Sunday, August 29, 2004

i finally fell in love, i've been waiting forever
hehe.....err....sorry about that last post. i really had nothing to do, honestly.
*hits her head against the desk* i'm feeling regret big time.
okay, so my sis invites me to go play Risk with her friends (Geoff, hottests, coolest person ever to exist on the face of the earth!). i say no, thinking that i would be "intruding" on her. but she invited me! shit, shit, damnit, fuck i hate myself.
ergh, so now i'm stuck at home.......on my computer.....with no social life whatsoever.
ergh again. i'm not exactly the little "social teen" that my parents hope me to be. and its not like i want to be that. its just that...once in awhile being a loner can be a little.......lonely.

so yeah, school tomorrow. woohoo? i'm thinking of changing my 2 period study hall so that i can take art. w00t! yes! that would rock. i hate my study hall. plus the dickhead is in that class. ergh.
hmm....so art.....or a meaningless boring study hall? hmm....decisions!
well.....i can't wait for tomorrow. hot guy who i'm stalking in the halls even though i don't have a class with him so i tend to follow him until he gets to his class and then from there i try to find my own class. hmm....a little over the top? possibly.
well thats about all. i might order a pizza.....or i might have to go to out to dinner with my parents *face in palm* ergh. these feelings of regret are growing.....fast.
well, either way i get food. where are the pessimistic thoughts now?
so yeah....then later i might watch Bend it Like Beckham. this movie always makes me want to go play soccer. the first time i saw it i was at school with some friends and it was this parent teacher thingy, and we went and found an empty room, wheeled a tv into the room, and watched the movie. afterwards we went outside where it was raining, got completely soaked, fell on our asses a lot, and played soccer. it was so fun. ah, good times, good times.

well anywho, i have to jet, my dad needs the comp, stat!
so, i'm outie. (actually, my bellybutton is an innie, but who really cares, right?)

later

i could really go for some cotton candy right now.
oh, and if anyone ever sneezes, say "take care" afterwards instead of bless you or whatever. other wise they will turn into a fairy.
just a little fact from cowboy bebop. don't trust it if u don't want to, it came from some sort of transvestite.
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Saturday, August 28, 2004

cleaning my room
i'm gonna go clean my room....i guess. not terribly exciting.......except when i find money that i never knew i had, like a 5 dollar bill in a jacket pocket. or whenever i find something that i've been looking for.
hm.....so yeh thats about it. my sis and i watched cowboy bebop this morning. and now i'm gonna go clean my room...i guess. not terribly interesting....except when i find money that i never knew that i had, like a 5 dollar bill in a jacket pocket. or whenever i find something that i've been looking for.
hm.....so yeh thats about it. my sis and i watched cowboy bebop this morning. and now i'm gonna go clean my room...i guess.

do i sense a dejavu?
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Friday, August 27, 2004

school days, school days, boring, rotten rule days, reading and writing and arithmetic, everything that makes me sick
okay, so yet another boring day of school.
yuck
but, on the bright side, i saw the really cute guy! okay, so i was walking into the cafeteria, and the really cute guy was walking out, and i brushed past him. i was like...........that | | close to him. it just rocked, so i'm still happy about that. yay!

on a more depressing note.
i have science homework. CURSE YOU MR. HICKEY!!!!CURSE YOU TO THE LOWEST, MOST EXCRUTIATINGLY PAINFUL, MOST UNBEARABLE PART OF HELL!!!! AND THERE IN HELL YOU CAN FIGURE OUT HOW BIG AN ATOM IS IF THERE ARE 10,000 ATOMS IN JUST THE THICKNESS OF A PIECE OF PAPER. AND THERE YOU CAN FIGURE OUT HOW BIG AN ATOM WOULD BE IF THE WORLD WAS THE SIZE OF A TENNIS BALL OR A BASKETBALL!!! HA!
so yeah.......i hate my science teacher as of now.
well, the dickhead keeps sitting in back of me during study hall. ergh, he's so annoying! curse him to wherever i sent mr.hickey.
oh, and there's also some crazy kid in my gym class who won't leave me alone. we had to find partners for gym class, and he just cornered me into being his partner. ergh, he's annoying. and he smells funny.
but thats beside the point.......or is it the point?
anywho, also i found this table that i can sit at with some other girls during lunch. they're all really nice. the entire time though this one girl kept ranting on about this hot guy who she thought was hot that is in one of her classes.
i was happy that she was talking though, i mean the whole just sitting down at their lunch table and not knowing who they are was kind of awkward, and she made it unawkward. i'm so happy i didn't have to talk.
well, also at the end of the day, i had to wait in the cafeteria for my ride. and i didn't really know anyone there, so i sat alone, and these 3 girls come over (really cool people, and they're hilarious) and sit by me and say "hi, you looked lonely so we came over. ur sophie's sis, right?" so they sat there and talked. i didn't really contribute to the conersation, but i didn't have to. i just liked listening to them. they were crazy! omg, i love them! thank you katie, kelly, and sabra, you guys rock!
okay, so i'm going to sign off probably. the stack of cowboy beebop dvds are calling to me. the fucking entire series plus the movie! omg! thank you lewis, you are my god! next time i pass you in the hallway, i will hug you and kiss you and bow down to you, oh mighty and powerful lewis. thank you so much, you have no clue how fucking happy you just made me. everytime someone promises to lend me their anime, they never do.
like derek, with his little white lie about owning akira. well, now i have it. yay!

