Saturday, October 2, 2004

someday you'll wish that you had taken better care of me
i just did the dishes listening to some really depressing music on my headphones. halfway through i just stopped washing and i took a handful of bubbles and sat on the floor of my kitchen and played with them and cried.

last night me and my sis crawled into our mum's bed (she's out of town, and dad sleeps on the couch) and watched a chick flick and talked a little. i was looking at the pictures in her journal and i decided to draw on of them. its a picture of all these peoples (some of whom i know) waiting in line for harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban. (that was probably the happiest day of my life.)
the hot guy (brandon,whom by the way doesn't play soccer cb) is in the picture. so i stared at it for awhile.

my fingers are all pruny now.
the boys lost the game, 3 to 1. that sucked. but it was fun anyways. my friend and i walked into town and got snow cones and ice cream. we sat on a picnic table and watched traffic go by and we talked. it was really nice.
then we walked back to the soccer field and watched the game. it was so funny though because there were these kids from my highschool that were shouting at the players and cheering really loudly and being hilarious. it was great.

i'm feeling really confused right now. everything is falling apart at the seams. people are beginning to hate eachother, everything is piling up and i can't control it, and i'm getting my report card soon and i'm so flipping scared. (yes, i'm a grade junkie.)

i love sabra so. i don't know if she trusts me entirely though. i know that she likes me, she and my sister tell me all the time. but i can't help feeling as though its false. i feel like she's bored with me. that she doesn't really like me. that she's too afraid to just ditch me because she's too nice of a person. i want to be her friend so badly. she is chibi.
i need an "abby" so badly. (abby; a very good friend who u can relate to you so easily and who can practically read ur mind and gets all the jokes u say and thinks ur a great person and who u rarely ever get tired of.)

i wish i could just get lost somewhere with someone close and have a good time. feel alive and forget this bullshit life i'm leading. i want to run away with them and find true happiness and wake up with a smile for once. i want things different than the way they are, i just don't know how to achieve this goal.


oh, and by the way. i have this shirt from the movie donnie darko. it says "28:06:42:12 that is when the world will end."
and in the movie donnie darko, the world supposedly ended on the 30th of october (halloween) so my shirt works for today! yes! i'm so cool now! w00t!
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