Thursday, February 26, 2009

homecoming, homecoming, i'm coming back. my dad convinced me that it'd be a better idea to just come home this weekend, rather than have them come visit me. and while i had said that i wasn't going to come home until spring break, i think i need to be at home for awhile. being away for this long [five weeks] is really weird. i feel a little better today, but knock on wood, because thinking i'm getting better will just jinx it. i need to eat somethinggg....

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

i really am sick of being sick. i hate not having enough energy to do most things that i need to do. ugh. i have to walk down the hill tonight. fuckmylife. and i'll have to walk back up it. fuckmylifeagain. anyway. i don't think i have anything due for nazi's, so i can sleep a little bit before catching the bus down. blaah. i'm also sick of michael trying to talk to me. you think he would have caught on by now, that i do not want to speak with him, ever again. things are awkward between us and i regret saying what i did and giving him what i did. pleasepleaseplease leave me alone. D; gah. nap time.

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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

i think it's sad when a person can't seem to accept that they are childish and too afraid to admit that they jumped to conclusions. oh well, they're the ones who will be looked down on later in life. i'm done with that. i would do something spiteful, but that's a waste of energy, and i refuse to waste my already sparse energy on a waste of skin like them. :]

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Monday, February 23, 2009

and so i get douchebags jumping down my throat because of my opinions that they decided to make assumptions on? WHAT THE FUCK. FUCK YOU, FUCK ALL OF THIS. I DON'T HAVE THE TIME, ENERGY, OR DESIRE TO DEAL WITH THIS BULLSHIT.

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Sunday, February 22, 2009

e gaab ryjehk tnaysc ypuid res, yht frah e fyga ib e ylra eh dra nekrd bmylac. e's cdyndehk du lusa du dansc fedr dra vyld dryd e fyhd du vilg res. yc cuuh yc buccepma. e ryjah'd fyhdat du cmaab fedr yhouha drec pytmo cehla tyhho. i'm sorry. i needed to say it, i just didn't need anyone to know.

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Saturday, February 21, 2009

whywhywhywon'ttheworlrevolvearoundme?

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Friday, February 20, 2009

it's funny how one apology turned into me on my bed, crying because of distance. i've always fancied myself a strong, [for the most part] emotionally stable sort of girl, but i proved myself wrong when she brought him up, asking me to forgive her for something she had no hand in. i blame him and myself for what happened, but she insisted that it was her fault. even just thinking about patrik made me sick, and it lead me to think about how quickly he turned on me, and how quickly and easily it could happen again. cue the crying on my bed. it seems silly of me, now, since he's not the kind of person to throw his words around, he realizes the weight of what he says, but i still worry that he'll grow bored of this, and somehow realize that all of this, that saying that, that i was a mistake. i don't ever, ever want that day to come, but i'm silently preparing myself for it, because to me, it feel inevitable. there's nothing i want more than to know for sure that this isn't just some passing ordeal, because i honestly have never felt this way about someone before. this is what love is. and i am scared to death of it.

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Tuesday, February 17, 2009

i quit. c: you won't ever see me again, and i'm sure you're okay with that. time to go jump off the bridge.

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Sunday, February 15, 2009

most days, i've forgotten how to live, and i let the buzz wear off before i can tell you how i really feel. liquid courage isn't just a liquid anymore, more like dust off of the tops of cabinets that you thought you'd forgotten about. they held more than just your parent's medications and excuses for missed birthdays. you tell me something's wrong, and then dance around it like i wouldn't understand; you'd be surprised, sugarplum. i know more than i let on. every night, i face southwest and whisper things to you i could never say to anyone else. someday, you'll know them without having to strain to hear me.

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Saturday, February 14, 2009

feb.14.2009.12:28am: 'i love you' best valentine's day to date. i have a family to deal with in 9 hours. i wish wish wish that i was there, or that he was here. we kept seeing signs, reminders, indications. i took them as a good sign, and so did he.

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