later

i can say the alphabet in french. don't i just rock?
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Thursday, August 26, 2004

i don't mind spending everyday, out on your corner in the pouring rain, look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay awhile
k, even though this is my newest post, please read my other post for today, if u haven't already. k, thanks. this post is pretty much me ranting on about something that may or may not make sense to any of you.


have you ever trusted in something so badly, that you often thought the best for it. you thought that nothing could ever destroy or break or tear apart this one thing, this one thing that you held confidence in.
and then the cruelty of the world, the bad thoughts running through our minds, the insults, the sort of things that make you think the worst, and doubt the good just come crashing down on this one thing, and you lose all hope after that. all that you've worked for, all your hopes and dreams, all of your confidence in yourself, and all your companionship is just ripped right from you. like a rug being pulled out from under you, or an IV being pulled from your arm, you never see it coming, cause you don't think anyone would truly be that heartless. i mean, we all like to think sometimes that we're just so "badass", but when it comes to life or death situations, and real human emotions, we do whats right. we don't even give it a second thought, its instinct (or atleast to some of us).
i'm sure that some of you while reading this, are just shaking your heads saying "what the hell is she talking about? she doesn't know me! i would kill the fucker and never give it a second thought!" well, i don't need to know you really. its kind of a given. if someone, a complete stranger, was hanging on to the edge of a building for dear life, and in order to survive they needed your hand to pull them up, you would do it. this is also a given.
i mean, i might just be flattering the idea, saying all these good things, when really they're all false ideas, false hopes.
in my fantasy world, i like to think of myself as a badass, kick ass ninja type of girl who would kill people. but thats my imaginary world. where i like to think of things that i would never do in real life, like kill a person.

wow, i've gone off topic.
anywho, the moral of my story is, never trust in something with everything that you have, cause sooner or later, you'll lose it all to that one thing, and you'll never forgive yourself. whether it be a friendship, or a pet, don't give it too much feeling, because if you lose this thing, all your emotions go with it, and you're lost.
anywho, if i've gone a little too deep, please forgive me. i haven't eaten anything, and i didnt' get any sleep last night, so you'll have to excuse the fact that i'm a little........out of it.


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i don't even try, i know I have seen the best I'll have, I don't even try
okay, ditzy moment: I SAW THIS REALLY CUTE GUY AND HE"S A SOPHOMORE, AND HE'S REALLY CUTE AND TALL AND HE HAS THIS SHAGGY BROWN HAIR, AND I PASS HIM IN THE HALL AND I DON'T HAVE ANY CLASSES WITH HIM WHICH REALLY SUCKS BUT I GET TO ALSO SEE HIM AT THE END OF THE DAY!!!!!!!!
*take a breather*
i'm so sorry for that. i just couldn't help myself. it had to be said.
so anyways, yeah, hot guy who i pass in the halls. damnit! if i'd have only taken college bio i might have had a class with him. damn me and my laziness! ergh!

so yeah, at the beginning of the day i have this completely useless study hall. so, normally i just sit there and doodle. the first time i doodled my bracelet that i made (thank you aoshislover/christina for the inspiration!), and then today i wrote everything that i was thinking in big bubble letters.
i have this study hall with the dick head, and he keeps trying to talk to me, and he tracks me down and corners me in the halls just to talk to me. its a little disturbing. THERE ARE PLENTY OF DITZY GIRLS OUT THERE WHO ARE OBSESSED WITH YOU, SO GO FLIRT WITH THEM EVIL DUMBASS BASTARD!
*laughs to self* okay....so while i was typing that thing up there out, i was holding the shift key down the entire time, and then it hit me. capslock! dur! *hits head against keyboard* ladfhsdklahfxcn,

