Saturday, October 9, 2004

he's the highlight of my day, brandon i love you!
wow, a third post on the same day. is that even possible?

well...i have nothing to say really. i just wanted to post.
i talked to my friend and we kicked the soccer ball around and he got into my secret bag and so i read my journal to him.
i had to skip a day though. the day when i realized everything is just slipping through my fingers. i can't hold everything together by myself. not even cement glue could hold any of it together.
the day i relalized my world isn't as perfect as i thought it was. sure, i knew some people with mesed up lives, but i never thought i was one of them. i never knew that i actually had a secret to keep. something to be ashamed of. something to hide from the world and cry myself to sleep about.

my sis is at the movies. w00t for her.
*does a lame excuse of a wave.*
i wish i were with her. really. i can't wait until she can drive me legally. we'll have so much fun.
i can't wait for november and then my sis can drive me anywhere!
*does the wave*
c'mon christina, do the wave. you know you want to. its fun really.

well.
well what? i feel like getting philisophial or something. i want to talk to someone face to face about something that doesn't really matter. something that we can argue about. a fun argument.
i want to have a conversation with brandon worth having. something that he'll remember...and when he wants to talk to someone...he'll say "hey, what about that girl. she was fun."
and we'll talk, and listen to eachother and i will find out how truly brilliant of a person he is.
and while i'm sure that he's very popular around the girls cuz he's so hot...he'll only have eyes for me and i'll only have eyes for him. and thats the way things will be, because thats the way they should be.
and at the dance, a slow song will burst out, and he'll make his way straight towards me thinking "if i don't do it now, i never will."
and i'll be standing there, unaware. and he'll tap me on the shoulder and ask me to dance. shyly. and i'll say yes, shyly.
and we'll dance.
he'll hold me close cuz thats the way it should be. and he'll smell good, and i'll be so rigid cuz i'm so nervous. but he'll whisper in my ear "don't be so nervous."
and i'll smile, shyly, at him. and i'll lean my head on his shoulder and he'll tell me all sorts of things. what he likes. who he is. how long he's looked at me, and wished that he could just say hi to me. and i'll say thats the same with me. and we'll both laugh at our childishness.
he'll hold me a bit closer, and his hands will go to my hips, where they should be. and we'll both be wishing the song would never end. but all good things must come to and end sooner or later.
after the song ends, he'll ask me if i want to go for a walk. a cliche, a given, but i'll agree, wondering where this might lead me to.
we walk and talk. our strides slow. we'll walk down to the football field, and just lay there looking at the clear sky and the beautiful stars. we'll talk about random things that just pop into our heads, and we'll speak in a whisper and giggle about funny things that wouldn't have been that funny if we weren't here together.
he'll tell me his class schedule, and I mine. we'll plan to run into eachother in the halls by coincidence and smile at eachother as we go our seperate ways.
and whilst sitting on the field, gazing around and at eachother, he'd sit up and move closer, his arm around me. he'd lend me his brown zip up jacket because he felt me shiver. but its such a warm night, i'm not cold. i'd shiver because he's so close to me. its terrifying me.
as he put his jacket around me, we'd lock eye contact. he'd smile, i'd smile. but we wouldn't turn away and blush and think "omg, i looked at her" or "omg, he looked at me." we'd stare at eachother, getting lost in eachother. and he'd slowly move closer. ever closer. until WHAM! we're kissing. sweetly, passionately, never ending, unforgettable, earth shattering. we'd split apart, and look at eachother. and then he'd breath out slowly as though he'd been holding his breath. and he'd murmur under his breath "wow"
and i'd smile and kiss him back.
we'd perfect, him and i. and someday, i'll show him this entry, and we'll laugh at it. finding it humorous that i had had such a vivid, imaginative day dream about him in such an intimate way as that.

but thats just a daydream.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING. I WAS LISTENING TO SLEEPSINGING BY THE DAMNWELLS, AND IT KIND OF CAME TO ME. (HEHE.....WAY TO SOUND MYSTERIOUS.)
SO YEAH........

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