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myOtaku.com: Satsuki San


Friday, October 8, 2004


i need a hug. badly.
okay, so my fascination with writing caps lock is over now, since my teacher yelled at me for it. pfft.

well, there was a rumor going around school that today was going to be "fun day"
oh, and for u uninformed peoples, fun day is a day when we get out of school half way through the day and go down to the football field and play frisbee and lounge around and play flag football, and soccer and what not.
so, yeah, the rumor was true.
YES! i missed p.e. and my english book quiz and vocab quiz. unfortunately though, i didn't miss algebra. darn.
so, yeah. i heard from sabra that my sis and her friend abby were going into town (which u can't do during fun day, but sometimes its fun to be rebellious.)so i found some uncool people that i knew to hang out with. but then i heard some people shouting "margot!" (my french name.) and i turned and saw my sister and abby and geoff and ethan and sabra! yay!
so i ran over to them, hugged my sis, talked with them for awhile, and then went back to my uncool peoples.
okay, they're uncool. well, except for courtney. but anyways, they kept swearing and thinking they were so cool, just like that really stupid NERD (in the bad way.) who wants to be a hick and swears at the most inappropriate stupid times and jokes about being high when i doubt he's ever been within 10 ft. of a cigarette!
so, i was going to leave them until they left me (well, not courtney and toria, but everyone else left sort of.) so i stayed on the bench that we were sitting on by the field hockey field and watched brandon the hot guy play frisbee. he's so hot. when i was walking down to the field with my "friends" *cough, cough* i saw him and i almost ran up to him and hugged him from behind. at the moment, it seemed like the most ordinary, right thing to do. and i didn't think he would mind.
i want a hug from him so badly. i bet he smells good. and that he's really warm and cuddly.
i told courtney and sam that i liked him, and they laughed. courtney said she agreed with me. and guess what, they know him! so, yeah, they know that i like him.
courtney rocks my socks. but christina(aoshislover) rocked them first. i luv u!

i've realized that i'm not happy.
i'll never know brandon.
sabra and abby will never like me as much as my sister.
geoff will never talk to me unless its about bryn.
lewis will never give me the time.
my friends in school will never understand me, or care for me that much. i'm not the caitlin that they all want. i'm me, and i'll never be famous or popular.
david will always like alyssa more than me. if i go one way and she goes another, its given he'll follow her.
jessie will never talk to me, because i'll never talk to her.
margaret will always laugh at me and taunt me, and she'll never be nice to me, unless i magically change the past and have graduated from LTS.
i'll never be as cool as my sister.
my parents will never love eachother.
my room will always be that cluttered.
my homework will never be completely finished.
origins will never be easy.
i'll never get over brandon....and i'll never find anyone else that hot. cuz the truth is, he's all i really want. i know it sounds weird, and a little obsessive. buts its the truth.
i'll never find an "abby"
i'll always be labeled as unathletic and worthless in my father's eyes
my poetry will never be happy
my art will never get better
my sister's handwriting will always be neater than my own
i'll never own a ps2


this sucks and i want to cry. everything just doesn't seem right about me. where do i fit in?
in my sis's group of friends where i'll jokingly be labeled the freshman. where i'll be forgotten and teasingly made fun of by my sister. where people will just smile at me, unsure of what to say.
i'm lost.

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