anywho, lets forget about that brain freeze moment.
back to my "ever wonderful" moments in highschool.
there's this complete know-it-all-over-achiever girl in my english and math class who knows the answer for everything. its rather annoying.
and it makes me feel very stupid and insignificant.
well, thats about all. i have some homework. but i got most of it done in class.
okay, that reminds me. in math class, we went over last night's homework, and the teacher said that anyone who got a problem wrong could tell her the problem number, and she would show you how to solve it. well, i got a couple wrong, but they were all because of stupid little mistakes....like .6 instead of 6.
anyways, while people were going over that with her, she had tonights homework on the board, and she said that anyone who wanted to could start on that. so i did (i was like..the only one), and i finished that. then at the end of math class she said that we had time to work on tonight's homework. well i had already gotten it done so i just sat there really doing nothing. so my teacher just got on my case and said "enid, you can't just sit there and do nothing! do the homework up on the board, now! like everyone else" well..i wasn't about to complain. so i just checked my work and scribbled a bit.
*giggles* right now its 4:20.....some stoner out there is getting high. sorry..i know that was immature...but who doesn't think that when its 4:20 on their clock?
well....later
thanks weaver for signing my gb!

Rainy Day

I will dig a hole
Save my pennies for a rainy day
I will dig a hole
Savin pennies for a rainy day
I'm not scared
I will build a wall
Sensing trouble from a mile away
I will build a wall
Saw it comin from a mile away
I'm not scared
I'm not scared
Try wearin your insides out
I don't even try, I know I have seen the best I'll have
I don't even try
I will just play dumb
I won't hear a sigle word that's said
I will bite my tongue
Never sing another song again
I'm not scared
I'm not scared
Try wearing my insides out
I don't even try, I know I have seen the best I'll have
I don't even try
Now they want to take my chances
I don't even try
Clouds are comin
Air get's heavy
Looks like trouble on a rainy day
Sun starts sinking
Can't see my shadow
Looks like trouble on a rainy day
Holes uncovered
Walls will crumble
All spells trouble on a rainy day
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Tuesday, August 24, 2004

We went down to the May Parade, mumbled words under my breath. There's something I've been meaning to do, I am dieing to tell you, I've been so damn tired.
Freshman day. yay?
well.......it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be.
8:30- cafeteria where i saw some of my old classmates so i sat by them, then we went off to the auditorium where the principal went on and on about the school. he called us class of 2009! i wanted to laugh, but i didn't.
then we got into these groups called STEP groups. its like...a counselor type group where u spill out all of ur problems to some teacher. yeah right.
then i went off to my first class, science. like i expected i have it with this complete dick head. but i don't mind.
next sutdy hall where i registered. then i went off to where my actual study hall is and met the teacher. and whatdya know, i have study hall with the dick head.
then i went to french, but i got there earlier than everyone else, so i talked with my teacher. he seemed like a nice guy. although, he played this french rap on his cd player, i nearly cred it was so fucking funny.some black guy rapping in french.
then i went to origins of human cultures. i have it with this really nice girl who i hope i get to know better. she's like the epitome of nerd, which i think is cool. so i'm totally going to talk to her.
next, lunch. lunch was kind of weird. there wasnt much to eat, so i didn't. i was sitting down at this table by myself, and this girl who i have this class with, a complete ditz, comes over and sits by me and starts talking (doesn't let me get in a single word) and then walks off.
so, i only stayed in lunch for 2 minutes, and then i got up and roamed the hall. i saw this really cute guy from student council. ^_^
he showed me around a bit.
then i went to algebra, all my classmates look like hicks. honestly. none of them look like they belong in this class.
then i went back to the main building for p.e. the nice girl is in this "class" too. yay! i HATE p.e.!
then i went to english, where i met my kickass english teacher. he's so funny, i love him! there's this complete ditz in my english class, and when i walked in through the door, she pointed me out to a friend of hers and said "i have [insert class] with Enid!" and her friend says "Oh yeah, i have a few classes with Enid too!" its like i wasn't there. and besides, u have no clue who the fuck i am! sure, my nametag says Enid on it, but doesnt mean u can call me that. i would prefer to be called "that girl".
grr.....and then i went back to the auditorium where we split up into groups and played duck duck goose. we didn't actually play it. we just went around in a circle at first and introduced ourselves, and what we're looking forward to at highschool. everyone practically said "sports" and "meeting new people". geez, no individuality at all. the freshman class totally whomps.
well, then i got a ride home with a friend, and now i'm here. voila!

oh, and i really want Kaneda's motorcycle from Akira. That spiffy red one. They actually made a life-size model of it in japan. I think i'm going to go to japan and steal it. Anyone want to come and help me?
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Monday, August 23, 2004

you won't sleep better alone, and she won't sleep better alone, and they won't feel better alone
Well, i've known it for awhile.
I kind of saw it coming
But now I know for sure
And now i've taken off running

Its for real
Its for sure
I guess what I want to think
Doesn't matter anymore
Its out in the open
C'mon and rip it up
Just make it all worse
C'mon and fuck it up

I used to think things were bright
I used to love it all
But now it all comes crashing down on me
Won't somebody be there to break my fall?

