bastard bastard! it's not my fault, it's not my fault, I wish I hadn't been born, I wish I hadn't been born, I wish I hadn't been born, no one wants me here anyway, I wish I hadn't been born."
ever fucking felt like that? sorry. it's been inside me for yearsthank you!
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