Thursday, June 19, 2008

let it go

i just spent a good two hours reading through my archives. some of them were funny. some made me think of all of the fun things i did during the last few years. some were really emo. some made me wonder if i had been high on something when i typed them out. some choked me up. some made me outright cry. the one that got me the most, though, was the entry for thursday, november 1st, 2007. [pre-edit, mind you] "in other news, we got a new kid at school today. his name is danny. he is emo. he works at the hot topic. he is damn gorgeous. XD but i decided i wouldn't waste my time with him, since i have enough going on right now...i just don't need any more stress..." i read that, and my heart started to hurt. FROM THE VERY START i had told myself that i wasn't going to care about him, that i wasn't going to bother. i knew from the get-go that involving myself with him would only stress me out. why couldn't i just listen to myself for once? if i had, i wouldn't have spent my first week out of high school crying over this kid, knowing that i had found out what kind of person he really was, and that the person he really was, and still is, is terrible. if i hadn't gotten involved, i would still have an idyllic image of him in my head, and everything would be ok. but i did, and i don't and it's not. krissy.

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