Its for real
Its for sure
I guess what i want to think
Doesn't matter anymore
Its out in the open
C'mon and rip it up
Just make it all worse
C'mon and fuck it up

Its really hard to hold it in
Its really hard not to break down and cry
Your truth is slowly devouring me
And I'm trying so hard not to die

Please make it all disapear
Please let me go
Please stop this, I think I know better
Please let the sun come out tomorrow


Its for real
Its for sure
I guess what I want to think
Doesn't matter anymore
Its out in the open
C'mon and rip it up
Just make it all worse
C'mon and fuck it up


I can't exactly explain this sudden outburst. Its really painful though.
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   I'll be happy with a ribbon in my hair lalalalalalalalala
k, so i start school tomorrow. er.......yay?
my mom is all psyched about it because i'm going to be a freshman, and she's going on and on about how i've grown up so quickly. yada, yada, yada.
anywho, my mom is also keeps bugging me every second about what i'm going to wear my first day back to school. does it really matter? i'll wear what i wear. in like.....6th grade i used to plan out what i was going to wear my first day back to school........hell i used to plan out what i would wear trick or treating in like.....january. last year i had no idea, so my friend just put a black wig on me, and some other crappy halloween stuff and went out like that. i still got candy though, surprisingly.
well .......i'm not sure what i should do really. like i said, this is kind of like starting all over almost. nobody there really knows me but my sis. i could do whatever i want. but i don't think i could keep it up the entire year. so i'll just be me....*sigh* how utterly boring that is.
well, i should probably get off line, cuz i still have some homework that i haven't finished yet. but i don't want to do it.but i probably should. so i will.
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Saturday, August 21, 2004

i suppose the subject is school........and some guy
i start school tuesday. i still have some homework that i need to finish. 20 pages of what i did this summer.

i'm kind of excited. i'm going to be a freshman in highschool. this just totally blows my mind. i sort of get to startover, kind of. middleschool was hell and i'm trying to rip every memory that i have there out of my mind and just burn it. like a history book.
i'll probably be sitting by myself at lunch until i meet someone in one of my classes. everyone that i graduated with, and have known for 6 years i don't really count as friends. really.

i'm perfectly fine with this however, about being alone. i am a loner. the artistic, silent, introverted, highly intelligent girl that noone really knows. i won't join student council or anything. i might join scholars bowl, and the french club, but thats about it.
my sis will be a junior. i like her a lot. she has some friends that i've met before, one of whom is really cute. i like him a lot.
i think he has an account on gaia. anywho, black hair, really pale, quiet observer, mysterious, introverted type. he's also part of this live action roleplay thing at school (LARP). i really want to join that, if i can. he's also a really smart kid (says my sis). but anyways, he's really cute. my sis might drive him home afterschool cuz he doesn't have a car i don't think, so i'll be able to see him a lot, and possibly get to know him.

well, i'm still feeling crummy and crampy, and now my nose is all stuffed up and red, and my eyes are getting all iritated and stuff. i think i'm going to make myself some tea and watch Akira again.
later
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   yesterday i went out shopping with a friend of mine and my sister and her friend. it was a lot of fun actually.
i brought so much money with me, and now i'm broke. but i'm still content. i got two inuyasha mangas, the august edition of newtype, some really cool purple and black jelly bracelet thingys, a plaid pink and gray and white wrist band, Akira on VHS, a bunch of really cool pins for my bag, and a t-shirt thats from donnie darko that says 28:06:42:12 that is when the world will end. pretty cool, huh?

anywho, while we were out shopping, this complete stranger came up to us and asked us if we wanted to go on this boat ride thingy. we graciously declined though, but he was a really nice guy.
also, me and my friend tried on these chinese dresses. they were gorgeous, but my friend got stuck in hers. it was hilarious.
then my friend wanted to go to jcpenny (go figure) to get clothes. but in the end she bought a pair of fuzzy socks and we stalked some kid. we lost him in the shoe department though. so we just gave up.
and then we went to this chinese buffet. it was great. they had sushi there!
afterwards, we went to the movies and saw "Napoleon Dynamite". that movie was hilarious. anyone who hasn't seen it, go see it! its great!
so that was my day.......nothing else to say really.
i might watch a movie today....i don't know.

i'm feeling really crummy and crampy today. i think i might go take a motrin.
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