Wednesday, December 3, 2008

lethal poison

i scare myself, sometimes.

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Tuesday, December 2, 2008

i missed your skin when you were east

he could say it of me now, but he's got someone else to sing it to. so. i'm half-heartedly working on this project, and thinking that i should really get some sleep, since i feel like drowning myself in the river. i don't need to be dying right now, but it'd be a welcome change. here's to hoping i get the classes i want tomorrow.

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Sunday, November 30, 2008

i am going hell

because i laughed at children when they were in pain. among other things. i really shouldn't be on the internet. i should be packing up for tomorrow morning. yeeeeah...

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Friday, November 28, 2008

untouched

have you heard that song? it reminds me of patrik. :/ i talked to him today. and it was sort of weird, since he told me that he'd been wasted since 10am the previous day and that was at about 8am today. i wanted to tell him that i didn't care, but the truth is that i did. i really worry about him, more than he'll ever know. every time i get frustrated with him, something reminds me that beyond all of the shit that he does, he's an amazing person, someone worth putting the effort into. the hopeless romantic in me is still sure i can save him from himself. the realist in me is still sure that he will probably die from an overdose before i see him again.

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Thursday, November 27, 2008

i walked on ice and contemplated letting it break

oooh life. sometimes, i don't feel like existing. but earlier today, i was out at my grandma's house for dinner. i got to see my favorite little second cousin's ethan and cade. they seriously are the only children that make me want to get married and have kids of my own. they are so cute...i got to hold cade and i taught him to play dancey dance with me...it was epic. i want kids just like him someday... so anyway, moving away from my talk of wanting to fulfill my natural desires as a woman, i have to wake up at 3am tomorrow, and go to work for seven hours. shoot me in the face, kthnx.

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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

as far as you and me go.

well...hm. okay, first, sorry about last night. i regret to say that it is true that i did get drunk [highly out of character for me], but i'm not now and that's all that matters. so. i've managed to say it out loud and not burst into tears, so i think i'm capable of typing it out. what happened with patrik was one of the most painful things i've ever lived through. i don't know about you guys, but when someone you really truly care for chooses drugs and alcohol over you, it hurts more than unrequited love. and that's what happened. he had made a promise to me, and then he went and broke it. this is the funny part. i still really, really care about him, and even though i've been told to stay away from him, i can't help but go back to try and see if anything can be salvaged from this. i don't want to be with him anymore [eh, well...this may or may not be true...], but i would still be game for being his friend [this will always be true]. in my opinion, he needs someone like me. maybe then, someday, he can pull himself out of the shithole he's created for himself.

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Monday, November 24, 2008

hear me singing

i didn't go see the fucker because yeah, he wentand got wasted even though he knew i wanted to see him again. so i cried on the way home and then got drunk with katie and amanda and lj and joe and katelyn because they were nicer to me than him. yay booze. and she doesn't want me to talk to him anymore? fkk that, i'll talk to him if i want. shit. i fkkn love him. haha or whaterverr

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Sunday, November 23, 2008

so i drew a new face and i laughed

ugh. i'm annoyed as fuck. i don't know how well i'll be able to function today. we're heading home tonight, and we originally had a plan that trik would come home with us and spend two days in wausau, but i really don't think that's gonna happen... i didn't get to see him at all yesterday, which made me more sad than i expected. if i don't get to see him today, i might just kill myself. :/ it's bad. really bad. i'm gonna go eat now.

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Friday, November 21, 2008

i don't break hearts, i just dent them

i am so tired. i went and saw twilight at midnight today. it was awful. seriously. i laughed the whole way through that string of awkward situations and bad acting/dialog. very disappointing. then, later, i went to wausau. and here i am. i'm at my friend amanda's house right now, having gotten back from trik's about a half an hour ago, and we're gonna go see my friend johnnie in green bay tomorrow...aaaand patrik might be coming along...so yeah. you can imagine my mood right now. :] 'drop your jaw and coax me.'

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Tuesday, November 18, 2008

i don't know what's going on. i'm so confused, please tell me what's going on.

hey, guess what. three days. <3

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