Thursday, November 18, 2004

i have a hat, that looks like a cat's head. the cat is white with a pink nose and whiskers and blue eyes and cute little ears. its so old, i had it in 2nd grade and it still fits. i'm going to wear it tomorrow. its an insane. i'm insane.
wow...what is today? the 16th?
i've lost track of all time. right now, nothing really makes sense. and i'm kind of happy about that. i've completely given up on trying. everything i do is to no prevail. i'm always behind or alone or lost.

i've given up on how i look too. i suppose i've just kind of given up on myself all together. i figure, there's noone i'm trying to impress, why bother with my image?
besides, i like bed hair. even if other girls find it "messy" and "so uncool. gawd what'd u do to ur hair?!"
ergh, i hate those girls with their flat, straight, highlighted hair. looks like a wig to me.

my sis just made me a cd on the comp. she burned all my fav mp3s onto it! w00t!
i'm going to treasure this little disc with my life. and i'll never stop listening to it.

dad's out of town. mum's asleep. so i have all the time in the world to be on this brain-washing comp of mine.
but unfortunately, i have homework to do. i wish it were the weekend. i need one so badly.

today after school i went to scholar's bowl and the coach said that i should come saturday and possibly compete. i was like "no way. put me out there, and u'll lose for sure." but she didn't care so i don't care so i'll take a chance and look bad infront of all those witty seniors.

after scholar's bowl i went to the cafeteria, and sat on the new couch they put in. there was some girl on it, but its a huge couch and i didn't think she would mind. so i sat there and wrote in my journal. then bosley came over and started talking to me. and then somehow the tv got turned on. so kids kind of flocked over to the couch, and i was like "woh, i'm like the center of all the comotion. the in crowd. i'm hip." it was cool for awhile.
so then, !!!!!~~** BRANDON**~~!!!!
came over and sat down next to me on the couch.it was pleasant until he left.
but all in all, i'm not trying to impress him. he's just "eye candy". there to make me sigh.
u know?

also, bosley and that other girl left. and david, zac, and aaron came over and sat down on the couch next to me. it was nice. these were the guys who i had been in 2nd grade with. who i had graduated with from my little school of only like... 7 graduates.
it was nice. we watched this show, the weekenders. they're all so funny. it was just nice, and i felt content and happy at that moment. we also watched this cartoon called recess, and we made fun of the animation. i was talking to david about how i wish i were in 5th grade again. its such an innocent age. everything is new and the littlest things are so important. its so fun. and ....non stressful. just little crushes and innocent memories, and playing tag and musical chairs and drinking out of the same glasses and having cute birthday parties where everyone in the class is invited and where the napkins and plates match and show. when our minds are completely ignorant of the world that waits for us. when we're so naive, and the number 69 is just a number, one less than 70. and where 4:20 is just a time, when arthur is on pbs.
i mean c'mon, its a great age. i miss it so much. everything seems like it was so happy then. i'm sure my little eyes never picked up on any of the tension in the family though. but i remember it being happy.
when i was younger, i used to wear whatever was comfortable. anything from a green pair of sweatpants, to a turtle neck shirt from my mom. just whatever i felt like, i wore.
i feel like talking about myself when i was younger. but i know that none of u will be interested.
but, when i was in 6th grade, i always use to show my friends my baby pictures cuz i was so proud of them. now i've realized that they weren't ever really that interested, and they were just nodding and smiling to be polite.
gawd, i was a loser.
but i wouldn't change anything about myself now or then.

curse my addiction to this damn box!
i need to get off of it and start on my english essay. but its 8:25, and i'm so tired. weird........its so early. but i'm tired.

sorry about the long entry. but i hadn't updated in awhile, and i thought that maybe some of you would be wondering if i was dead or something.

bye my peoples
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