Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Don't ask me what I was thinking.........
I'm standing here
Alone and hurt
Having the worst hangover
And crying into my shirt

My shaky hands are clutching
A Lady Bic razor tightly
My eyes are read from crying
And my heart is beating rapidly

I'm looking at myself
Asking myself why
Why did it have to come to this?
Why do I want to die?

Slice, cut
Self mutilation
Blood, hurt
No explanation
Cry, scream
Reality gone
Slip, fall
They'll find me at dawn
Ambulance, medics
This is no game
Mother, father
You're not to blame
Me, myself
This is no dream

Hmm..........for all the people who don't mind to cut themselves once in awhile, and feel a little something. I know i'm tired of feeling numb all the time.

Elena Tsukashi.......why do i have a feeling ur going to like this?

well, i'm going to go see my bunny because i haven't seen her in forever. i'll be on tomorrow.....maybe
later



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   i'm back................i think
well........i'm back from canada. it was fun.........i suppose.
i saw the village there though. i think i want to see it again in theaters. i'm not entirely sure about what i thought of the movie, and i haven't come to a real opinion about it. but i must say, it is much better than the signs (sucky sucky movie)

i need a new cd player by the way. my current one makes these weird clicking noises whenever i press play (and no, the clicking noises aren't coming from the music that i'm listening to.) that sucks.

well, i think i've been cheated out of the thingy that i ordered on ebay. damn bastard, curse you.
when i got home, i saw a package at the door, and of course i got all excited about it, and then i cried when i found out it was something for my dad's drum set.
grr......so now i'm pissed.

well.....thanks everyone for commenting. canada was an evil place (but the canadians are very friendly people with funny accents.)
i'm so happy i'm home. *hugs comp* i missed you most of all.
well, i might post again with a poem in a couple of minutes.

later
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Wednesday, August 4, 2004

No matter where you go, you'll never find ur way home
hey, well i found this place with public internet access, so i'm using it.
right now i'm at the gaelic college, and there is a person outside with a bagpipe, and he's playing it. its so cool!

emo kids, i love you ^_^

thanks for all the comments. animeflamez i will check out ur site when i have the time, k?
okay, well i have to go now. i'm off to some unknown place in canada.
fare well


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Sunday, August 1, 2004

   In short: Canada, two weeks, no comp, me insane
i'm leaving today to go up to canada, where i'll be staying in a cabin for 2 whole weeks, without a computer.
when i get back, i may be on the mentally insane side, but i'm sure i'll get better once i've seen my comp. *hugs comp* i'll miss you.

so i won't be updating for 2 weeks.......that'll suck. i really don't want to go, but we all have to do things that we don't want to do in life. *sigh* like leave our computers for 2 bloody weeks. damnit.

i suppose i'll miss some of u. thank you to anyone who wrote in my gb and actually had something to say in it that interested me.
also, thank you to anyone who commented on my site. i really do appreciate the comments, i love reading them.....sometimes.
er...so yeh. i suppose thats it.

later

*cries* i need a laptop!
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Saturday, July 31, 2004

some random poem i wrote at 1 in the morning
Don't tell me that it's impossible
Don't tell me i've lost my mind
I'm stronger than that
I know no limit, i know no boundaries
If the speed limit says 30, i'll go 60
Whatever, just to give me some rush
I'm tired of this life
I'm tired of only watching from the sidelines
Whil that bitch gets everything that i want
I would treat you better
I would tell you more than just "i love you."
I would prove my love for you
I would die for you

Don't tell me i'm being dramatic
Don't tell me to drop it
I'm not some little drama queen
I know what i want, i know what i need
Don't you see? or are you blind?
I'm giving myself to you
I'm throwing myself out onto this busy street
Just don't let me come out of this hearbroken, don't let me come out of this hurt

I cry myself to sleep over you
I've hurt myself for you
Don't examine my wrists and ask why the fuck i did this
It's over you

Don't say i'm crazy
Don't laugh at me, and throw me aside
Don't neglect me, i'll only drown in my tears
Don't yell me for loving you
Don't hate me for loving you


On a brighter note, i've downloaded an mp3 onto quicktime player, so i can fast forward it and it sounds like something from alvin and the chipmunks.
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   hey. well, today i'm not really doing much. i might go out driving with my sis to practice her hillstarts in a standard (which by the way is very difficult, and requires a lot of skill.)
tonight i'm going to my sis's play pirates of penzance (did i spell that right?)with a friend, and i'm really excited because there's this really hot guy in the play who's also into anime, so i'm really excited to see him.
wow.....its been awhile since i've got excited over a boy. i feel like some little schoolgirl with a crush.......but then again i am a little schoolgirl with a crush... hmm.

