Sunday, May 4, 2008

don't pretend you ever forgot about me

a lot happened in the few days that i ignored the internet. a lot of it... i don't want to talk about. but i can sum up my week into one emotion. anger. and i'll give you one guess as to who the cause of the anger is. ... his name is danny. i even think the name and i feel like hitting something until it breaks, but once that feeling passes i feel terrible about being so mad, and then i get angry at myself for being such a selfish, jealous bitch. most of this, in case you didn't know, stems from his new girlfriend. don't get me wrong. i don't even know her, so i'm not mad at her at all. it's just that danny the douchebag has decided that it's ok to ignore the people who were under the impression that they were his friends to spend time with a girlfriend who he will either a) fuck within this week [hell, it could have happened already] and get bored with her or b) try to fuck her but then get bored with her once he realizes that she won't put out. WHO WILL HE GO BACK TO THEN? i'd hesitate to say 'us', since the feeling of rejection is still fairly fresh in our minds. the thing is, the more i think about it, the more sorry i feel for him, and the more i want to forgive him, even though he'll still go on ignoring everyone. but maybe i'm wrong. i mean, yesterday was state solo/ensemble. even though i was sill miffed at him, i went and saw his performance. beforehand, i had said some...rather mean things to him. because that's how i operate. after his performance, i stayed to watch the one after his, and then i got up to go to my site. i swear to god he followed me out. to just talk or to apologize [highly unlikely] i don't know, but he got sidetracked by someone looking for the timpani tuner so i just told him that i was wrong, he didn't suck, and walked away. maybe i need to just fucking give up on this kid. i can't let him ruin my goddamn life like greg did. greg was the worst mistake EVER, and i don't want danny to be the same thing. i actually still want to be this kid's friend. GODDAMMIT I HATE THIS BULLSHIT.

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