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• 5th grade~ish
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• i'm good with animals
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Friday, December 8, 2006
I'm not the one with the problem....
...except that she keeps bugging me. I don't do anything; i obey her as best as can be expected from a normal teenager. i'm not a nerd or a kiss ass; i disobey sometimes. And i'm not that helpful, but honestly, it isn't fair.
she kills me with every hateful word she says; how am i supposed to protect myself without pissing her off? Of course i won't talk, anything i have to say is worthless, if not evil.
If i cry, she comes in all, "I don't want things to be like this between us, it's our last few months together"
well, guess what!!! I'M NOT THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't pick fights, I never even defend myself, even if she breaks a cup, yells at me when i wasn't there, because it was "my fault" and screams.
If she wasn't constantly PISSED at me, and if she could refrain from taking her problems out on me, and stop blaming me, we wouldn't have anything wrong. I would be more willing to help out. After all, would YOU want to help someone who blames you for everything wrong in their life, blames you for their bad day when you barely even saw them?
of course i don't. and i HATE it when she complains about stuff like, "i do so much for you" well, what the hell does she want???? Laundry, for example. She does it because "i don't know how" (which i do) and i'll "break the washer/dryer" (which i won't). And she won't teach me crap, so how am i supposed to learn?
NEVER volunteer yourself for something, especially silently, without anyone asking it of you, and then bitch about it to them.
I desperately want to be a good daughter, i've spent my whole life trying to please her, and she isn't, so i guess my life's one fucking waste. I was fine for a while, but then she started her shit because of personal problems, and now i'm teetering on the edge. It's like, how the fuck should i do it? Don't fucking think i wouldn't, i would, i would, i would. With a gun, poison, hanging? This hatred is the poison that feeds me, fuels me, and is ripping me apart. I can't stand it any longer; it's infected my blood, and my heart is rotted because of it. I just want to die, to make her suffer, to punish myself, to just STOP all this.
Because i don't know how much longer i can take it.
What on earth did i ever do to her that was so horrible? be born, i guess. That's what they all say...thank you!
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