you know in that picture, the hidden emotion one with the girl with the purple hair (it should be on my site as one of my quiz results.) well, i've put my hair like that, except its not purple. yes, it is very difficult, and it took me awhile, but it looks good i think. i wish i had a digital camera or a scanner so i could show u, but alas, i have neither.
well................
later


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Friday, July 30, 2004

   I just broke the law
well, i went out driving with my sis. she doesn't have her license yet, so the only time that she can drive is with an adult. lol, there wasn't an adult in the car.
i don't know. we just felt like driving, so she told me to get in the car, and we just drove around. it rocked though! we had our music really loud, and we were driving really fast and stuff, it was awesome. i asked her if i was breaking the law at all, so she told me to take off my seat belt, so i did, and i broke the law. yay!
luckily we didn't get arrested, otherwise we would've been in deep shit.
but,yeh, we almost hit a deer, but luckily i yelled out "deer!", and we didn't crash into it. my sis was being careless though and looking at the clock, so i kind of like, saved the car and the deer from total destruction.

*sigh* i'm really bored and depressed right now.
i think i'm just going to stay online and visit random member sites. what fun.

later



i know that ur not available, but maybe i can imagine that ur there, and that ur listening to me, and maybe, just maybe, all this imagining will make it real. so if i close my eyes, and tell u whatever is on my mind, u'll appear and reply to me. you'll tell me everything will be okay, that i have nothing to fear, cuz ur there. so if i close my eyes real tight, and imagine u there, right now, you'll appear. maybe, just maybe.

i was bored, and i wrote this to someone on aim who wasn't there.
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   la la.....la la la la la la la...la....la la la la la la la.......la....
yesterday i went out grocery shopping with my mom. while in the frozen food section, minding my own business and looking for frozen peas, some kid walked by me and called me a freak. i would've hurt, if i gave a damn.
i'm not a stereotype, i don't consider myself a freak. i consider myself whatever and whoever i am. if i bother other people by how i look or act, then they are free to state their opinion about me. i could care less.

the amerigas truck nearly gave me a heart attack acouple of minutes ago. i thought it was going to be the UPS truck, or FedEx. so i ran down the stairs, thinking to myself
"I'm finally going to see .hack//Legend of the Twilight. And I can wear my .hack// shirt while watching .hack//Legend of the Twilight!"
But alas, it wasn't the mail truck, it was the gas truck. so now i'm very POed. *sigh* and bored.

later

Oh, this morning I made up this song in French.
Its really cool. I can't sing it to you, but I can write down the lyrics.
*cough cough* Ahem.
Bonjour
Bonjour, comment alez vous, vous?
Tres bien, et vous, vous?
Ca va bien, aur revoir!

Thats it. its pretty cool really. So now I have it stuck in my head, and I can't stop singing it.

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Thursday, July 29, 2004

   Grapes
has anyone else noticed that when u have a bunch of grapes, there's always this little, tiny, puny little grape in with all the huge grapes. its like a rule or something, there always has to be a little grape in the bunch.

also i just put up that current song thing, but i can't tell if it works or not because my comp won't let me play it. so like.......the next person who reads this, can u plz check it and then comment here and tell me if it works or not.
thank you

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   < what is that face doing?
well, this morning has started out pretty good. i had dougnuts ^_^
except one of them fell on the floor (and whadya know, it fell frosting down. oh joy!) so i had to throw it away which really sucked.

i'm also really happy because my new avi came up finally. and i got to talk to someone last night so i wasn't bored out of my mind (thank you emo boy.)

i might have to go somewhere with my sis so that she can practice her parking (she's going to take a test for her license soon.)

also, yesterday i ran into a couple of my old classmates from 8th grade. and oh joy, i have freshman science honors (my first class of the day.) with the arrogant, cocky, head-over-heels in love with himself, selfish, and stubborn Zac, whom I despsise and loathe. Oh joy!
so, yeh...........
later


there's this advertisment for how to get a college degree or something, and there's this animated female face that can talk. and wherever u move ur mouse, her eyes follow. its a little disturbing, but its funny cuz u can make her go cross- eyed. hehe.....yeh
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