Sunday, April 27, 2008

and i shall

i'm going to stop for awhile. i don't know for how long. i promise i'll come back. [somehow] i just need to concentrate on. . . something else for awhile. bye.

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Saturday, April 26, 2008

rewrite

i don't know what i'm going to do with myself sometimes. sometimes i wonder if i should just stop giving a shit about anything, because we all go to the same place in the end. why bother putting forth effort? sometimes i think that i'd be better off in a hole in the ground because i'm too chickenshit to be living a proper life. fuck, i can't even own up to my own feelings. sometimes i purposely forget about people so i don't have to worry about what they think and if i'm up to their standards. because the truth is, i'm not worth anyone's time. ... maybe i'll feel better later.

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Tuesday, April 22, 2008

and now you know how far i can fall

i feel terrible. in more than one sense. one, my friend graham was going to ask the girl he likes out the other day, and he asked whitney how/when he should do it, and she let it slip that she doesn't like him, but another guy named nik. i've seen graham mad. i've seen him frustrated. i've seen him annoyed... but never in my life have i seen him look so crushed and hopeless. i went home and cried for him that day. two, danny. i'm not even gonna go into this right now. it makes my heart hurt just to think of him. three, i've got a cold. i'm going to fight to stay home tomorrow. i don't feel like moving anymore. mostly because of the ache in my face from the congestion and partly from the ache in my chest from that asshole. i'm going to bed now...

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Sunday, April 20, 2008

a letter.

hey. things have changed. at one point, believe it or not, i saw you as unapproachable. when i first saw you, i saw the emo kid everyone else saw: the hair, the piercings, the fashion, that nonchalance you're supposed to be known for. i was smitten with your image. to me, you were perfect. anyone who talked to you, who seemed like they had a chance with you... i hated them. they got your attention and i didn't. when i saw you, i wanted to be your friend. i was jealous of girls who could waltz up to you and act like they'd known you their entire lives when i knew damn well they had met you three hours ago. i can't do that. i don't have it in me. then... things happened, and i realized that you and i could, maybe, be friends. the things that happened allowed me to get closer to you, to get to know how and who you really are. you might be an asshole. you might be a whore. you might be the go-to man. you might be god's gift to woman. you might not be anything at all. but i still like who you are. this is very pathetic. i'm writing you a letter that you'll never read. you'll never know what i think and feel. but it's hard to say if you'd even care. but the real pathetic attribute of this comes from the fact that i have no chance at all with you, and i allow myself to think that i do. nothing i do will let me have you. SOMEONE ELSE WILL ALWAYS BE A BETTER CHOICE THAN ME. and...somehow, i think i'm ok with that. when it boils down to it, all i want is what i've wanted since the first moment i saw you. i want to be able to say that i know you. i want to be able to think i know you better than others do. all of my reasons for wanting those things are disgustingly selfish, but there's always going to be the tinge of 'i wanted you'. i'll never to be able to escape that part of it. a piece of me will always wonder what would have happened between us. but the rest of me knows i'm better off not finding out at all. krissy.

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Sunday, April 13, 2008

i hate my job

i hate incessant, repetetive questions. i hate pushy, obnoxious, rude people. i hate generalized statements. i hate people who think they're always right. i hate people who think cashiers have no feelings. i hate 'lowest prices of the season' sales. i hate elderly people. i hate young children. i hate people who drink entire sodas before paying for it. i hate people who are bitchy before you even have a chance to say 'hi, how are you?'. i hate people who stand in line an extra five minutes trying to explain why you and your company are wrong and should burn in hell when the look on my face should be MORE THAN ENOUGH to tell you that i honestly don't give a fuck and that you should move on before i have the next 20 people in line come up here and kick your ass. i hate my job.

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Wednesday, April 9, 2008

"that was an epic fail..."

i am officially done with the sep. i plan to burn everything. and i mean everything. in other news, i went to a party at my friend jenna's house. it was supposed to be sort of like a pep rally for the art club kids who get to go to some state competiion. it was highly entertaining in the fact that most of the boys from the lunch table were there, along with homoeroticism that goes with them. [[only this time to a higher degree]] it's like a package deal of sexiness. XD anyway. i'm gonna go elsewhere now. maybe to try and find my calculator... krissy.

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Tuesday, April 8, 2008

ghosts are no different than you

i have to give my sep presentation to the community tomorrow. i'm a little nervous, but i think i'll do fine. my friend whitney brought this really yummy rice krispie thing to lunch today and gave some to everyone. the hilarity of this situation was danny shoveling it into his mouth, mumbling something about how he hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon, swallowing it, and then proclaiming that he would now proceed to rape the pan of treats. no one really wanted to eat them after he was done with it. mostly because we're sure he somehow licked every square inch of the stuff... o_0 and i think i really need to start filming our lunch period. there's enough stuff that goes on between the boys to fuel the imagination of any boysex fanfic writer out there. then again, graham doesn't do too well with cameras. he'd just imply things and never do anything ever again. lol. during band, i got to go to the library with whitney and megan. i actually got work done, and then, for the first time in a VERY long time, i talked to greg [megan's boyfriend and 1/3 of the reason i nearly killed myself last summer]. it was an interesting conversation. that boy still needs new hobbies. but...i suppose there are worse things than playing zelda to an unhealthy extreme that he could be doing... so whatever. i have to go to work now. blah. krissy.

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Sunday, April 6, 2008

again

sorry for the short and highly pointless post yesterday. i had nothing to say. not that i have a lot to say today, but i suppose i can talk about the placement test i took. since i'm going to a uw school, i have to take tests in english, math, and spanish. none of them went really well, but maybe the english one did. i'm not half bad at english. anyway, a bunch of friends and i [namely matt, betsy, and sarah] went to the test together, since we all had to take it. it was 7:30 in the morning, and we were all tired, but we sang along to panic at the disco and it was beautiful. theeen, at 12:40, we got done with testing and went to eat at rudy's, which is this restaurant that's like a drive-in. you eat in your car and the waitresses bring your food out to you while on rollerskates. it's amazing. plus it's really special, since it's only open during the spring and summer. ok, then i went home and went to work. blah blah blah. came home, watched snl. [I GOT HOME IN TIME TO SEE THEM! yay!agfsjalksadflkj!!1!!!@4] then i typed this. ta-dah. krissy.

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Saturday, April 5, 2008

blah.

:poke:

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Tuesday, April 1, 2008

omfg

gonna go see patd. two days after i graduate. OMFGROFLTHISISNOTANAPRILFOOLSDAYJOKEIAMFUCKINGSERIOUSHERERLMFAOOMGOMFG.

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