Tuesday, September 30, 2008

girl, who taught you how to [type] like that?

shit. goddamn it, why the hell did i do that?! i know it doesn't mean anything, but it SHOULD mean something. that's why it's bothering me so much. god. i'm such a fucking whore.

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Monday, September 29, 2008

know how much i want to show you you're the only one.

... i was going to show you something, but i can't really bring myself to type it and hit the 'add post' button. i'm trying to retain my few shreds of shame, yet. i need all that i can hold on to, at this point. it's only gonna get worse from here. seriously. i want him to talk me to sleep. krissy;

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Sunday, September 28, 2008

i can't wait for you to shut me up.

i should really be asleep right now. i feel like a skank. and i don't mean that jokingly. a few things have happened in the last few days, and i can't say i'm proud of all of them. what the hell. has being away from home, away from the stern reminder of 'morals' and 'right from wrong' caused me to allow my true self out just a little more; the shameless, attention-whore of a bitch that can't always get her story straight? what the fucking hell. i wish he'd call me again. i wish he'd talk me to sleep. krissy;

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

i found the cure for a broken heart

i can hear thunder. and it's beautiful. i spent a lot of time with stacy, kathy, and veronica today, and somewhere between laughing at kathy for laughing at my taco dance so hard she cried and finishing off my green apple jones soda, i felt better. not perfect, not by a long shot, but better. stacy even straightened my hair. this is a secret of mine that she doesn't even know yet: i love it when people take the time to straighten my hair for me. it's quite an endeavor, and i consider those who finish it to be good, patient people. only two people have ever been able to properly straighten my hair. lindsey and now stace. and it's such a stupid random thing, but sitting in the room with all of those girls, fawning over the doll of a man mel got to study with last night and laughing at amanda for facebook stalking the boy she likes, i felt so happy. back to normal? perhaps.

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

on the coldest night, in the darkest room

... so. i guess i don't really know what to say. i'd love to let go, but as they'd say, i have sooooo much to live for. i bought gossip girl season 1 yesterday. it's making me feel better, sort of. but only on the first few layers. the core of me is still convinced that something's wrong. if you haven't listened to the song 'soon we'll be found' by sia, i want you to do one thing for me and listen to it. it's such a beautiful song, and it probably saved my life yesterday. maybe that's stretching it, maybe it isn't.

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Monday, September 22, 2008

accident, accident, accident

i can't honestly say that i'm doing better. i can't honestly tell you that i'm going to be alright. but i have this inkling that, for now, i can lie to you all through a smile that might even fool myself. ... 'you make me very happy today. not that you don't usually. this is just extra exciting' 'we'd have so much fun if i was in eau claire too.' try to fucking tell me those don't mean anything.

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Sunday, September 21, 2008

it's over, away

i am so tempted to just start saying things i know i will regret. so i sat here, alone again, and i couldn't help but feel that same pang of my old existence coming back to haunt me. so i have a problem, so i don't admit it to anyone but myself. spilling the beans won't save lives, it won't even help me in the long run. she tells me about everything that goes on. and i smile and nod, happy for her and whatever she gets. good thing she can't see my face. i'm seething. my back aches with the weight of my own words. i can't eat them if i can't reach them. this is a self inflicted wound that can't stop bleeding, and i'm the only one who knows first aid. too bad i'm already unconcious.

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Saturday, September 20, 2008

this is my challenge to you

listen through every one of the songs on my playlist. they're all on there for a reason. was disgustingly sick today. went to class though, had to take a math quiz. i think i did alright, and i also got a b on my last math assignment. this is a big deal to me, since i suck at math, hardxcore. i didn't go to work today, though. i had a fever, and if i have a fever, i'm not allowed to be at work. so that was that. i really wish someone would get the knot out of my back. it really hurts, and it's right next to my left shoulderblade, so it hurts to move my arm, too. crap crap crap. oh hey, message me your addresses, all of you. i'm going to write as many letters as i can this weekend. seriously. goodnight, i'm going to sleep the rest of this off. >3< krissy;

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

it would be better if we slept together

graham and i were talking last night. we talked about his and whitney's potential visit. which, oddly enough, he was just as excited about as i was. my friend darryl might be coming to visit on tuesday, which makes me happy. i haven't seen him since the fair... i ended up skipping my 8am class today. i just felt (still feel) so crappy that i wanted to sleep as late as possible. so i did, and now i have to go and print some stuff before issues in religion. i also should eat something, otherwise things could end badly. maybe i'll just get a cookie and some water again. that would stop my stomach from making weird noises during class, right? did i tell you i got a 'b' on my first quiz of my freshman year? i'm pretty exciited about that, to be honest, since latin american studies is a really hard class. i recieved a letter yesterday. i'm really glad that hannah wasn't around when i read it. tee hee. now i'm gonna go and worry that there was a quiz in interpersonal comm that i missed and won't be able to make up. i don't think there was, but... >3< krissy;

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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

i traced your shadow on the wall

i kiss it whenever i'm down. so my mom had surgery today. she's doing fine, and it was an outpatient deal, so she didn't have to spend the night at the hospital or anything, but i sort of wish i could have been home, you know. in case she needed anything. it was scary, knowing that she was going into surgery and i was going to be about 100 miles away. to be quite honest, it still chokes me up thinking about the fact that i couldn't be there for her surgery, when she's been there for all of mine. it makes me feel really shitty. on top of that, i have contracted some terrible, northern wisconsin disease and am going to die. not really. i'm being a bit over dramatic for a very sore throat and runny nose, but i'm still not feeling good, at all. provocation was boring, i didn't really pay attention, but i didn't really get to write anything either. i tried crawling up the hill. it hurt my knees. we were sitting on the guard rail at the bottom of the hill, and a car passed and some guy shouted 'heyyyy ladies!'. i so wish i could have yelled something back. but i was sort of stunned and my throat would have retaliated in the most vicious manner. i met my friend chelsey's new friend ryan. she said he wasn't cute, and that she's just friends with him. i think he was adorable, and if she doesn't want him, send him my way. after she and ryan left to get coffee or whatever, stacy, kathy, veronica (haha, i call her vicky-t, and she lets me, believe it or not) talked about how we don't really have any guy friends here yet. i think we should take a trip to horan, the all boy's dorm, but i've heard it's not to pleasant over there, since it is and all boy's dorm. i'm going to bed now. i'm going to try and sleep this one off. >3< krissy;

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